AIBU to refuse a friend £4k without knowing what it is for?

"Neither a borrower, nor a lender be". Your mam & dad said these things for a reason!

4K is a huge amount to ask - seems really cheeky. Why not just go to the bank?

Definitely just tell him you don’t have the money. Why should you risk losing 4K.

I think the fact he even asked you puts him in a very dubious light. It’s cheeky. “Ne’er a borrower nor a lender be” in my book.

It’s gambling or coke.

The urgency, the vague implication that it’s something to do with his children, the fact a bank won’t lend him the money, he can’t get a credit card, a loan from his employer, no family to ask instead of you, the asking again/pressure after you’ve already said no, all huge red flags.

I’d put money (haha) on the fact that he needs more than 4K, and you’re not the only person he’s asked

True. But I think there is a big difference between £200 and £4k... And it is entirely possible someone may have a small cashflow problem that can be easily fixed.

A real friend, wouldn’t ask without a very good explanation, & hopefully a repayment plan.
I don’t believe it’s for the children.
Please don’t give him anything.

If you want to lose both the money and the friendship, do it.

If you cannot afford to give the money, the answer needs to be no.

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

Hamlet. Act 1, Scene 3.

Spoke a lot of sense that Shakespeare!

I would never lend anyone ANY amount of money. If I could afford to lose it, and was happy to lose it, I would give it to them, but lend? No. And not £4K. (I can afford to 'lose' £4K, but I'm not happy to, so no, I would not be lending/giving it to anyone.)

My DC are exempt from this. I would give them my last breath.

@rainershine22 Unless you can afford to give your mate this money, then say no. Just say 'it's tied up in something.'

If he can't borrow £4k from the bank there's a reason ... do not lend him money.

Don’t do it. That’s a huge amount of money, plus he’s refusing to tell you what it’s for. Plus he can’t get a bank loan, plus he’s not said how he’s going to pay it back.

Don’t feel guilty at refusing the request. Your money isn’t his to spend.

No way, never. He sounds dodgy as hell.

Just tell him you have not got it end of.

Not a chance - the fact he won't say what it is, but is attempting to imply its kid related, as if that justifies it... major red flags.

He will probably come back with some fictional reason now he thinks that is why you're refusing - stand firm, it will be a lie and you will not see this money again.

No way would I lend/give someone that much money without at least knowing what it was for. The overly vague indication that is for his children is probably just to make you feel guilty and more likely to give him the money.

My guess is that it relates to gambling. Obviously if he has gambled away his mortgage/rent payments the children are affected, but it also makes him an even more unreliable person to lend money to, and manipulative to boot given he is implying it is for his children rather than to cover his irresponsibility.

I wouldnt give 4k to someone I knew and liked and who told me what it was for.

If you give him that.money be prepared to never see it or him again. Your friendship will be over.

If no bank will give him that cash there is a good reason!

I agree with this. I was about to complete on my property but didn't realise I had to pay SDLT at that time so (almost) borrowed it from a mate. The fact he won't say what it's for is dodgy.

Nope. He needs to get a credit card

That's not always true. My friend borrowed £200 from me for her wedding dress deposit as she didn't have it until she got paid. She paid me back as soon as she got paid.

Not a chance, unless as others said I would be ok with never seeing the money or the friend again. And even then, it would only be once I felt I had the truth about what it was for.

Alluding to it being to do with the children screams liar, and manipulator. If it really was, he'd tell you.

My money (excuse the pun) is he has a gambling habit that's not in his control anymore.

No, friends dont borrow from each other regardless of the reason. It destroys the friendship. I lost friendship with someone I lent £400 to. It destroyed the friendship. You wont see this "friend" again for dust either way once he realises you are serious.
He will be offended if you expect him to repay it .
And he will be offended if you dont give it.
He might carry on trying to " butter you up " to get you to agree to "lend" him the money and he will promise the world while he's trying to get it out of you.
"No, Im sorry I cant. " might just maintain the friendship but the amount hes asked for has already turned him from a 'friend' into a con artist.

Unless it's small change to you, absolutely don't do it.

If he was a very good, long standing friend, had never asked before, and I could easily afford to lose £4k, I might. I don't think he necessarily needs to tell you what it's for. Does it matter? Would one reason be more valid than another?

I would be worried about him though, and hope that if he could ask me for that amount of money, he'd trust me enough to let me try and help with the underlying problem.

I wouldn't care what it was for I just wouldn't give it. As I couldn't afford to lose it. In fact I don't and never have had 4k knocking about waiting to be borrowed. But even if I did I'd be wary.

So yeah tell her you can't afford it and even if you did give it, it could damage your friendship if she struggled to repay it.

Just don't. It doesn't matter what it's for. If he's got "cash flow problems" you will not get it back. Unless you've got millions in the bank and don't care if you see it again.

Never lend what you can't afford to lose, regardless of the reason for the loan. That's the advice I'd give anyone.