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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse a friend £4k without knowing what it is for?

318 replies

rainershine22 · 21/04/2026 10:36

My friend asked me to borrow a large sum of money. (£4k).

He wouldn't say what it is for, but claimed he can't get help anywhere else (such as banks/loans etc...) which is obviously already a red flag.

I asked if everything was ok in his life and what was going on... but he didn't want to divulge too much and was just said he had 'cashflow issues'. I know his two children and he alluded to it being something related to them - but not much more...?!

I declined to give him anything/said no - but he's messaged again today AM asking me to reconsider. He clearly sounds desperate, but AIBU in still saying no?

OP posts:
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Bedlingtonwarrior · 25/09/2026 21:23

Give him the money and either you will either never hear from him again or you will be backed into a corner and be continually asked for help with the promise to repay.
Block him and don't reply.
Gambling debt comes to mind if no details forthcoming.

SpottyDeckchair · 01/05/2026 17:54

I dont lend money, EVER.

I learned the hard way that it only leads to stress, upset and financial loss.

Say No

Siarli · 01/05/2026 17:39

It's a no. You cannot lend such a large sum of money without all the details amd some assurance it will be paid back
Certainly not.

Allowingthebreeze · 26/04/2026 18:12

There was no big issue. He just wanted to do whatever it was on your coin not his

Original poster
rainershine22 · 25/04/2026 22:14

TeflonBoot · 23/04/2026 22:27

Given your most recent update you have definately done the right thing. Not your problem to solve. Why do you think he targeted you for the cash and no one else?

I think it's because most of our mutual friends have children (school fees, allocated expenses). In fairness, I'm sure he has other/closer friend he may have asked - since I don't know literally everyone he knows.

I'm also sure he would have asked family members too - before reaching me.

I believe it's because I live solo in London and work for a tech firm that he thinks I'm rolling in it. When I'm so so so not!

I did ask friends to check on him and make sure he's ok mentally etc... as I did wonder if it was a case of his house being taken away or something. As of the time of writing, all seems fine and nothing has changed in his life - so I'm not sure what the big issue was.

OP posts:
Error404FucksNotFound · 25/04/2026 12:25

YouCantHandleTheRuth · 24/04/2026 20:14

Do you mean your friend asked you to lend a large sum of money?

Show quote history

Are you not able to ascertain that from the context of their post?
You should probably work on improving that skill. It's important to be able to read from the context what someone means.

Agapornis · 25/04/2026 08:44

How pathetic. He'll probably phoenix it and start another ltd to get out of the debts.

I am surprised he didn't ask anyone else for money - maybe some non-mutuals who he also doesn't see much.

ForeverTheOptomist · 24/04/2026 20:27

This.

Nor me.

outerspacepotato · 24/04/2026 20:17

rainershine22 · 23/04/2026 20:57

So I have an update and it's not a good one.

As I said in previous posts, I'm not a social media person. Don't do the whole Instagram/Facebook thing - so I'm not 'current' with friends/acquaintances. A mutual friend told me this. He's started a business and gave up his corporate job. He is now WFH and self-employed. Friends suspect this was to get out of paying child support as he has listed his income as near 0, but obviously makes SOME money. He does pay for his kids to go to private school, so obviously that money has to come from somewhere, but the new business wasn't a sustainable one.

Some of the dealings are public info - and it looks like it will be dissolved soon.

The consensus is he likely can't pay his bills. He asked mutual friends to get involved in the business - they all said no. No one else was asked for money. I'm glad I stuck to my guns - and glad I didn't give any money to someone who was willing to stiff his own children (their needs anyway) and the mother of his children.

You might want to downgrade him from friend to rat bastard.

YouCantHandleTheRuth · 24/04/2026 20:14

rainershine22 · 21/04/2026 10:36

My friend asked me to borrow a large sum of money. (£4k).

He wouldn't say what it is for, but claimed he can't get help anywhere else (such as banks/loans etc...) which is obviously already a red flag.

I asked if everything was ok in his life and what was going on... but he didn't want to divulge too much and was just said he had 'cashflow issues'. I know his two children and he alluded to it being something related to them - but not much more...?!

I declined to give him anything/said no - but he's messaged again today AM asking me to reconsider. He clearly sounds desperate, but AIBU in still saying no?

Do you mean your friend asked you to lend a large sum of money?

TeflonBoot · 23/04/2026 22:27

Given your most recent update you have definately done the right thing. Not your problem to solve. Why do you think he targeted you for the cash and no one else?

blubberball · 23/04/2026 21:18

Don't lend people money unless you can afford to write it off if they don't pay it back. I mean financially and emotionally afford it. This is how people end up falling out and it's not worth it. Just say no

Original poster
rainershine22 · 23/04/2026 20:57

So I have an update and it's not a good one.

As I said in previous posts, I'm not a social media person. Don't do the whole Instagram/Facebook thing - so I'm not 'current' with friends/acquaintances. A mutual friend told me this. He's started a business and gave up his corporate job. He is now WFH and self-employed. Friends suspect this was to get out of paying child support as he has listed his income as near 0, but obviously makes SOME money. He does pay for his kids to go to private school, so obviously that money has to come from somewhere, but the new business wasn't a sustainable one.

Some of the dealings are public info - and it looks like it will be dissolved soon.

The consensus is he likely can't pay his bills. He asked mutual friends to get involved in the business - they all said no. No one else was asked for money. I'm glad I stuck to my guns - and glad I didn't give any money to someone who was willing to stiff his own children (their needs anyway) and the mother of his children.

OP posts:
JHound · 23/04/2026 13:04

rainershine22 · 22/04/2026 18:36

Hi everyone. Thanks for your responses. I had already said 'no' prior to writing this thread - which I said in the OP. I said 'no' again after that too. He called me 3 times yesterday, but nothing today - which is a relief. Suspect he has moved on.

I really am curious now as to what the money is for!

For him to essentially harass an old acquaintance for a large sum of money suggests a degree of desperation. I agree with the others that think it maybe gambling.

Grooveon8 · 23/04/2026 06:41

My mum taught me this
never a borrower or a lender be!

your not a bank do not lend especially large sums of money to a friend sounds likely you’ll not get that back

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · 23/04/2026 00:28

Don’t do it. Either give him the money with a smile and never mention it again, or just say NO. Lending money to friends and family is fraught with difficulty and rarely ends well.

Likeabirdjoyfully · 23/04/2026 00:00

No repayment plan mentioned- sounds like asking for a gift not a loan.

Rainbowunicorn12 · 22/04/2026 22:55

My cars been broke, my home isn’t the best but I’d never ever ask anyone for 4,000 like what on earth. No you are not being unreasonable he is for asking

oggie679 · 22/04/2026 22:52

My other half is good at saving and earns a decent salary and has been asked for (& lent) sums of £500-£10k over the last 10 or so years and it's NEVER gone smoothly (although she's always got it back eventually), don't do it.

Ladymeade · 22/04/2026 22:20

Absolutely don't lend him the money. Guaranteed you'll never see it again

Bunny65 · 22/04/2026 21:23

If he’s in trouble there are organisations he can turn to for help. But the fact he won’t even tell you why he needs the money is strange.

Laurmolonlabe · 22/04/2026 21:20

If I'm honest I wouldn't lend this "friend" £4,000 even if I knew exactly what it is for. Who has cashflow issues in relation to their kids?- sounds all kinds of wrong.

TheQueenOfTheNight · 22/04/2026 21:10

He's probably asking lots of people, but you're right, if the bank won't give him any (more?) money then there's no reason to think he can afford to repay it. Also given your recent update, it'd be very easy for him to disappear out of your life if he didn't plan on repaying you. There's something about him asking you, someone he doesn't see in person from one year to the next, that suggests he's already borrowed from family and other friends. You've probably done the best thing for him by saying no, rather than becoming another line in his notebook of "people I owe".

On the other hand, if he hasn't already exhausted other lenders like the bank etc, it could be that either the people close to him know what the money's for and don't approve, therefore aren't helping, or that he simply feels more deserving of your money than you are. "She's probably rolling in it and won't miss it".

Stnam · 22/04/2026 21:02

People tend to exhaust other options, such as banks, family and very close friends, before asking less close friends so he probably owes money elsewhere and can't pay it back.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 22/04/2026 20:36

Just tell him know . Also tell him not to ask you again! Thats far too much money to loan a "freind"