What is the obsession with therapy/counselling?

So now you are saying that people who seek therapy are not only weak, but also self centred?

What other views do you have about those who use counsellors?

I got seen pretty quickly. Had a young baby ay the time which helped.

I can’t work out if you’re trolling or just being obstinate. Why aren’t you listening to people’s explanations?

You can’t always “solve your own issues” without help. If something has always been normal to you, you don’t even know that it’s an issue.

Talking to someone who is removed from the situation, who has no skin in the game, can be transformational. They can help you discover habits, unhelpful beliefs and behaviours that you never knew you had. They can point out how damaging your behaviours are to others.

I was sexually abused, and as a result I wouldn’t let my DD go to friends sleepovers. I was adamant that the world is full of abusers and I had to keep her safe. I didn’t care what other people said to me, I was convinced that they just didn’t understand because they hadn’t been abused. I was in the right. Therapy helped me to overcome that and realise that I was causing her harm and stopping her from growing. And really I was doing it to keep me safe, not her. I couldn’t cope with the worry of it happening to her. I’d never have been able to do that on my own, because I genuinely didn’t believe that it was a problem.

You can’t make changes until you’ve established the problem. Sometimes the problem is obvious and just talking to friends or family can help you solve it. Other things are well-hidden and steeped in shame and guilt, and you need a professional to get to the bottom of it.

My other half is a therapist. I don’t know who is clients are, obviously, but reasonably frequently they will write or send a card, with permission for me to read/see it, or they will approach him and have a chat.
They come from all walks of life.
He had treated CEOs and done pro bono work with the homeless.
He is from a working class background, educated later in life, and it is wonderful when someone thanks him, and sometimes, it’s for helping to save a life.
You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and in other people’s minds.
I have seen the years of studying and intense training, the professional standards he adheres to and what he looks like after a long day when he can’t tell me about it.
If you have a bacterial infection you don’t just have a gin and get on with it, if it is serious.
If you get meningitis, an emergency doctor won’t tell you to have a little drive to brush the cobwebs away.
A friend cannot give you anything impartial - they are too connected with you.
And finally some of the work trauma therapists can now do helping victims of war, or those who have fought in them, is amazing.
Dr. Edith Eger, now in her 90’s, survived Auschwitz and is a leading psychotherapist and her words on how problems are unique to us are enlightening. She walks that walk every day with empathy. Maybe go and look her up. She’s faced more than any of us ever will, I think, and yet has empathy for others.

I assume you’re just in an argumentative mood but no, not in my house. I didn’t get anything out of therapy but my daughter very much did. You have to meet the therapist somewhere and I was never willing to do that. My daughter was very much ready for help and got loads out of it.

Therapists are paid to listen to you talk about yourself. It's their job.

If you have no friends who listen to you talk about yourself then you definitely need therapy, fast.

the word therapy is quite a general word.

for example, someone who has cancer might have chemotherapy or radiotherapy. Presumably you don’t mean that kind of therapy when you say you can’t get anything from therapy that you wouldn’t get from your friends.

really the word just means a course of treatment.

so for example many people have tried hypnotherapy to stop smoking. I don’t know if it works - but I doubt you can get it from your friends.

again, many people who have phobias or fears - of flying, of spiders, of leaving the house - can do exposure therapy suppprted by a therapist. Many places run “conquer your fear of flying” courses where participants go to airports, talk through feelings and have pilots talk them through the plane etc. exposure therapy really does work for a lot of people - and again, you aren’t going to get a fear of flying course from your friends.

abusers who are convicted are sometimes made to do perpetrator therapy which is designed to challenge their beliefs and change their behaviour. They don’t want to change by and large so aren’t going to ask anyone to help them change but society doesn’t approve of abuse and trying to change their behaviour is a good goal.

even if you restrict the word to “just” talking therapy there’s a lot of therapies out there that are good.

Sounds like you needs some

Yourself, obviously, and if you don't talk about yourself then you are clearly in need of therapy, from some quack who is making a fortune from you!

Not everyone needs therapy, but it can definitely
be a game changer for people who really do need it. I find it interesting OP that you say things like “just get on with life, why go over things, just move on, don’t dwell”, because for years I had red flags
for anxiety disorder and never did anything about it. I kept ignoring symptoms, pushed things to the back of my mind, spoke to my friends, had hobbies, enjoyed my job, etc etc - my life looked pretty good and whenever I got anxious I would push it deep down rather than look at why I was getting anxious. I got shingles and even was told by my GP that at my age (was 32 at the time) I must be under considerable stress to be suffering from shingles and should address it. I ignored his sage advice, and guess what? A few months later I had a breakdown after years of “just getting on with it”. Had therapy, could see why my mental health was the way it was, worked things out with my therapist to change the way I reacted and to be kinder to myself. Don’t have therapy now, but credit it with saving my mind. Sometimes “just getting on with it” is actually making the problem much much worse. yes, not all problems in life/on Mumsnet need therapy, but some very much do.

There but for the grace of god go I, Op. maybe try and have a little more tact and awareness that everyone copes differently.

I mean, of course people can. But think about where they're posting? They're coming to an anonymous site presumably because they need a sounding board and are lacking that in real life. Some situations are going to be more complex than people can accurately advise on based off a short snippet they've read in a post.

Personally I'm very pro counselling, my mother refused to address her mental wellbeing and we all suffered for it so I make a conscious effort to be more self reflective in the hopes that it will benefit both me and my child in the future. I've found it really helpful during certain times of my life and its definitely helped me 'let go' of some things I was holding onto from the past.

At the end of the day, it's no different to any other advice posters get in that it's free advice and they don't need to take it if they don't want to/ don't feel its for them. But personal development and growth is something I'll always advocate for.

To reference your post that I've quoted above, the problem is that people do have a limit. Burnout is a very real thing and people can find themselves quite literally unable to get out of bed or becoming actually psychotic because of the impact of 'getting on with it' for a sustained period. I'm a lone parent so I completely get the need for a get up and on with it attitude but I think it only works for a while and that's where we now know there are close links between prolonged emotional distress and physical health consequences. It always comes out somewhere.

You've identified ways you find helpful to cope with that, but not everyone has coping strategies that work well enough, that are available when they need them or that are in any way healthy. You talk about enjoying a drink but if that's your coping method then what happens when you hit crisis, that could become a problem. Which is why its helpful to have something like counselling.

You're right that not all therapists are good, which is why I said 'good' therapy.

And no, a forum with random people on it, some of whom have their own serious issues, others of whom are trolls, is not the same as a therapist.

Bring paid for it, so that you don't end up using your friends as therapy and constantly burdening them with your problems on top of their own.

You lose friends that way.

Asking me questions which promote reflection. Some examples of that could be:
Why are you so obsessed with other people benefiting from therapy?
Why does it make you so angry?
Why do you feel unable to shift from your position that therapy is bad despite overwhelming evidence that people on this thread generally find it beneficial?
Why do you consider "grin and bear it" to be a superior approach?
Are there any examples in your life where you were made to feel bad for needing help?
Could this be impacting on how you view others being comfortable with asking for support?

No one is obsessed with therapy, it's just that we now have access to it. Where before people continued in patterns of toxic or harmful behaviours, struggled with mental health etc alone, now they can access actual support and get better.
People actually talk about their problems instead of dealing with them alone. Does every single situation require therapy - no probably not but if you have to down a bunch of alcohol to cope with your feelings then it probably does.

IMO if everyone was forced to get good therapy the world would be a far far better place.

A friend will generally support you no matter what you say or do. Some very very good friends will challenge you, but most won't. A good therapist will spot patterns of thinking, unhelpful behaviour etc that you might not be aware of. It's not moaning, it's active discussion of things that have affected you and done right it helps you to take the action that you're so keen on.

When I lost my DH, many professionals (mainly GPs, hospital etc) tried to force counselling/ medication on me. I refused it all. I knew I had to just grieve and plough through it.

Death/greif is part of life.

Nothing anyone, especially a stranger, could say or do would change that I’d lost the man that meant so much.

3 years on, I’m glad I just did it alone. 👍