To be fed up being landed with my little brother all the time?

I feel for you, and for your little brother.
I think you need to decide yourself what your boundaries are, and stick to them. I.e. what you are willing to do and what your aren’t.

If I were you I’d be really pissed off, most people get support from their mums with their own kids, not the other way round. So well done for being the bigger person.

When he is at your house, he needs to abide by your rules, so you need to be really firm with him. It might take a while but hopefully his behaviour will improve and he will probably love the structure and boundaries once he’s used to it. If your mum doesn’t like you being strict with him, then she can find alternative childcare.

YANBU at all, but also it’s good that you’re having a positive influence on his life as it sounds like he’s not getting it at home.

He’s old enough for a subsidised place at nursery. Why isn’t he there? can you get him booked into where your own DC go at all?

You have to prioritise your DC and your needs. If you can accommodate this little boy as well, fantastic but you can't solve for everyone and if it does not work it does not work.
Try saying no to your mum once. That may be easier ? So next time she comes just say "no, I can't today". I'd say just leave at that but if you need to have an excuse ready that means you cannot include a +1 child e.g I've got an appointment and my DC is being taken care of by a friend or something of that effect. Or if she has a pattern of calling that means that it's likely to be an ask, don't pick up just let it go to voicemail.

Who did you report your mother to?

Op what’s the age difference with you and your mum? Does she even want her dc? You said yourself that she didn’t bring you up maybe she’s just not meant to a mother. Seems harsh on 3 year old kid who never asked for any of this. Poor kid.

Can you help secure his preschool hours for him . Then your mother would have regular times and he would benefit too. Why does she leave him with you , does she work and who normally has him ? Are you too available as a SAHM . Can you make yourself less available.

to be honest, I know you have your own children to deal with, but this poor child i would not want to let him go home. he sounds like he has an awful life and you are his main bit of normality

What a hard situation to be in.

Like another PP, I couldn't not help though if it were me, that little boy needs all the love and safety and stability he can get. I'd probably have him more not less if I could.

He isn't your child though and this isn't on you to fix. Any support you extend should be optional not compulsory. Keep your door locked and just say no.

Keep flagging to social services, even if nothing comes of it now, by the time he's in school and telling teachers his mum calls him names and they make a referral there will be all of your previous incidents documented.

It also depends on whether he is clothed, fed, clean, any SEN needs as to what action they will decide to take, and whether they think your mum is capable of making any changes to her lifestyle that don't place this little boy at a disadvantage.

What would you like social services to do in this situation? It can be good to know what sort of support you're expecting from them so you know how to phrase your concerns or document safeguarding issues.

Do you think your mum is capable of making changes to her life that will benefit this little boy?

Oh OP, YANBU to not have him of course but it sounds like you’re the best role model he’s got.

He should be in a nursery or preschool part time and your mum should be entitled to 15 free hours as a minimum, perhaps 30. Could you help her sort that out which ultimately will take some of the burden off you and also mean a childcare setting is looking out for him and providing him with more structure.

Does he go to school next year and if so has she applied?

Of course.

It's just a horrible situation all around.

You’re probably the nicest person in the poor child’s life !
You were right to report, all adults have a responsibility to report to social services if you suspect a child is being neglected or verbally abused. I would keep reporting it as it’s ongoing.

It's not your responsibility, but you might be the best adult figure he has in life. If you want to keep helping him (not her) and the unpredictability is the most difficult part of it for you to deal with them could you message your mum and say firmly that you can have him from X time until Y time on days ABC only. If she asks at other times say, "No, I can do such and such as I said though" and either go out or refuse to answer the door. If she leaves him at your door anyway ring the police to notify them and social services that he's been abandoned.

Again not your job but could you research local nurseries for him? That might be a way to get him more help without it being all on you.

To see how much extra work the OP was being landed with.
I mean, if she had three older children, a three year old would make things quite complicated.

I feel so sorry for your little brother but of course he's not your responsibility. Report again to SS. Hopefully she will get some support which will make a difference. If she falls out with you she won't be pestering you either.

People saying that he isn’t your responsibility are right up to a point, but it is your responsibility as an adult that’s aware of issues in his home to report it to social services. I know that you have before and it didn’t go well for anyone but well done for speaking up, your brother can’t speak up for himself and needs a hero right now. It might have to be you. Please report again.

@knackeredagain24 poor little boy. But he isn't your responsibility and your DM clearly doesn't care much about either of you.
You have to keep saying no and meaning it. If she persists tell her you'll have to contact SS again to assess what support she needs if she's not coping with her one child.

or whether her brother can be a bad influence on her children and they start copying his poor behaviour

Oh that sounds so stressful and frustrating.

I agree with those saying keep reporting.

Does he go to preschool? If he does it may help to have a chat with them too so they know the family background, your previous reported and ongoing concerns etc.

Have a think about what you can offer in terms of childcare each week and stick to only doing that amount. Be firm with her.

What is she going to do?! Sulk? Not talk to you? Sounds like she'd soon be back knocking on your door again soon enough. 🙄😔

I asked the same question. I think it's relevant, both to how much extra work having her brother is, and whether her children can be a good influence on the brother.

Wy has this got to do with it?

What a shit Mother, sorry op it sounds so hard. I would report again to SS and anyone that will listen.

The best answer 100%

If you think he's neglected then keep calling SS until theyget the message. So what if she doesn't speak to you for months? That's got to be a win.

That's an awful situation for you to be in. On one hand you shouldn't feel obligated to take him, and it's absolutely your prerogative not to take him ever. On the other hand of course, you love him and want to take care of him, and probably the best thing you can do for him is to have him as often as possible and teach him what boundaries are and what a loving household looks like. How old are your kids? If they are a similar age they could be very good role models for him.