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Original poster

To refuse to see my BF’s friend again over text message comment

90 replies

Letws · 20/04/2026 21:49

I have been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and met one of his best friends for the first time on a double date at the weekend.

We had a lovely time, I thought he was really polite and appeared interested in me, asking questions etc.

In the taxi home, my BF’s phone went off and he said ‘oh F has messaged already’. I instinctively looked and the message on the screen said ‘Enjoy bending her over tonight mate 😜’

My BF was apologetic and said he expects his friend was joking. He’s 40 btw.

I’m not annoyed by my BF, but do find it a very disrespectful comment.

Would I be taking it too far to suggest I don’t want to see that particular friend again? I feel like that could make things awkward for my BF but I don’t want to sit across a table from his friend anytime soon.

YABU - you are overreacting to suggest that
YANBU - I wouldn’t want to see him again either

OP posts:
AccordingToWhom · 21/04/2026 01:02

morelaundrytowash · 21/04/2026 00:44

He sent that to your bf because that’s how they talk. Do you honestly think it was a one off and you just happened to see that one and only text? Think what else you haven’t seen.

Exactly, sadly.

PollyBell · 21/04/2026 00:45

I wouldnt be seeing the bf again this is revolting

morelaundrytowash · 21/04/2026 00:44

He sent that to your bf because that’s how they talk. Do you honestly think it was a one off and you just happened to see that one and only text? Think what else you haven’t seen.

Bombayss · 21/04/2026 00:32

ArachneArachne · 20/04/2026 21:55

Agreed. No one’s going to send that kind of text to a friend unless they know how it will be received.

Show quote history

Agreed.

That is the type of comments they share.
I wouldn't want to see either of them again.

Don't be silly enough to think he made that comment in a vacuum. He knew his audience.

FrankieMcGrath · 21/04/2026 00:28

raisinglittlepeople12 · 20/04/2026 21:53

tbh I’d judge my bf if his friends thought it was fine to text him things like that. It says a lot about him, what is normal to him, and the people he chooses to socialise with.

This!

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 21/04/2026 00:00

I'm another one confused about why you're focusing on the friend and not your boyfriend here. He obviously talks about women (or you specifically) in that way with his friends.

AccordingToWhom · 20/04/2026 23:57

That's grim and really immature for a 40 year old! I would feel less than friendly towards him after that.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 20/04/2026 23:50

Who we associate with is a reflection of ourselves. Best friend, you say? 🤔

JLou08 · 20/04/2026 22:32

The comment is grim but you can't really be saying you will never spend time with one of your boyfriends best mates a few months in. If a boyfriend told me early on in the relationship they wouldn't be spending time with one of my best friends the relationship would be over. You need to either move on from the comment or move on from your BF.

Tetchypants · 20/04/2026 22:01

It’s not great but I couldn’t get overly het up about it, so YANBU to feel offended but YABU to refuse to see him again if he’s your boyfriends best mate - that’s not going to work out well.

Alwaysthesameoldstory · 20/04/2026 21:59

I agree with pp.

It sounds as though your bf has been discussing your sex life with his friend.

Catza · 20/04/2026 21:59

raisinglittlepeople12 · 20/04/2026 21:53

tbh I’d judge my bf if his friends thought it was fine to text him things like that. It says a lot about him, what is normal to him, and the people he chooses to socialise with.

Especially if he then did nothing to challenge his friend about the comment.

ArachneArachne · 20/04/2026 21:55

raisinglittlepeople12 · 20/04/2026 21:53

tbh I’d judge my bf if his friends thought it was fine to text him things like that. It says a lot about him, what is normal to him, and the people he chooses to socialise with.

Agreed. No one’s going to send that kind of text to a friend unless they know how it will be received.

raisinglittlepeople12 · 20/04/2026 21:53

tbh I’d judge my bf if his friends thought it was fine to text him things like that. It says a lot about him, what is normal to him, and the people he chooses to socialise with.

Chocolatebuttons88 · 20/04/2026 21:51

Yeah, don't see him again. Pervy prick.

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