AIBU to insist my share of the house goes to our child?

You are correct and all of your money should also go to your dc and he should split his between his children.
As there is a 16 age difference between dh’s eldest and our youngest we also made extra provisions for the younger ones should we die whilst they were still children and the elder ones were adults. All our children are now adults so this is no longer needed but it was definitely something that had to be factored in when we had both adult children, who were parents themselves and primary/secondary school aged children.

Also done this. We each leave our individual children the share of the house we own.

We also took out insurance on each other so that on the first death there would be a reasonable sum of money. Plus any outstanding mortgage paid off.

Wouldn't some of that cash be for your joint child too if it's their dad's money? I thinking of the cash from the house sale.

That’s exactly what we’ve got. I’ve only got one child, DH has got two. My 50% will go to DS, DH’s 50% will go the DSS and DSD. I am planning on leaving half my premium bonds to DSS as we have an excellent relationship and he’s like a second son to me.

what is all that buying and selling from your own husband? That is crazy. Live life, enjoy it and when he dies before you, take it all and do the decisions afterwards, in a noble way hopefully.

Don't buy anything off him, stop paying for repairs, he is a man, let him pay. You enjoy life

That was the will DH and I made after taking professional advice and seeing a solicitor. That was just a summary, and there are of cause extra clauses in it. It works for us in our circumstances.

I did say very clearly in pp that I'm not a wills expert and don't know what the solution is in her case and that she should see an expert/financial advisor to work it out. I wasn't recommending my will as a solution to her, merely giving it as an example. The main reason for mentioning it is that I wouldn't have to sell up and move out within two years if he passed on suddenly.

I also said that he has two children, potential future children and his current partner who would be left solo parenting to take into account.

I don't believe that selling up the home that his joint DC with OP lives in, within two years of his passing, to give half the sale proceeds to an older child who already has a home with her DM there and then, is a great idea because he cannot predict the circumstances. It doesn't leave Op with much security because she knows she'd be out of her home within two years of him passing, when probate can take about a year, nevermind buying and selling houses, probably seeking a new job if she wants to stay in the same area as schools.

I also suggested in a previous post that perhaps he needs extra life insurance to cover some of these eventualities.
He needs a better plan that caters fairly for all of them.

Yes, blokes take up with an intelligent woman and then goggle like a rabbit in the headlights when she uses that intelligence.

Why do some men get so defensive when women talk rationally and without emotion about money?

Almost as though they think they ought to be able to pull the wool over our eyes.

Do you mean you don’t have a relationship with her through choice? You’re not going to build a relationship if you never see her.

Maybe he blames you for the lack of relationship and wants to make it up through guilt by leaving her more.

My husband has two adult children and we have one adult child between us. When we both go our (small) estate will be divided as my half to our shared child, and husband's half divided 3 ways. My stepchildren stand to inherit from their mum as well, so this is a fair division. I have also decided that if I inherit from my mum, anything I don't spend will be ringfenced for my son, her only grandchild.

When we first bought a house before we were married, I was childless and my now DH had three kids from a previous marriage. We were tenants in common. Our share of the house would go to the other in the event of death on the caveat that once sold, his 50% would go to his kids and my 50% to my beneficiaries.

My share would now go to my DC’s and his would be split five ways. Seems harsh, but his older children’s mother is an heiress, so financially, they’ll always be fine.

Yet he thinks he doesnt need to provide for this one?

That is an absolutely ridiculous will to make in any family but absolutely madness in a blended family.

Unless it is in trust, the surving spouse can do what they want, including re marrying change their will and the kids for the first marriage could end up with zero.

I love and trust my dh but I wont allow any of the kids to rely his, mine and ours on the behaviour or life choices of my husband after I have died to ensure what I want for my assests will happen for them

What you are doing seems fair and is what my parents did, partly to also offset care home fees! When my father died my mother retains a life interest but my siblings and I own half the house now

in this case though you need to think, half is yours for your child, but your parent has two children, so technically they should get half of his estate each, so by you saying half to your child and the other half to his then you are being generous and your husband needs to understand that

likewise I would not be buying anything with him if he is not prepared to treat your joint child via tenants in common

Ive married and bought a house 50/50 as tenants in common. If I die my share goes to my child but husband can reside until death.

Actually, I think the current arrangement - that if he dies the house is split 50% to his DD and 50% to you isn't terrible. You would have 2 years to buy his DD out or to sell and move somewhere else with your 50% plus ypur own money. Your DD would get her 50% of his house via you (along with anything she inherits from you) without this being tied up in a lifetime trust etc.
If you died first, your DD should inherit your assets (which don't include a house) and at that point your DH should surely realise that his will would then be 50:50 between his 2 DC.

All that's a long winded way of saying to keep financially separate - don't buy a share of the current house and just pay a fair share of bills, build a separate pot for your DD. If you do move then go as tenants in common.

I think that sounds OK if it happened later on in life, but life can be unexpected. But What if it happened earlier than expected and your child wasn't yet at school. Or you'd had more children. Two years can be a very short time to deal with grief, probate, and selling up to find a new affordable home in the same area etc..and maybe finding a better paying job at the same time.

I don't know enough about will planning to have a solution to this, but an expert would.. But it would make me feel less secure that if someone died I'd have to sell within two years, regardless of how much equity has built up in the house in a shorter than expected time, regardless of my circumstances. Perhaps extra life insurance is required?

Put it this way. Our wills say that everything is left to remaining spouse, and once both have passed on, equally divided between our children. He has to consider both his children, and potentially future ones. As well as you, who would be their solo parent and vice versa

@TipsyPinkDog I think you are being utterly reasonable. Your 50% goes to your child; his 50% is left to BOTH his children, so 25% each. Ie your DC gets 75% and his sole DC gets 25%.

You are not obliged to (morally or legally) to leave any portion of your assets to a step child and, moreover, I would say that his deciding that he will NOT leave the child he has with you anything is really quite hurtful to your shared child. It signals that he values child 1 more than child 2. It also wilfully disregards any inheritance DC1 may get from their mother/mother’s family.

We have a similar arrangement for my DSD. However the wills have been written so that I have a life interest in this property but I can also.sell it and use all the assets to buy another property where she continues to own a proportion depending upon how much the house will cost.

For example if the mortgage is paid off and it's worth £500k I could buy another property for £500k, and she would own half and I would still be able to live there until I die.

This is complicated because she has SEN needs, but it's an example to show that a life interest can be transferred to another property in a will if necessary.

Given he becomes defensive when this is discussed, print out the 2 pages of this post and lay it on the table in front of him.

You've asked for opinions so show him.

Sorry.. I may have missed this. But his plan is to leave his share of the house you are currently living in 50% to you and 50% to his DD. What if that happened sooner than expected? Would she move in with you or ask you to sell up and split the proceeds.

What if you go on to have more children?

what if, god forbid, you pop your clogs whilst they are under 18?
Horrible to think of these things, but that's what will planning is all about.
I had to organise the whole thing because my DH couldn't bear to think about it. LOL. and its hard. Maybe that's why your DP is so worried. He will feel better when he knows that there's a good plan in place.

In your shoes, you both need to get proper wills advice because they will have seen it all before and come up with an equitable and fair solution.. I'm guessing if an expert agrees with you that he will relax a bit once its demonstrated that this is a fair way to do things.

I think you need, as pp said to stick to your guns and possibly draw him a map/family tree.