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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse a friend £4k without knowing what it is for?

318 replies

rainershine22 · 21/04/2026 10:36

My friend asked me to borrow a large sum of money. (£4k).

He wouldn't say what it is for, but claimed he can't get help anywhere else (such as banks/loans etc...) which is obviously already a red flag.

I asked if everything was ok in his life and what was going on... but he didn't want to divulge too much and was just said he had 'cashflow issues'. I know his two children and he alluded to it being something related to them - but not much more...?!

I declined to give him anything/said no - but he's messaged again today AM asking me to reconsider. He clearly sounds desperate, but AIBU in still saying no?

OP posts:
Original poster
rainershine22 · 21/04/2026 13:19

Many thanks for all your responses. He has continued to call this AM - which I didn't answer. I said 'no' again. He called again after that. I ignored it.

OP posts:
FaceIt · 21/04/2026 13:18

MyTwinklyPanda · 21/04/2026 13:15

If you can afford it you could, but I'd suggest setting up an agreement for payments to be paid back in installments. Im sure there's legal documents online. Simply handing out 4grand is a huge step both financially and emotionally as it could end your friendship.

With respect, are you really that naive??

She would never see a penny of it again.

Bombayss · 21/04/2026 13:17

Only give money like tjat to someone ifbyou don't want it back and don't need it.

Otherwise absolutely not, especially not for someone who thinks it is reasonable to ask without explaining for what.

MrsBrianJones · 21/04/2026 13:17

If you lend this money, which I would strongly advise you against doing, then you'll never see a penny of it again.

Tell him to jog on, you don't have any money to spare for yourself, he'll soon move on to bother someone else. I smell trouble all over this if you do lend it, bank said no, so should you.

Funnywonder · 21/04/2026 13:16

redskyAtNigh · 21/04/2026 10:37

Can you afford to lose the money (and the friendship if he doesn't repay you)?

If you can't, then it doesn't matter why he wants it.

This is exactly what I think. You have to be prepared never to see the money again. Anything else is a bonus. Speaking from experience unfortunately.

FaceIt · 21/04/2026 13:16

…and the worst type of people in my book are those that can’t take no for an answer.

Pressurising you really is out of order.

MyTwinklyPanda · 21/04/2026 13:15

If you can afford it you could, but I'd suggest setting up an agreement for payments to be paid back in installments. Im sure there's legal documents online. Simply handing out 4grand is a huge step both financially and emotionally as it could end your friendship.

FaceIt · 21/04/2026 13:14

It’s a simple, sorry i haven’t got any money.
Don’t cave in.

Viviennemary · 21/04/2026 13:14

If I was a multi millionaire I would but otherwise no. He's unlikely to be able to pay it back.

Yogabearmous · 21/04/2026 13:11

Rowley456 · 21/04/2026 10:59

Sounds like gambling debts to me. Or to fuel a gambling habit.

This

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 21/04/2026 13:10

Hard no.

powersthatbe · 21/04/2026 13:05

YANBU.

He has been refused by banks/others because thy have assessed hehas a high risk of not being able to pay his debt back. If Barclays Bank is unwilling to take on that risk, why the hell should you??!

Iaeve · 21/04/2026 13:05

Never loan what you would not give …

Chocolatecoffeecup · 21/04/2026 13:04

£4K is a lot of money to lend someone and you should not feel obligated even if you know whey he wants it and it's "a good reason". If the reason is important to you then consider whether this friend is likely to ask were it not important or simply tell them £4K is a lot of money and you will not lend it without knowing why they need it.

I would also only give it if you are prepared to not get it back as you may not get it back.

Horses7 · 21/04/2026 13:02

NOOOOO!!!!

thenightsky · 21/04/2026 12:59

PippaToryFripp · 21/04/2026 12:18

He asked you to borrow it? He wants you to get into debt to lend him money? That’s a no!

I assume its because he's been turned down already by a bank and OP has a good credit rating and will easily be able to borrow it.

Paganpentacle · 21/04/2026 12:52

No way.
If the bank wont lend it he's clearly high risk.

VivaciousCurrentBun · 21/04/2026 12:50

I wouldn’t lend money to anyone ever, the reason is irrelevant.

whymadam · 21/04/2026 12:50

Here's the test:
Would you be prepared to give him £4000 as a gift?
No?
Then don't lend it.

CoralOP · 21/04/2026 12:49

He's cheeky as fuck for not being open about what it's for, no way.

SwatTheTwit · 21/04/2026 12:48

It will be either a gambling or drug debt.

If it was anything else he would have easily gone into specifics.

MrsMoastyToasty · 21/04/2026 12:45

Send him something like this:

On reflection I am not in any position to lend you any money. If you thought I have spare cash then you are mistaken. To be honest I am struggling myself with the cost of living. I am happy to attend Citizens Advice or a Credit Union with you if you need help with your finances. As my dear old dad once said "Neither a lender or a borrower be"

WallaceinAnderland · 21/04/2026 12:42

It doesn't really matter what he wants it for. All that matters is 1) Can you afford to give 4k away and 2) are you ok with giving 4k away?

Bikergran · 21/04/2026 12:41

If he can't get it anywhere else then he's a poor credit risk. Unless you are prepared and wealthy enough to give him £4000 and never see it again, then NO.

problembottom · 21/04/2026 12:34

The only friend of DP who does this is in debt up to his eyeballs with a cocaine habit. We always say no but a kind hearted rich friend did lend him thousands for a while - he never paid him back and always asked him for more with another sob story...