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AIBU?

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AIBU to think constant name-calling and shouting from DH is unacceptable?

141 replies

Thattimeagain88 · 21/04/2026 18:40

DH makes no secret of the fact he thinks I am stupid (or thick as he puts it) because I don't always answer questions exactly how he expects (or wants) or because I sometime mis interpret what he says (can't possibly be anything to do with him not explaining what he means, its all on me)

I am actually quite clever, or book smart (I am a Senior Analyst) but do admit that sometimes my common sense isn't the same as his, but I have enough common sense to have made it the grand age of 38 and have 2 children who are doing just fine.

Our washing machine has broken so today he was measuring it. He said to me just note down the numbers I give you. I will be the one ordering it and researching so I need to know what the measurements are

He then starting shouting a load of numbers at me, which made no sense to me as he didn't say whether they inches or cm, and one moment shouted at 847, so I asked what measurement that was as 847 cm is 8 metres so I just asked what they were in

He then started to scream and shout at me for 15 minutes how I am thick, all he asked me to do was make a note of the measurements, as I am too thick to then convert them he would do it and then tell me what I needed to know.

I walked out of the room and left him ranting and calling me various swear words (i heard the C word mentioned)

I then later asked him something else and the answer I got back was I am too thick to understand the answer so he wasn't going to answer (it was a question on whether he wanted something added to the food shop, so now he won't be getting it anyway)

I then needed him to fill a form in for something, and he has made a mistake on it. When I looked at the form (didn't mention it) he said it was my fault I had made him do it wrong as I got him wound up

OP posts:
Anyahyacinth · 21/04/2026 20:11

What a sad excuse for an adult he sounds OP..mood, overly emotional and argumentative. If someone was taking measurements for a washing machine and shouted and 8 hundred figure I'd have thought he'd lost the plot.
It sounds like you (and your capability) make him feel insecure so he has a personal imperative to destroy your confidence...no good man / person would have this need.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/04/2026 20:09

Haven't RTFT but I'm psychic so I know 99% will be telling you to leave. Me as well. Leave.

Blimms · 21/04/2026 20:07

Dalmationday · 21/04/2026 20:04

I wonder what that must feel like. My life is a bit like OPs and some days I can’t even comprehend a relationship like yours

I truly wish you better for the future. You deserve better than living in an environmental like that.

scoobysnaxx · 21/04/2026 20:07

You need to leave him.
there are children witnessing this abuse and you don’t deserve it either.

Blimms · 21/04/2026 20:06

You could start by giving Women’s Aid a call. I found them really helpful.

Dalmationday · 21/04/2026 20:04

HyggeTygge · 21/04/2026 18:42

Do either of you actually like each other?

Sometimes with the stuff I read on MN i think I must be one of very few people whose partner doesn't insult or scream at me. We both think each other are kind of great.

I couldn't live in this environment. What are you going to choose to do?

I wonder what that must feel like. My life is a bit like OPs and some days I can’t even comprehend a relationship like yours

stormwatcher · 21/04/2026 20:03

I put up with identical behaviour for far too long. When I escaped with my children, I realised I wasn't holding my breath any more. 😌

Anyahyacinth · 21/04/2026 20:03

HyggeTygge · 21/04/2026 18:42

Do either of you actually like each other?

Sometimes with the stuff I read on MN i think I must be one of very few people whose partner doesn't insult or scream at me. We both think each other are kind of great.

I couldn't live in this environment. What are you going to choose to do?

What on earth is this as an interpretation of what OP said? There is no equivalence in his behaviour no matter how you try and twist it

AuntChippy · 21/04/2026 20:01

Why on earth are you staying? Your poor children. ‘They fuck you up, your mum and dad…’

They deserve to be raised in a happy, loving home. You deserve better than this.

SapphireOpal · 21/04/2026 19:59

From someone whose dad was like this, please leave. My mum didn't and I will never understand why. I have so much trauma from my childhood.

cestlavielife · 21/04/2026 19:59

Just make your plans and get out.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 21/04/2026 19:56

This is just awful. Your poor children having to listen to this.

Please protect the rest of their childhood and leave with them.

MyLimeGuide · 21/04/2026 19:53

Urrgghh this is exactly my ex. It took me a long time to leave. You will do it eventually! And then you will realize life CAN be good xxx

Mumtobabyhavoc · 21/04/2026 19:53

For the love of Christ and the sake of your children: LEAVE THAT BASTARD.

MyLimeGuide · 21/04/2026 19:52

Urrgghh this is exactly my ex. It took me a long time to leave. You will do it eventually! And then you will realize like CAN be good xxx

ChaToilLeam · 21/04/2026 19:52

Please, OP, seek legal advice and real life support to get yourself and your children away from this man. It is abuse and it has clearly ground you down. It's not good for your kids to be in this environment.

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:50

You can do this OP. You can. It is so good you have a good job. Can you confide in a friend in RL?

Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:49

Op, do not pay any attention to people who victim blame and clearly have no understanding of how abuse wears you down.

Some people live charmed lives and that, coupled with a lack of empathy, means they will say crappy things to you. But this isn’t your fault.

You are worth far more than what this man is giving you. What support do you have around you?

Dymaxion · 21/04/2026 19:49

Is he too thick to fix the washing machine ?

Honestly, a small, calm, happy and peaceful house is always better than your alternative. Life really is too short to put up with that level of shit behaviour any longer.

Endofyear · 21/04/2026 19:47

OP you need to stop thinking about leaving and start putting the wheels in motion. A house is just a house. You and the children would be just as happy in another house, without you having to put up with his abuse. Don't let your children grow up with this as their example of how relationships are. You and they deserve better 💐

Bombayss · 21/04/2026 19:46

OP, this is so awful for your children.
Surely you can see that?
Is this really all you want for them?
Memories of their house terrorist father verbally abusing their mother?

Childhoods like this last a lifetime, your children will never forget this.

Reach out for support and get this abuser out.
Do it for your children if not yourself.

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:43

summitfever · 21/04/2026 19:37

Op a house is bricks and mortar. Your children’s emotional health and wellbeing are far more important. Your children won’t bat an eye at moving to a safe, calm house where they don’t need to be dragged into their dad’s abuse of their mother. This will cause lasting damage to them, I guarantee you that from experience x

Please listen to this

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:42

moving on…

you can do this Op. you have a good job. You can do this and do this you must.

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:42

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Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:39

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