To refuse to see my BF’s friend again over text message comment

Language does matter. Nowhere in this sentence there is any indication that the friend "likes his girlfriend". The sentence structure is clear: there is an underlying assumption that the man is the subject and the woman is the object. "Enjoy bending her over" not "you two enjoy banging each other" or whatever crass language you are comfortable with.
And there is abundant literature examining links between objectification of women and sexual assault. The fact that you are so comfortable with it and are choosing to see it as a nice comment tells me that you are either a woman who internalised misogyny or a man who is lacking in self-awareness. Or worse...

I disagree that this is part of the same issue.

This is just someone telling his mate he likes his girlfriend. Intent is the issue, not language.

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest!

Exactly. It's very infantile and pathetic. (As @BillieWiper illustrated in their post earlier in the thread, he probably uses much more silly and gross teenage boy language too, that the OP never sees/never gets to hear.) I'm embarrassed for anyone who thinks this kind of behaviour and language is OK. Raise your bar!!! 'Enjoy bending her over tonight mate' is a really gross and infantile thing to say. I would have thought it came from a 14 year old boy, not a 40 year old man.

I am shocked that any woman is OK with it, and can only surmise that the small handful of posters saying it's fine are men. They have to be. No woman I know (or ever have known) would find this funny, (their partner's mate saying to her partner what he should do to her,) whether it was them who was being spoken about, or another woman.

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No. It's about having standards.

Can't you see that this is part of the same issue?

I was making a joke about how immature it sounded...obviously it wasn't funny!

A lot of people don't like their most intimate moments being shared for the entertainment of their partner's pals.

A lot of people think that if their sexual partner had any respect for them then their sex life would be a matter between the two of them and not a subject for conversation down the pub.

The pearl clutching is hilarious.
Have heard and seen worse at hen dos.

If a female friend had texted me saying "enjoy riding that" about a new bf,
I certainly wouldn't be thinking how dare she objectify my bf.

I'd think she's had a drink, excitement, banter (yes, that old thing), no harm meant and go home and enjoy riding it.

A boast about sexual assault is very different from an appreciative remark about consensual sex - regardless of the vulgarity of the language used.

Not because I would interpret it as a compliment, but because it was not in anyway critical of OP. It used crass language, which is not uncommon between friends when talking about sex. But the message was a supportive one from one friend to another. It made the assumption there would be sex on the cards. Given the culture we live in, where sex between partners who have been together for a while is pretty standard and isn't seen as a character defect in either sex (as it once was for women), I don't think that assumption, or the private message suggesting he thinks OP's boyfriend is fortunate to be in that position, is derogatory.

No. I think they are a power play intended to try to intimidate women.

But the message from the friend was not intended to hurt anyone. It was a joking message to his mate that indicated he thought his mate was lucky to be (he assumed) sleeping with her.

Amazingly said

Exactly. Let's see everyone here, who are throwing stones, and let's see if their private messages are pure

I agree, apart from tou saying you can see where people are coming from. This os one of these threads where people are so divorced from how people, including friends talk to each other

So what?

Youa nabd everyone else are ao weird and out of touch. Men go out if the way to make their friends uncomfortable. If he had replied sure but not just the message.

Look at rihcard keys making uncomfortable comments to jamie redknapp. The dynamics are not as simple as your reading is.

O.p stop listening to these people. If it is a good relationship go for it. If this is causing you doubts it wasn't meant to be anyway

Me neither!

Same here. I have been to dozens of hairdressers over the decades, and have never heard any of them discussing their sex lives, or asking other women about theirs.

Really?

I don't know what hairdressers you go to!

Yeah @TedDog In 35 years of being with my DH, I have never discussed our sex life, how good he is in bed, or how big his dick is, not with ANYone, not even best friends. Shoot me down if you want, but that is personal private information that is not to be discussed outside of the couple. If I knew DH had been discussing me in this manner I'd be fucking livid. He never has (as far as I know...) After 35 years together I am sure it would have got back to me at some time or other if he had been discussing our sex life with anyone.

The sad fact is most men are like this. Some just hide it better than others. You wouldn't be unreasonable to not want to see the friend again.

You mean like most of us women have at some point? It’s normal for many if not most, women to discuss whether their bf/DH is good in bed etc. Granted not everyone does it (I don’t) but hairdressers across the land are filled with blue air

Birds of a feather flocking together and all that. Forty year old birds of a feather acting like grubby minded schoolboys.

@BillieWiper this isn’t anywhere in the thread?