AIBU to refuse a friend £4k without knowing what it is for?

he can't get help anywhere else (such as banks/loans etc

So organisations who professionally lend people money and have systems in place to rationally assess ability to repay, recover bad debts and spread the risk of non payment across a number of borrowers have deemed that he is unable to repay borrowed money so won't lend. It's also likely that his family and any closer friends have said no, and he's now moved to you on his list of potential suckers to tap up.

Unless you can happily give away £4k because he's run out of his own money and wants to start spending yours, just say no. Doesn't matter if you have savings, they're yours not his.

Plus if he's in debt, while he might think that borrowing money from you will help him, it could well be that all it is doing is kicking a bad debt can down the road instead of dealing with it properly.

I need £4k or I am being evicted tomorrow

or

I need £4k to play texas hold em

1 - I would consider
2 - not a chance mate

How would knowing the reason change the situation?

I'd be afraid the friend will just try to guess some reason you might be willing to accept and lie now to get the money from you.

Hell no. I wouldn't even consider lending money to my partner or or a close family member without them being honest about what it is for.

No.

"You wont tell me what its for, so definitely no. If you tell me what its for, it still may be no"

I'm surprised you even need to ask, no way!

As I understand it the friend wants the OP to borrow the money from elsewhere for them. The OP doesn't have the £4k at the moment. So that's a definite no as the OP would be left with the debt if it isn't paid back.

It's possible she meant lend not borrow which would be different but still a big no from me.

Don't even entertain it. I wouldn't even take it seriously. Don't be empathetic in any way- what a cheek to ask for so much money! I'd go with a "Ha ha - no way, mate. Did you try Only Fans?"

He wouldn't say what it is for, but claimed he can't get help anywhere else (such as banks/loans etc...) which is obviously already a red flag

I wouldn't care what it was for, I wouldn't be lending him the money.
If official lenders won't lend to him there's a reason for that. It means they think he won't be able to pay it back so he wouldn't be able to pay you back either.

I wouldn't be giving him the money either as some other posters have suggested (not a loan but a gift), even if you are loaded. You don't know what it's for, could be for gambling, drugs etc. He hasn't said what it's for so it's probably something a bit dodgy.

So, no, no loan and no gift.

Have you got any mutual friends you can ask if he's come to them with his hands out? How long have you known them?

Obviously you say no, I wouldn't respond to the text at all, you've already given your answer.

Nah fuck that, £4k is too much

I’d give a friend like £50-100 max because that will cover true emergency costs/essentials. At least with that, you know they’ll be able to do a food shop and survive and then they can attempt to tackle the rest themselves with their basic needs met. Plus, I’d just write off £50-100, no need for that to be paid back to me, because I can afford to live without that.

but with lending £4k, you’re paying like 1-2 month’s worth of their bills, debt etc. that’s too much for a friend. Plus if they don’t repay, it will sting. People who need to borrow money aren’t in the stable position to smoothly repay after all.

personally when I was in a shitty situation of sudden job loss after I raised a grievance, and left unable to pay bills, I was still able to get a £10k loan from my bank. So I’m speaking here from experience of having lost a job, but also experience from otherwise having stable income at a high level. I still wouldn’t lend a friend £4k.

I think it’s OK to ask a friend to lend money, but disrespectful not to say why. Sorry to say but if he valued the friendship he would explain why he needed the money and wouldn’t ask you twice after you declined the first time. He’ll probably cut you off or slow fade you.

Could they have got in any dangerous debt, gambling, pay day loans or something? Is there a danger of doing something desperate if they can't get it?

It surely must be this, which is also why OP shouldn’t get involved even if she can afford it.

Just no and don't ask again.
If you do you may get a couple of repayments the excuses,the car,a boiler problem,appliance problem.
Guaranteed you'd get stiffed.

Very wise words, mate!

Absolutely not unreasonable, unless you can afford to lose the £4k as others have said.

If lending money to friends or family, only give what you can afford to not get back. Also consider whether there are any behaviours, things they could use it for etc that would make you reconsider the friendship.

£4k is a lot of money, and particularly as he isn't being open and honest about what its for. Could they have got in any dangerous debt, gambling, pay day loans or something? Is there a danger of doing something desperate if they can't get it?

This. Not a chance would I lend him the money. As someone said upthread, I’d rather be down a friend but have lost no money than down a friend and £4k!

You don’t even need to justify it by not knowing what it is for. YANBU to give full stop.
He hasn’t even confirmed when he will be back to pay it back.

Don’t get involved and don’t feel guilty.

You will end up not a friend of you give the money in my experience.
Why not use a bank or similar.

Nearly every financial obligation that is legitimate can be sorted with a proper plan that he is committed to without borrowing from friends. If it really can't, it's one of the following

1. They have not met previous commitments or lied about the situation so have exhausted options to make a proper plan with properly sourced finance,
2. The debts are not with legitimate financial institutions due to previously not meeting obligations so need a cash injection not a proper plan,
3. The money is to buy something they desire but due to previous not meeting obligations can't finance through legitimate sources. This might be for the kids but the red flag is they have no options other than you. It's unlikely to be something they want to buy for them. More something they should be paying for them.
4. The money is to finance an addiction or behaviour they don't want public.

You will not get your 4k back if you lend him it and he will avoid you or ask for more.

Definitely not. He’s got some nerve to ask!

I wouldn't be lending £4K to a friend who is having 'cash flow' issues. It could be that he's self-employed and is struggling or that he's blown £4K over x amount of months on gambling.

I doubt you'll see a penny of the money back either. How's he going to pay you back? It's also very common for addicts, gambling or otherwise to use their children to emotional blackmail you into lending money!!

I wouldn't lend that amount of money even if I did know what it was for.

You're friends. That doesn't make you financially responsible for him in any way.

Unfortunately, whatever you do I suspect that him asking you for this sum of money has ended your friendship.

If you lend it he'll ask for more and you won't get any back.

If you say no he'll go off in a huff and say you aren't a good friend.

At least with the second option you keep your £4000.

I totally disagree with PP - I would NOT want to know what it is for and would not entertain lending it. A desperate man begging for £4K is frankly, the last person who you can trust your money to.

Unless £4k is loose change to you, and you won't notice the loss, then don't offer him the money. Even if he confesses it's a gambling debt or something of that nature, I would still be wary. I only ever lend to family.