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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to keep my charity shop shift on a friend's birthday?

28 replies

bagpuss90 · 21/04/2026 15:25

It’s my friends birthday this Friday - now I volunteer in a charity shop on Fridays. A cpl of weeks ago I asked her if she wanted to do something that day because if I had enough notice I could swap my day. She said no - she was going to go out with her DP. All good til this week - he has let her down and she’s asked me to go for lunch with her. If I don’t go to work at the shop that day they literally won’t be able to open as there won’t be enough stafff. I’ve offered to go out on Friday evening with her but she seems to think as it’s a voluntary role then I can just bail out at any time . I feel really bad - but if every volunteer let people down it would be chaos . Who is being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
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HoppityBun · 22/04/2026 22:08

She’s cheeky! Not only did you ask her in advance, she has made it clear that you’re the second best choice for her birthday. No way should you let the charity shop down.

UnlikelyIntimacies · 22/04/2026 22:03

bagpuss90 · 21/04/2026 16:30

I’ve offered a cpl of options now . Lunch on Thursday , out on Friday evening , drinks after my shift. I can do no more

You’re being a bit wet, @bagpuss90. I mean, she’s treated you like a fallback option, been rude that you wouldn’t cause a charity shop to close because she changed her mind at no notice, and now you’re falling over yourself offering her different dates and times, as if you’re terrified to say no. I mean, no wonder she thinks she’s entitled to your time if you also think so!

PollyBell · 22/04/2026 22:00

Shop comes first i wouldn't hesitate for a second

Screamingabdabz · 22/04/2026 21:52

Your work is no less important just because it’s unpaid. You’re right to stand by the commitment to the shop. Your friend didn’t prioritise you in the first place so I wouldn't feel bad about it. She’s just mardy because it’s her birthday. She’ll get over it.

MoonWoman69 · 22/04/2026 21:46

She said no originally, she had plans. Now suddenly she doesn't and you're her fall back? No way. Go do your shift! How bloody rude of her! I'd be cooling off that friendship, that kind of thing doesn't sit well with me.

Pessismistic · 22/04/2026 20:52

bagpuss90 · 21/04/2026 19:24

I’ve just left it with her . There’s an atmosphere tho

Op your a good friend and a loyal volunteer your friend doesn’t sound very charitable don’t back down your her back up plan it’s not your fault her dp let her down. You have given her alternatives she’s very entitled to expect you to change your plans last minute for her. Sorry but I would not offer another solution she’s a big girl she needs to get over herself.

Trallers · 22/04/2026 18:50

She's created the atmosphere singlehandedly. You did nothing wrong and have been more than generous with your time - don't feel the need to scramble to fix her bad mood.

CatInACatnipComa · 22/04/2026 18:48

All these full grown adults that have meltdowns over their birthday plans.
I just don’t really understand. They are not 6 years old!
OP stay firm with your commitment to opening the shop!

BillieWiper · 21/04/2026 19:45

She sounds quite entitled and rude. You've said your employer will not allow it as it will mean the shop will not open. Offering a meal that night or over the next few days should be enough.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 21/04/2026 19:24

I’ve just left it with her . There’s an atmosphere tho

OP posts:
Holesinmesocks · 21/04/2026 17:34

She needs to grow up and get over herself. By the way she isn't a friend, real friends wouldn't treat you like that.

outerspacepotato · 21/04/2026 17:28

She's only wanting you along because she had plans with her partner that haven't worked out.

You're her backup but she didn't give you enough notice to change your work day. You made a commitment to be there and that comes ahead of being her birthday backup plan.

AnotherName2025 · 21/04/2026 17:27

111 & still 100%

she turned your offer of going out for lunch down because she preferred to go out for dinner with her husband. (She could have done both & eaten lightly at both),

now he has let her down she wants to do something with you (bloody cheek) but won't accept doing something when
yoh are available & expects you to cancel to accommodate her.

She is rude & ridiculous. Full of herself. Unless she's a really good friend who isn't usually a monumental twat, I'd suddenly be very busy permanently!!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 21/04/2026 17:26

YANBU - she made her choice.

OneNewEagle · 21/04/2026 17:19

bagpuss90 · 21/04/2026 16:30

I’ve offered a cpl of options now . Lunch on Thursday , out on Friday evening , drinks after my shift. I can do no more

Say you could go out together on Saturday for the day. Birthdays can be celebrated on more than one day.

You are at work Friday nothing else to discuss.

DellOpen · 21/04/2026 17:11

94 votes so far with 100% YANBU. 100%s are rare indeed.

singthing · 21/04/2026 16:42

I reckon she wants to go out for the day to "show him" that his let down didn't matter and she got a better offer anyway.

Not that I think you should cancel your shift at all - she needs to find a way to amuse herself for a few hours for the "show him" part of the day and then you can meet up in the evening, as per your very fair suggestion. Which would then make her day "win" in their unspoken battle.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 21/04/2026 16:30

I’ve offered a cpl of options now . Lunch on Thursday , out on Friday evening , drinks after my shift. I can do no more

OP posts:
SunnyRedSnail · 21/04/2026 16:19

@bagpuss90 your friend is rude and self entitled.

Tell her she is welcome to bring a sandwich into the charity shop and eat it and chat to you, but you cannot let the charity down.

Theolittle · 21/04/2026 16:18

She’s in the wrong here. But offer to go out for drinks after work instead?

Rainbowcat77 · 21/04/2026 16:17

If she gets annoyed over you not meeting for lunch I would be re-evaluating my friendship I think. She’s made it clear that you were her back up plan but now expects you to let other people down in order to pander to her. Not great behaviour at all.

PruneJuiceAWarriorsDrink · 21/04/2026 16:15

Tell her that she'll need to go to her 3rd best option because her 2nd best option has a life outside of her.

Miranda65 · 21/04/2026 16:15

YANBU. You have made a commitment to the charity shop - you must honour it. You gave your friend the chance to do something and she said "no". So that's it, and she needs to have a bit of common sense.
(Plus, she's a grown up..... why is she making such a fuss about her birthday?).

Loulou4022 · 21/04/2026 16:12

Nope you asked her weeks ago when you could change things she can’t just expect you to drop everything now her husband has bailed and you’re her second choice! Stick to your guns!

Shinyandnew1 · 21/04/2026 15:30

She is being very unreasonable and a really crappy friend.