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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse a friend £4k without knowing what it is for?

318 replies

rainershine22 · 21/04/2026 10:36

My friend asked me to borrow a large sum of money. (£4k).

He wouldn't say what it is for, but claimed he can't get help anywhere else (such as banks/loans etc...) which is obviously already a red flag.

I asked if everything was ok in his life and what was going on... but he didn't want to divulge too much and was just said he had 'cashflow issues'. I know his two children and he alluded to it being something related to them - but not much more...?!

I declined to give him anything/said no - but he's messaged again today AM asking me to reconsider. He clearly sounds desperate, but AIBU in still saying no?

OP posts:
LakieLady · 21/04/2026 11:25

I wouldn't dream of lending that much money without knowing exactly what it's for and how the borrower thinks they'll be able to pay it back.

If they've got behind with rent or credit card payments, I might consider paying a chunk off for them, as long as they could show how they'd be able to pay me back and meet future payments. If they needed an expensive car repair and their car was essential for work, I'd happily do it if they could show that they could pay it back.

If it was because they owed their coke dealer £4k, no way, or if it was a gambling debt.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/04/2026 11:21

I wouldn’t lend someone £4K anyway, unless maybe it was my parents.

That’s a huge amount.

The fact he won’t tell you what it’s for just confirms that you shouldn’t lend to him. That’s at all whether amount.

Conniebygaslight · 21/04/2026 11:20

Absolutely not....shady as hell

Mapletree1985 · 21/04/2026 11:18

If you can afford to give him the money outright, give it. Make it clear it's a gift.

No loans.

He'll keep coming back for more.

Gambling debts?

Aquarius91 · 21/04/2026 11:18

Absolutely no chance. He’s actually putting you in a really awkward position by asking you again, also very shady that he won’t tell you why.

PullingOutHair123 · 21/04/2026 11:17

Nope. Not a chance

Neither a borrower or a lender be...

VickyEadieofThigh · 21/04/2026 11:16

cheddercherry · 21/04/2026 10:46

No, I wouldn’t lend it not least because if he can’t afford to borrow it in the first place then how will he be able to pay you back? If you give it to him I’d assume you wouldn’t be getting it back and it will impact your friendship.

However if he falls out over this I’d rather be minus his friendship +£4k than minus his friendship and -£4k.

THIS.

Upstartled · 21/04/2026 11:16

rainershine22 · 21/04/2026 11:11

It's not like I'm rich. I think it's more because he has children and I don't, so he must be thinking I have more disposable income.

Show quote history

Well, he can't just wave an arm suggesting that it'll save his children from some vague threat he cannot disclose. For all you know, he might have it gambled away by tomorrow.

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 21/04/2026 11:16

rainershine22 · 21/04/2026 11:11

It's not like I'm rich. I think it's more because he has children and I don't, so he must be thinking I have more disposable income.

Show quote history

Just say no OP, if he won't tell you what its for you're not obliged to tell him why you won't! Cheeky twat he is. Honestly you will never get the £4k back and it will end the friendship as he'll avoid you out of shame or to avoid the debt. Do not consider it.

Goatsarebest · 21/04/2026 11:16

Won't tell you reason and being persistent after you said no. Both absolute red flags. You are potentially facilitating or enabling something that they need to sort out without relying on you. Your 4k will only delay that for them and you will be 4k down and they won't be your friend and you will feel ripped off and gullable. Don't do it. If they get angry at you, that tells you who they are.
Don't do it.

Original poster
rainershine22 · 21/04/2026 11:14

AClassicTrenchcoat · 21/04/2026 11:08

Haven’t read whole thread but as he asked just by message, not in person etc? Could be a scam. Just had a scam email from a neighbour- they hacked her account.

I did have that thought too. Spoofing numbers/emails etc... is so prevalent these days. But no, it was him. He asked over the phone. Wasn't an AI/deepfake voice or anything!

OP posts:
Original poster
rainershine22 · 21/04/2026 11:11

IceStationZebra · 21/04/2026 11:05

This. If you’re even considering it then you must have enough money to not really notice it? I’d lend a friend up to £50
no questions asked, but that’s all. Most people don’t have that kind of sum of money anywhere, at all.

Show quote history

It's not like I'm rich. I think it's more because he has children and I don't, so he must be thinking I have more disposable income.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 21/04/2026 11:10

That is a huge amount of money for me so I would be really unlikely to lend that to anyone for any reason. Maaaybe my brother if I could somehow manage it but it would be really difficult for my own cash flow.

Newusername0 · 21/04/2026 11:10

It comes down to whether you need the money as you’re unlikely to receive it back if you give it to him. If you can’t afford to lose it then you have to be firm in telling him no. He’s made it awkward, not you!

mantez · 21/04/2026 11:09

If I could afford to lose it and the friend was genuinely a decent person, I think I'd offer to pay whatever it is he needs it for, rather than just giving 4 grand no questions asked.

That way you'd get your answer very quickly, or he will completely back off it is for dodgy debts etc.

AClassicTrenchcoat · 21/04/2026 11:08

Haven’t read whole thread but as he asked just by message, not in person etc? Could be a scam. Just had a scam email from a neighbour- they hacked her account.

Upstartled · 21/04/2026 11:06

Yes, agree with the pp, if a bank doesn't think he's a good bet for paying back the loan then I certainly wouldn't be willing to absorb that risk.

IceStationZebra · 21/04/2026 11:05

angelos02 · 21/04/2026 10:41

No chance would I loan anyone that much money - unless I had so much money I wouldn't notice not getting it back.

This. If you’re even considering it then you must have enough money to not really notice it? I’d lend a friend up to £50
no questions asked, but that’s all. Most people don’t have that kind of sum of money anywhere, at all.

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 21/04/2026 11:03

You will never see that money again .

He is being so rude to ask you again when you’ve said no. I’d be rethinking the friendship. No means no!

ThejoyofNC · 21/04/2026 11:02

If he can't trust you with that information then you can't trust him with a large amount of money.

WhereIsMyLight · 21/04/2026 11:01

You should only lend money that you can afford to lose. So if you can’t afford to lose it, don’t even consider it. Even if he had told you the reason.

If you can afford to lose it, it doesn’t really matter what it’s for. They’ve run out of other options so it’s unlikely to be a good reason. You would just have to give the money, say you won’t loan anymore but you can offer them advice if they want to take it.

FrizzyFrizbee · 21/04/2026 10:59

I would say ‘no’ and given that he wouldn’t say what the money was for, I wouldn’t feel the need to explain or justify my reasons, a simple ‘no’ would suffice.

Rowley456 · 21/04/2026 10:59

Sounds like gambling debts to me. Or to fuel a gambling habit.

Credittocress · 21/04/2026 10:57

I wouldn’t lend a fiver if you wouldn’t tell me why you needed it.

How can you make any assessment on the likelihood that you will get the money back if you don’t know why you are his last resort, and what it’s for.

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 21/04/2026 10:56

You will never see that £4k again, the fact he won't even tell you what its for is a massive red flag! He's alluding to "it's for his kids" but not saying it is because I'd bet £4k its not...

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