To think being a single parent shouldn’t trump everything

I think OP you are disregarding the huge mental load your sister has of being a single parent (and it sounds like she is doing the lion's share of parenting), running a household solo as well as all the stress of working full time (in which you said she is also doing work in the evenings). Everything is on her and that is tough and that is why your parents want to support her. Being a SAHM is tough too but you have a partner to share decisions with, to lean on, to support you. Once both your kids are in preschool/school unless you go back to work then you will have lots of free time. I'm married with 2 kids and work as a primary school teacher. I found maternity really tough so I get it. It's hard being at home but it's much more stressful having all the responsibility of parenting and being a home owner solo.

So why are you not working your way up the corporate ladder to a senior role with flexibility?

You are where your choices have put you - you are the only one who can change where you are going

I don't understand the 'but you chose this life..' answers. Didn't we all choose our lives? With the exception of illness, we all in some way chose the path we take but that doesn't mean the path goes in the way we planned. Or that we aren't allowed have moments of regrets. Or times when it's overwhelming and our MH suffers. Maybe OPs sister is a single Mum because her choices didn't work out the way she hoped. But isn't it the same for the OP? Maybe she thought her DH would step up more. Maybe she thought her parents would be more supportive, maybe she thought she would find it easier. Surely a person is allowed some sympathy when things are hard regardless of how those circumstances came about. The irony is MN is full of threads almost everyday about working mothers struggling with it all and not once have I heard a poster reply 'well you chose this life. Why can't you be a SAHM'. No. Those threads are usually really supportive of the OP reassuring her that it will get better and giving helpful advice. It just confirms that there very biased people here.

Sounds like you aren't getting what you need from your husband. If you were, you wouldn't be jealous of a single parent!!!

She's getting her housing, all bills, food etc paid for her and kids and not having worries about where the money will come from. This is what she's getting from her husband. Not having to mad rush in the morning to drop kids to nursery and school and commute to work, with stress of being late, then slog for whatever hours, commute back, pick up kids, get dinner, bed time. Then shopping, cleaning and laundry on weekends. Rinse and repeat.
She really needs to get a job. And then come back and say how she's coping.

This! She is where she in spite of being a single parent, not because of. Shes worked hard for where she is, and youve not made those choices and are being pissy that you dont have the same lifestyle?

Being a SAHM can be utterly relentless, especially if your DH has an all consuming job, and is effectively absent from doing any childcare at all.

Can you ask your DP to stop making comparisons with your DSis, and explain that you both need support. Explain it’s making you (probably unfairly) resentful of your DSis.

Are your in-laws able to help at all to give you the odd afternoon off? Would your finances stretch to you join a gym with a crèche so that you can have the odd hour to yourself?

Your a stay at home mum. As a widow for 8 years within those 8 years I have not had a day off from my children and I work full time. It’s not just the physical things of being a solo/ single parent it’s the mental load. I have no one to share that with so my brain is constantly thinking about those kids. You can alleviate that because you have a husband that comes home . Maybe he’s no good but even being able to air things would be a great relief to any solo/ single parent.

You’ve got a husband that presumably loves you and the kids. Your children are growing up in a stable home. Your sister doesn’t have this.

She’s doing her best - it’s not her fault she’s got skills you haven’t.

Either continue to be a SAHM, or go out, find a job, and work your way up. 🤷‍♀️

Your parents are irrelevant here - they have no obligation towards either of you.

Or just count your blessings.

I think this is the crux of it

we never get absolutely the same deal as our blood relatives when we grow up
I am abroad, my parents transferred everything to my brother, raised his kids and he deals with their ageing issues. He has more houses and money than me, even though the country is deemed poor.

I fucked off abroad, married a decent man, but we are not rich and live in a mouldy flat. I am raising my child without a village and the grand parents here never helped with anything but fair enough, give us cash sometimes.

Life is not fair

You could have a break if your husband looked after the kids. She has a break when her child’s father looks after hers.
It is harder being a single parent because the pressure is all on you, no one has got your back.

@Unher10 this is ludicrous 🤣
I have been a single parent to 2 children for 5 years (they were 18 months and 6 at the time of the split) and I am now in a relationship with a lovely man who helps with the children and around the house when hes here. My life is infinitely easier when hes here, he helps out with clubs, school runs, homework, plays with them, cooks, etc....

Two hands are always better than one as they say.....

Sounds like you aren't getting what you need from your husband. If you were, you wouldn't be jealous of a single parent!!!

Completely agree with this. The sister has got nothing to do with OP’s problems.

Haven’t RTFT but it does remind me of a recent thread about how MN is unsupportive towards OPs posting about how difficult it is to parent multiple young children.

This thread proves why there is little sympathy in these scenarios: the OP almost never takes any responsibility for their choices.

@Unher10you say things are much harder with two children - so why did you add a second child into the mix?! Do you not accept that “2 under 4” is a choice? That being a full time parent and not putting one of both children into nursery for some of the time is a choice? Perhaps the reason your parents are not forthcoming with sympathy is because they recognise that your struggles are entirely self-inflicted. However with single parents like your sister, the breakdown of a relationship and a father walking out on a child, are usually not in one’s control.

As other posters have mentioned, I think DH is a big problem here. A fully grown adult should be able to look after his own children for a few hours. OP needs to direct her ire at DH.

Yes, I think that's the problem. She's so jealous of her sister's perceived good fortune, she's not looking closer to home.

To those that are upset that the op isn’t getting more sympathy; it isn’t her situation that is resulting in the lack, more the fact that she’s blaming her sister and parents for it. If she started a post ‘I hate being a sahm, but unfortunately don’t have a career that would result in more money than the childcare would cost, (my bad, silly decisions when younger) and my husband is so useless he can’t look after our children, plus he’s chosen a job completely incompatible with family life’ then she would have garnered more sympathy. Overriding message would have been the same - get a job, get husband to change jobs and step up.

The irony.

Well you have 2 kids, and you have them all the time.
I don't understand what that has to do with your sister's vulnerability as a single mum?
Also, how come you.arent more upset with your partner?
Life will get easier for you in about 3 years anyway.
Life is always hard when kids are small, you do need breaks.

I think it isn't really about your sister.
You are in the trenches with your children being the ages they are, I was at home when mine were that age and it is HARD as you don't feel like you ever have a break as you are always with them (as much as you love them). I had planned to stay off of work until my eldest went to school but ended up finding a job 6 months early as I just felt I needed to for my sanity! Hang on in there, you are doing a great job, you can love being a mum but find if very hard at the same time.
I remember my MIL saying she felt sorry for me that I had to go back to work, I told her not to, I was much happier!

The OP isn't complaining about her sister's life being better/easier than hers. She is complaining about her parents thinking she has it easy and her sister doesn't. And yeah I think as a parent you should look at the reality of each of your children's lives and not just think reflexively "single parent! Must be awful so we will help her and not her sister"

Lol can't believe how bitchy and snide some of these comments are. Is it really necessary?

I didn't say anything about SAHM in general. I said that OP seems to be permanently on call which is very tiring.

The problem is definitely not her sister! Her sister is getting more breaks, that's all.

No but will never have that if you don’t go back to work.