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Original poster

To tell my friend to shut her mouth

108 replies

WhatALiberty8 · 20/04/2026 21:31

I have a friend of around 6 years, we meet up once every couple of months. Sometimes just the two of us, mainly as a foursome by including our husbands. We either go to a restaurant, or we’ll take it in turns to cook and host.
I have no clue why but the last few times she has started talking with her mouth full of food. Not just a little bit either, literally stuffed full and spilling back out with every word.
I noticed the last time that her husband looked embarrassed by it. My husband thinks I should ignore it and get over myself. I’ll admit I can be annoying with how irritated peoples table habits (mainly DH) make me.. Think normal food noises/cutlery scraping noises, I’ve always hated this. But surely everybody finds talking with your mouth full grim. I’m genuinely concerned about going out again incase I throw up on her!
I think it’s reasonable to pull her aside and say… What the hell, you need to stop talking with your mouth full. What do you think, would you say anything?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 21/04/2026 22:47

WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 22:12

That’s the thing.. I come from a world where if I was to act like this friends would say.. Stop eating like a pissed up goat.
And others, more polite people just suffer in silence and ignore it.
do think I’m gonna have to, I’ll try and not make it a big deal but I can’t cope with it. I don’t want to lose the friendship, apart from this I really enjoy her company.

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How do you tackle her about it then? Is she someone who would tell you straight about your bad habits?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 21/04/2026 22:45

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/04/2026 22:33

So you think that backing off from a friendship and letting the person continue to embarrass themself and their spouse in public is being a better friend than having a quiet one to one word with them?

Glad I dont know you!

Edited
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Yes because there is no subtle way of saying it and the friend will be mortified. Op doesn’t need to police her friend’s manners.

How does a friendship come back from that?

So either it ends because the OP humiliates her friend or because the OP withdraws.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/04/2026 22:33

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 21/04/2026 21:25

In which case why can’t the OP just disengage without humiliating her? If someone wants to pick her up on it, let them.

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So you think that backing off from a friendship and letting the person continue to embarrass themself and their spouse in public is being a better friend than having a quiet one to one word with them?

Glad I dont know you!

Snugglemonkey · 21/04/2026 22:18

WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:15

Also am I being over the top, could most people sit at a dinner table with someone eating this way and not be bothered?
My husband can, it genuinely makes me feel sick.

No. I have misophonia. I dig my nails into my arms to cope. Totally subconsciously. I have broken skin many times doing it and despite a lot of trying, I cannot stop. So I just extricate myself from any situation when I am being stressed this way, prior to the zoning out, self harming response.

Thiscan be with no conversation if I don't know people will, but all my friends know and are very accommodating. Thankfully!

Original poster
WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 22:12

Lurkingandlearning · 21/04/2026 22:01

My empty mouth is gaping in astonishment at why someone would start doing that at that age. How on earth did she think that was a change she needed to make? I disagree with PPs. I don’t think we should suffer bad manners in silence.

I think I would have to say, “Sorry Alice, I’ve got to ask. Why have you taken to talking with your mouth full? You never used to do that.” Yes it will be embarrassing but if means people will no longer have to look at her half chewed chop suey it will be worth it.

Why is it that someone’s right to do crappy things is more important than other people’s right to insist they don’t do those things around them? Apparently we mustn’t speak up, just passively skulk away. (Then block and ghost 🙄)

That’s the thing.. I come from a world where if I was to act like this friends would say.. Stop eating like a pissed up goat.
And others, more polite people just suffer in silence and ignore it.
do think I’m gonna have to, I’ll try and not make it a big deal but I can’t cope with it. I don’t want to lose the friendship, apart from this I really enjoy her company.

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 21/04/2026 22:01

My empty mouth is gaping in astonishment at why someone would start doing that at that age. How on earth did she think that was a change she needed to make? I disagree with PPs. I don’t think we should suffer bad manners in silence.

I think I would have to say, “Sorry Alice, I’ve got to ask. Why have you taken to talking with your mouth full? You never used to do that.” Yes it will be embarrassing but if means people will no longer have to look at her half chewed chop suey it will be worth it.

Why is it that someone’s right to do crappy things is more important than other people’s right to insist they don’t do those things around them? Apparently we mustn’t speak up, just passively skulk away. (Then block and ghost 🙄)

Woodfiresareamazing · 21/04/2026 21:50

WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:45

I would do normally, it’s my husband who is telling me it’s not okay to do so and I should just not look, he thinks it’s really rude to point it out.

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Like you, I think it's revolting.

My DP started doing it recently, and I noticed friends wincing at it. I had a quiet word on our way home. He took it well, and stopped doing it.
He loves his food, and talking! And just got a bit carried away...

I would have a discreet word with her when it's just the two of you, over a glass of wine.

TheWildZebra · 21/04/2026 21:47

WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:45

I would do normally, it’s my husband who is telling me it’s not okay to do so and I should just not look, he thinks it’s really rude to point it out.

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Ignore your husband, unless it’s a superficial prim and proper friendship, where you don’t have any frank conversations, it is entirely within the normal bounds of a friendship to say something like this. Good luck!

Original poster
WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:45

TheWildZebra · 21/04/2026 21:43

If you’re friends, why can’t you raise this? What’s the point in being friends if you can’t say even basic things like this…

I would do normally, it’s my husband who is telling me it’s not okay to do so and I should just not look, he thinks it’s really rude to point it out.

OP posts:
AnotherName2025 · 21/04/2026 21:44

no you're not close enough to have this discussion.

just stop spending time with them where good is involved. It's not easy in our society I know, you have to put a bit of effort in!

Original poster
WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:43

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 21/04/2026 21:25

In which case why can’t the OP just disengage without humiliating her? If someone wants to pick her up on it, let them.

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If I were doing it I’d 100% want somebody to tell me.

OP posts:
TheWildZebra · 21/04/2026 21:43

If you’re friends, why can’t you raise this? What’s the point in being friends if you can’t say even basic things like this…

Original poster
WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:42

Holymolyrigmorole · 21/04/2026 21:38

Are you close enough to her husband to talk to him about it OP? You think he’s noticed? You could ask him if she’s been feeling well recently. Say you ve noticed some jaw control issues in his wife (or some such wording). The strangest thing about this is that it’s a new behaviour. I wonder if there is something dental or even neurological going on.

I think it’s better to just say something to her directly. It could be a dental thing but after the meal the other night she spent a few hours in my front room chatting and drinking wine.. It’s the sort of thing she’d normally tell me.

OP posts:
Holymolyrigmorole · 21/04/2026 21:38

Are you close enough to her husband to talk to him about it OP? You think he’s noticed? You could ask him if she’s been feeling well recently. Say you ve noticed some jaw control issues in his wife (or some such wording). The strangest thing about this is that it’s a new behaviour. I wonder if there is something dental or even neurological going on.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 21/04/2026 21:25

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/04/2026 21:12

But given that its utterly revolting to the OP, she isnt going to be her friend much longer if she doesnt say anything is she?

I very much doubt that the OP is the only person who she does this with or the only person who is revolted by it, so I would see it as a bit of tough love and doing her a favour in the long run.

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In which case why can’t the OP just disengage without humiliating her? If someone wants to pick her up on it, let them.

Acutissima · 21/04/2026 21:24

New medication?

Acutissima · 21/04/2026 21:24

Botox? Alcoholism?

Original poster
WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:22

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/04/2026 21:20

ooh dont know then. From a wee bit of Googling it seems to mention places like China, Korea, Japan.

Could be her family in particular. Does seem to be too much of a coincidence, and her husband has clearly noticed too.

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Yeah I don’t think it’s a Prague thing.. I’ve been myself and definitely would have noticed. I was thinking a habit in her family’s household.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 21/04/2026 21:20

WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:18

@PyongyangKipperbang
Prague.

ooh dont know then. From a wee bit of Googling it seems to mention places like China, Korea, Japan.

Could be her family in particular. Does seem to be too much of a coincidence, and her husband has clearly noticed too.

Jane143 · 21/04/2026 21:19

WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:15

Also am I being over the top, could most people sit at a dinner table with someone eating this way and not be bothered?
My husband can, it genuinely makes me feel sick.

I couldn’t. I’d be fuming and have to keep going out to the loo or something. Can’t bear it

Original poster
WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:18

@PyongyangKipperbang
Prague.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 21/04/2026 21:18

WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:15

Also am I being over the top, could most people sit at a dinner table with someone eating this way and not be bothered?
My husband can, it genuinely makes me feel sick.

If you have an Audible account listen to French and Saunders Titting About podcast. All of it is utterly glorious but in S6 there is an episode called Manners that references this very thing!

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/04/2026 21:16

WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:12

I don’t think there is a physical reason, it’s weird that it’s new though, she definitely hasn’t always done it.
The only thing I can think of is she has recently reconnected with family abroad and recently spent a couple of months with them in her home country, maybe her family eat like that and she has now picked up the habit?

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That could be it.

Where did she go?

Original poster
WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:15

Also am I being over the top, could most people sit at a dinner table with someone eating this way and not be bothered?
My husband can, it genuinely makes me feel sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatALiberty8 · 21/04/2026 21:12

AmplePeachExpert · 21/04/2026 20:59

Ok hear me out, could she had have Botox recently? I had a lip flip last month and it essentially numbed my top lip and make it really hard to suck on straws, pout my lips and also affected eating to a degree although I will say I was very conscious of it so clamped my mouth tightly shut while eating. It's usually only temporary for a couple of weeks

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I don’t think there is a physical reason, it’s weird that it’s new though, she definitely hasn’t always done it.
The only thing I can think of is she has recently reconnected with family abroad and recently spent a couple of months with them in her home country, maybe her family eat like that and she has now picked up the habit?

OP posts: