What is the obsession with therapy/counselling?

A lot of people who are against therapy have this same belief. 'I had a terrible life full of trauma and despair but I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, pushed down all my feelings and now I'm completely fine. You need to do that too. Talking about your problems doesn't help. It just makes you a selfish, indulgent loser. Suck it up and get on with it.'

They are clearly not fine and I wouldn't take mental health advice from them.

Therapy helps people be proactive and make positive changes though, its not all sitting about rehashing your history for weeks. But it helps you look at things differently, put positive steps in place and deal with situations better than you did before. Its 100% not about dwelling on anything its about learning, processing and moving forward.

But you've never struggled enough to need help, some people have.

I thought the same as you about therapy for years but then I thought wth and gave it a go. And it changed my life, it made me realise so many things about myself and relationships that id missed.

I will also say that I have known some people (not saying you are one OP), who use 'busyness' as something of an avoidance mechanism that sounds far more virtuous and self important than 'I would rather avoid some rather hard questions about why I do this shit, what it is like for those around me, and what can I do that is less harmful to me and those caught in the blast radius'?

For example, that bloody great gin was not a very health coping mechanism for someone with houses full of alcholics on both sides, who had been drinking from before the age of two, had been groomed with alcohol for S.A, and was drinking with her alcoholic father from before lunch time on weekends, and at lunch and after school on weekdays!

And no, not all therapists and counsellors are created equal. Some are charlatans and predatory arseholes, to be frank. Just like not all forms of therapy and counselling are as effective and beneficial as others, for all people.

What puts me off any kind of therapy is the fact I know two professional therapists / councillors in my social circle and they’re both bat shit crazy and have made dreadful decisions in their lives.

I’m amazed people pay them for guidance and advice.

I'm sure that'd be really helpful to someone in distress. 🙄

It's part of the over-medicalising of the normal human experience. Every difficult emotion is categorised as a symptom of a disorder and needs professional assistance to resolve.

Talking is so powerful, and therapy is different to just talking to your friends, as they're not there to agree with you or big you up, just to guide your thoughts and the conversation to help you think and maybe uncover feelings you didn't realise you had.

I had therapy for the first time a couple of weeks ago, after thinking it wouldn't do anything. It helped.

If you don't think you need it - fine.

But don't come after those who do, or those who suggest it - as it can help.

I totally agree! People need to grow up and also become more resilient

Honest to god.
Exactly.

This thread 🙈
Some people are so blind

Me too. What I wrote is in direct response to your thread.

You sound like a really unpleasant person.

I genuinely can’t believe someone would start a thread and criticise/sneer at people who have required therapy/counselling to help them cope with something traumatic in their life.

I guess you can at least be commended for not even trying to disguise your judgement and disdain with faux curiosity.

I often find the mentality of “I struggled so other people should struggle too” and “I went through a lot but I’m fine” are said by people who either were brought up in stable circumstances and have incredible life skills or, more commonly, people who actually aren’t fine and are in denial (otherwise they would have a bit more empathy, compassion and chill).

I think the idea that we can just will ourselves to be happy is why so many people put off getting help that they really need. If we could just solve all our problems ourselves then obviously we would all do it. But with things like low self esteem or serious MH struggles, people need help because they are struggling with the basic aspects of life.

Therapy is not just rehashing old problems, it can be treatment like CBT, BDT, EMDR etc. which can change people’s lives.

There are people with physical health problems who can/want to just soldier. And there are others who can’t do that and need treatment. Life has changed a huge amount in so many ways in the last 50 years (for the worse in many ways) and I think it’s great that there is help available for those who want or need it

I've had bad therapy and great therapy. The counsellor I'm seeing now has absolutely changed my life as someone struggling with a chronic health condition but has also helped me unpick childhood issues and make better career choices. Being better self and other aware has had huge benefits to all parts of my life.

I'm more confident and resilient. Its not always fun or enjoyable but has been hugely beneficial.

You do that then. Ethical therapists don't work with people who don't want to be there. Other people have different needs and approaches.

It's bizarre OP and I say that as someone who interviews potential therapists for the NHS.
In my Trust, your get CBT. Or nothing. The waiting list is a year.
The therapist needs no relevant qualifications at all to start work. Nothing. They train on the job. In fact most of them leave before they qualify, so do not ever achieve the apprenticeship.
These people are not magic. They mean well, they eventually have certain skills. But in no way do they meet the expectations that most people seem to hold of them

I had therapy because i went through emotional abuse in my last relationship. It helped me so much.

I agree OP, and I say this as someone who has spent a lot of time in therapy. The only thing that helped me was group therapy tbh as you can share with other people going through similar things and bounce off of each other. Never found individual therapy that helpful.

So no – you haven't then. Regardless, you can perform all those functions and still struggle, be unhappy and require assistance.

I had really bad therapy at mid 20 odd which was protracted, completely unproductive, really self destructive and very poorly directed. I had very short term therapy 20 years later more or less pertaining to the same issue (fallout from childhood abuse) that was life changing and completely revolutionised my life and my children’s life into the future.

The difference was an excellent therapist.

Quality of therapy is everything couple that with a patient being willing to self reflect and make necessary changes to themselves not looking to others to fix their issues and there is a really good chance of success.

If someone is navel gazing in therapy then they have a poor therapist. There are plenty of poor therapists out there.

I had therapy when I unfortunately developed distressing tinnitus . What a complete and utter waste of money , therapist telling me to pretend it was a radio and turn it down . Only improved after seeing audiologist who said I needed to learn to live with it and explained what it was .

And some people find they can't move on without assistance. What's the issue with that?

You’re still getting yourself through them, though. A therapist is just asking questions about thought patterns, beliefs, ways of coping with stressors and suggesting alternatives. For instance, I had literally never linked a childhood experience of CSA that I thought I’d come to terms with an ongoing adult eating disorder.

I always take it to mean “lummy, the issues here are really too much to be sorted on a MN thread”.