What is the obsession with therapy/counselling?

It told you that because that's what you gave it the impression you wanted to hear, not because that's what you necessarily needed. The problem with ChatGPT is that it doesn't really ask you relevant questions. You say something, it says something back. It doesn't have enough of your context and history, or the clues a therapist would get from your voice and body language, to provide properly tailored help.

It’s honestly not as simple as putting things behind you and moving on. I had cPTSD after a terrible childhood. I’d moved on, but I was still me. My abuse had turned me into a person that had developed certain behaviours that were causing me harm, but i couldn’t see it.

For example, I’d walked on eggshells trying to keep my parents happy all my childhood, trying to prevent my Dad’s violent, angry explosions or my mother’s repeated suicide attempts.

Once I was an adult I continued to do this in all my relationships (not just romantic), pandering to people and being a martyr to try and make sure people were always happy. This was all I knew, and I wasn’t even aware I was doing it because it was my ‘normal’. If anyone was ever even mildly upset or disappointed it caused me great distress. Subconsciously I was terrified that they’d either attack me, or try to kill themselves.

I didn’t know this until I had therapy. I just knew that I was constantly anxious and i didn’t know why. That’s just one example of a particular scenario I dealt with in therapy, there are countless more. By recognising that I was doing things, I could challenge the behaviours and change them.

It’s not as simple as “drawing a line” and forgetting it. Trauma makes you the person you are. You can’t run away from that.

This is incorrect – a professional counsellor requires a minimum of a level 4 diploma in counselling or psychotherapy, registration with a recognised body, and a minimum number of hours of supervised accreditation.

It's up to anyone seeking a counsellor to ensure the person has these qualifications, just like they would need to in seeking out any professional for any service. And non-qualified 'counsellors' are not allowed to be employed by the NHS, schools or private medical settings.

In the vast majority of cases where it's recommended, it's because it's very obvious that the OP has some problems that go way beyond the thing they're posting about. For example, sometimes there are posts where an OP outlines some truly awful behaviour from a very clearly abusive partner (or a succession of partners) and it's obvious that their whole notion of relationships is skewed and their self-esteem is zero. Almost invariably it transpires that they had an abusive childhood and therefore don't understand how normal boundaries work or how to spot a red flag. In those situations, counselling or therapy is absolutely what they need because that sort of deep-seated vulnerability isn't going to be addressed by reading a self-help book or having a night out with their mates.

Similarly, someone who posts to say that they spiral into anxiety every time their child grazes a knee because they're convinced they will get sepsis and die, to the point where they won't let their child run around and play or ride a bike, clearly needs more help than a bunch of strangers on Mumsnet telling her to get a grip.

If you don't think therapy or counselling is useful, don't have any. Nobody's forcing you.

You seem quite angry. Maybe some counselling would help with that!

I’ve got to admit, when I have been through tough times I’ve always found it more effective to get myself through them. But we are all different

It's tricky and helps some people. It is not, however, a panacea for everything.

I saw a therapist adter ds1 was born on the heels of two mc's, some crap birth and post natal care and a realosation that my relationship with my mother had been far from ideal. I quickly concluded that I'd feel better if I spent the £25pw on myself (1995).

Again when dd was unwell and was let down badly by GP/CAMHS, etc. The therapist wanted to focus on me dealing with my negative feelings about the local CAMHs team and moving on despite. It crystallised my view that a formal complaint was required and that was cathartic. It also set the scene about repetitive failures. The best way to channel my anger was to deal with the reasons for it.

I do wonder how much therapy is NHS recommended to take the spotlight off of poor services and to discourage complaints.

I had both therapy and anti depressants when my marriage ended. The anti depressants were far more effective. My therapist was not biased. She was on my side the whole time. I stopped seeing her when she told me my friend was a narcissist after a falling out we had. My friend is most definitely not a narcissist and it was very unprofessional of my therapist to suggest she was!

I have never had therapy but there have been occasions when I wished I could. I muddled through, talking to friends and offloading to people but I was always wary and knew that they would get compassion fatigue if I kept on going over and over the same old ground (which was what I needed to do to talk it out of my system).

Ooohh this is a tough one for me. I’ve had counselling for a few months and while I didn’t think it did anything on practical level, it was also good to have someone neutral to talk to. I only stopped it due to the financial side really.

Just had to go against the grain here, my chatgpt therapist regularly told me to stop my shit and get a grip, it's all about the programming 🙃😂

Exactly.

If you feel you don't need therapy, fine. Some people do want to explore whether it might be beneficial.

Trigger warning mention of suicide.

i have struggled to the point of overwhelm.

the obvious alternative is killing yourself.

I have at times been in situations where this has been a viable option.

i have lifetime membership of dignitas so that when my neurological disease becomes too unbearable I can at least get it sorted legally and relatively easily.

surely this is obvious? The alternative to keeping going is just … stopping.

Wow, you seem really bothered by recommendations of therapy. Why is that.

Firstly, therapy has been shown to be statistically effective (there are numerous studied that support this).

Secondly, I've never seen therapy suggested by a majority of posters on a topic when it wasn't for something serious, life-altering or having been distressing in long-term for the OP.

'Making any decisions' and 'making changes to improve life' is vague, and points to you overdramatising the examples where therapy has been suggested.

And your description of 'talking about it for years on end' tells us precisely that you have little to no knowledge of what therapy is and how it works.

Good luck, I guess?

I used to think similarly to OP until I found myself trying to deal with a horrible situation where I needed someone outside my normal social circle to offload to and help reframe my thinking. It helped me enormously.

Therapy can actually be life changing for some people, if it doesn't work for them they don't have to go again. It's great you have a stable life, but many don't and shouldn't be judged for accessing help.

Given your original post, are you not confusing therapy with a life coach? I’ve had therapy. I didn’t go for assistance with making decisions/making changes or ideas on a hobby. I did it to deal with reasons that were making me depressed and suicidal.

You are talking about being overwhelmed as if you still have choice, or you that has you can function on your usual way then you may need help of some sort - same ways as you’d rest and manage flue symptoms as you can’t function in your usual way

Well, therapy is obviously one alternative that helps many people in that situation.

I agree to a certain extent, OP. I've been through severe and extended trauma when younger, and tried psychologists, psychotherapists, counselling, and group therapy to deal with the long-term aftermath, and none of it did me any good at all. It just cost a lot of money I could barely afford, and I was lucky enough to get some government subsidies or I wouldn't have been able to afford it at all.

Talking in circles about one's trauma every week while, for the most part, a therapist praises you for being self-aware and asks vague questions, is (unsurprisingly) not very helpful.

I'm sure for some specific issues (such as learning specific coping techniques or other practicalities), it could be useful....

But for the most part, it's too expensive for most people to afford someone well-qualified, there are too many 'types' of therapy for someone to figure out what would be best for them without spending enormous amounts trying out loads of different types, and then on top of that, you apparently need to mesh well with your therapist too.

For the most part, it's an indulgence for the wealthy.

It does happen whereby people experience distress and immediately think this is a mental illness requiring treatment - the distress is real and they might be having a truly awful time, but it doesn’t mean they need therapy with a treatment plan examples include:-

Relationship break up
Child access arrangements
Housing issue
Financial pressure
Court cases as a perpetrator
Any stressful life event

No amount of therapy will sort the above, negative felt emotions are healthy and have a place - it’s why we have them

1. Needy people- wanting to be fixed but not wanting to help themselves

2. Grabby people claiming they cannot function due their ‘mental elfff’ and want a letter stating so, then disappear when they don’t get one because they do not have a severe diagnosis to warrant it - imagine going to your GP asking for a PIP letter for something that is treatable

3)Saying you are suicidal when you are not does not get you seen quicker - people do do this

Waiting lists are cluttered with the above and the sense of entitlement from some is just ‘wow’ -

But above all else that person is upset in some way and trying to navigate a difficult situation and maybe are an indication of a breakdown in community and overarching societal flaws