AIBU to refuse a friend £4k without knowing what it is for?

You’re not being unreasonable. Maybe he’s got himself into something dodgy land he doesn’t want to admit that to you (is likely to be a drug user?), but desperately needs the money. How is he in himself at the moment?

He needs to be honest with you even if it is bad. If it’s not bad then why can’t he just tell you the truth.

If (and it's unlikely to be honest) I would be willing to discuss this with a friend at all it would be on the sole condition that they disclosed the reason, and that a repayment plan were set up officially. Anyone who isn't willing to set that up has no intention repaying.

4k isn't realistically going to do much for someone with "cash flow issues" who's clearly got something deeper going on and friends should not be asking this of each other, let alone applying pressure. You don't need to feel guilty about simply saying no OP. "I've sat with this for a while and am sorry but my final answer is no. Am here if you need to talk though"

A person we know did this and it was for gambling. Ripped one of their best friends off saying it was for a business venture!

Who asks a friend for a sum of money like £4K? Ever?

Not least, to be told 'no' and then continue pushing is CF'ery of the highest order.

I'm loath to borrow £10, never mind figures running into the thousands. These people must inhabit a very different world from mine.

Tell him that you've said no and he needs to stop pushing.

So he’s not even a friend really. For him to ask like this makes me even more suspicious it’s something like gambling debts. Hard no.

That would make it more likely that I say no.

'I simply do not have that kind of money free to lend you. Full stop. Please stop asking me.'

Can you afford to lose £4k. Because you won’t be getting it back.

No, I wouldn’t lend him money either.

I’m inclined to believe that he won’t tell you what it’s for because he knows it would be a hard no, or even a fuck no, if you knew.

The more desperate he is, the more I would say no. One thing for sure, if it was anything legit he would tell you why he needs it.

You will never see it again if you give it.

Erm, yeah? That’s kind of the point of the thread, though…

It’s not his best mate. It’s someone OP’s not heard from in nearly two years making contact out of the blue and harassing him for a loan. OP is under no obligation here.

Each to their own.

I’m really sorry Jack that life is tough for you right now, but I’m not the answer to your financial problems, whatever they may be, as I simply don’t have money to lend out, or to invest.
Let’s talk again when you are sorted and less stressed about your situation.
All the best.

He is harassing you. I would block in this instance. No true friend would behave like this.

Neither a lender nor a borrower be. You won't see a penny of it back

This has so many red flags, if he is choosing people he hasnt spoken to in a while, I would suspect you are not the only one he is trying to get money out of. Id keep it simple with no, that's not possible. I have been in your situation before, and when I tried to be like "oh i couldnt afford that" the amount would change etc, just straight to the point, no i won't be doing that, and don't get bogged down in the reasons why (of which there are many!)

Horrible position to be put in. Unless he can provide a very good reason then best to avoid this. Just say you don’t have the money.

Seen a few friendships destroyed over less money than this.

Yanbu. If your friendship isn't close enough that he can tell you what it's for then it's not close enough for you to give him that kind of money. The most likely scenario is that he doesn't want to tell you because it would mean you are facilitating him doing something that you wouldn't want to be a party to. If banks won't lend to him it's because he doesn't have a realistic prospect of paying it back so it's more likely to be an unwilling gift rather than a loan.

The reasonable pathway to getting a loan is to be clear what it's for and fully disclose all the financial circumstances for why the loan is needed and how the paying back will be managed, and whether that is realistic.

"I need £4000 to buy a car so I can accept a job offer that's going to put £250 extra in my pocket every month so I can pay you back £200 per month for 22 months" is reasonable. "I lost all my money gambling but if you give me £4000 my luck will turn and I'll win back what I lost and pay you back from the winnings" isn't and the only person with the right to judge is the owner of the money ie you.

So friend came to someone he has not seen since 2024 to ask for money, not advice or support? You don’t think he hasn’t worked his way through every family member and actual close mate before reaching out to OP?

If they were close, obviously offer a pint and a shoulder to cry on, but after this long and absence with no real deep friendship? No.

It's not only that you won't see it back, but also that you'll be asked again.

Because perhaps he is desperate and although the OP doesn't want to lend him money, he could benefit from talking to a friend?!?!

Please, please, please, do NOT lend this person money. I can almost guarantee you will never see it again. The mere fact that you have it to lend makes these people think you can afford to give it away. I know this from bitter experience. Please don't do it.

Have you actually met this friend irl? Or online only?

He's being unreasonable asking for money in the first place. And he's no longer a friend.

He can't get a loan so it's unlikely you would be repaid. He won't tell you what it's for so it's probably shady. He's hitting you up for money because he's going down a list and everyone else has said no. When you say no, he'll hit up somebody else.

You'd be foolish to give him any money.