To refuse to see my BF’s friend again over text message comment

This. ^ Sorry @Letws but I would be ditching his ass pronto! (Your new boyfriend.)

Sadly though, the vast majority of men are like this, and the older they are the worse they get.

Yes!!! 🚩

Well, a proportion of very basic men speak like this to each other,

They’ve been conditioned to think this is what other men expect, and aren’t intelligent enough to rise above it.

Your BF's frien who knows BF well sent that message to BF. I'd assume therefore that he expected it to be well received and they've exchanged similar messages before. It's the normal way they communicate.

In their normal bantery way (normal forn them) he was saying he thought BF had done well for himself.

If you don't want to mix with men who talk like that, that's your choice, but I think you need a new BF as much as you need to avoid his friend.

Most women have no idea how disrespectfullly men talk to each other about them when there are no women present.

If he would send that to your bf, then it follows that that's the type of things they say to each other. Forget the friend, I'd be more concerned about the fact that your bf engages in 'banter' like this.

Ewwwww. Extremely disrespectful, degrading and also encouraging your bf to see you in that way. How did your bf react? Did he put him right? I'd feel the same OP and wouldn't see him for at least a good long while.

Yeah I can't stand laddy lads, especially 40 year old ones! No way would I date one.

I would presume by new boyfriend was a 'lad' and that there had been some previous conversation about our sex with his friend. It would give me major ick

If you stay in the relationship and at this very early stage decide to say you will never be in the company of the friend again - where would that leave your relationship with your BF? Being excluded from anything concerning one of his best friends forever? I don't think that's a good start to a relationship

I wouldn’t send that because that’s not me, but that is how some men and women do speak.

I wouldn’t be phased if my partner received a message from a friend that said that because that’s on the friend, I would be concerned about how my partner interacts with that message.

If I lived a life worrying about how everyone speaks to each other which is out of my control it would be very consuming.

'lols. Titties, fannies. You might get your willy sucked by a girl'?!

Is he 12?!

This. You can tell a lot about men (and women) from the company they keep.

You are part of the problem of why men are allowed to get away with their vile behaviour. Do you also go around wearing a tshirt saying “boys will be boys.” 🙄🙄

No, and I don’t think it’s remotely normal. That you think it is says a lot about your circles, none of it good. Are you saying you saying that you would meet your best friend’s nice new boyfriend of a few months for an evening during which you get to know him, and think it was a completely normal thing to do to immediately afterwards send her a text saying ‘Enjoy sucking his dick later’?

I agree with this. That is clearly the way your BF and his friends talk to each other about the women in their lives. As is usually the case, you have a BF problem.

this

Men and women using crass or vulgar language about sex in single sex company and very limited company is a wide cultural norm in the UK, often for comedic effect and with no ill intent behind it.

This. I wouldn’t write them off just yet.

It’s clearly how they speak to each other, so I’d really not be focused on the friend, more now be aware my boyfriend engages in that sort of talk.

youre behaving like this was nothing to do with your partner, it had everything to do with him.

How does a post like this automatically turn into ‘he obviously discusses your sex life’ ‘it says a lot about who he hangs out with’ the same with a thread the other day about a married man leaving turned into ‘has to be another women’ yet it turned out to be his mental health.

It was a bloke messaging a friend after meeting his partner. Could it have be worded differently, yes but it doesn’t mean these people are monsters and they sit and discuss sex lives constantly.

Have you women not ever met with a group of friends had some drinks and the conversation has moved to your partners and you all have a bit of a laugh about it or even a moan?

so many people on here think they have these perfect partners and lives.. you’re naive! Even if your partner isn’t like that now I sure as hell bet when they were younger they were exactly the same!

and as for ‘the bar is so low’ do you police your partners phone, friends, make sure they’re hanging out with the people who suit your ‘standard’.

the issue here has to be the OP partners reaction to that message and not what the friend said, what his friend messaged was out of his control.

Men and women talking in crude and vulgar terms about the opposite sex might be common in the people you know but I would question your belief that it is any way a normal , or acceptable way, to talk.

Reducing others to being sexual objects rather than human beings is pretty repulsive.

I don't think expecting respect from people for their sexual partners makes me superior.

And yet, it's quite far removed from something nice, like "nice chick" isn't it? Why make excuses for Men who see and treat Women like objects? This is exactly the kind of shit talk we want Men to call out, and yet when OP is rightfully concerned about it, we say "boys will be boys". The violence against Women epidemic around the world starts with objectification and "jokey" comments. Surely at least we Women should be taking a no tolerance approach.
Good job OP for calling it out. You are doing us all a service 😘

It sounds like he was being crass and dehumanising.

And yes a lot of people say crass and dehumanising things about other people but the OP doesn't have to be OK with someome saying it about her. Or spend time in their company afterwards.

When I started seeing my partner, his mate said to him, "Punching a bit there aren't you, you lucky bastard? She's gorgeous."

Can you see the difference?

Why aren't you annoyed with your boyfriend? I expect there's plenty of other distasteful comments on that WhatsApp chat, it didn't come from nowhere. Raise your bar

You’re missing the point it’s not about language, it’s the fact that op is being talked about by her boyfriend and his friends as though she’s a piece of meat and he thinks it’s funny and ok.
This is clearly how he and his friends think of women and he is her boyfriend someone who she is meant to share values with and be supported and respected not made into a sexual object for his friends to joke about while he laughs.
That’s got nothing to do with liking sex, that’s their private life. (So she thought)