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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I overreacting to BFs poor driving?

92 replies

WingsTingle · 19/04/2026 23:39

Still feeling really cross about an incident earlier today. Headed for a day out, his DS and my DD in the back of the car.
On the motorway, BF pulls into the outside lane to overtake a slower vehicle (fine), but then stays in the outside lane doing 70…
After several minutes, the driver behind flashes his headlights to signal my BF that he wants to pass.
BF becomes enraged and calls him a few choice names, holds his middle finger up to the driver behind on his rear view mirror and stays put.
After another few minutes, BF pulls into the middle lane and the car behind goes to overtake. BF decides to put his foot down, too, making it impossible for the car behind to complete his overtake. BF is laughing and jeering the whole time.
He eventually eases off and the car passes, we pull off the motorway, etc.
I think BF was a complete knob for his behaviour, and I feel very angry that he made the decision for everyone I. The car to behave in a stupid, dangerous manner.
BF can’t see the problem as ‘nothing happened’. AIBU?

OP posts:
Amira83 · 20/04/2026 07:19

It was dangerous and endangering all of your lives, thats the reality, motorways are already dangerous enough just by driving normally.
However your boyf is not going to get it and to him it was just a laugh and a bit of fun..

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 20/04/2026 07:15

WingsTingle · 20/04/2026 06:51

@Wolfiefan got you. Yes - I’ll be having The Chat with him later. His complete failure to acknowledge what happened threw me for a loop thinking I’d completely overreacted- but I know I haven’t.
I’ve lost all respect for him, and I’m cross he did this to me, let alone my daughter…

He will nod and smile and nothing will change.

His poor ds. Stuck with dad like that.

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 20/04/2026 07:14

What an absolute twat. Dangerous and embarrassing. I’d be ashamed to be involved with a man like that.

WaryHiker · 20/04/2026 07:12

Cross enough to do the right thing and dump him? It doesn't sound like it, but you really should. Sooner rather than later.

Original poster
WingsTingle · 20/04/2026 06:51

@Wolfiefan got you. Yes - I’ll be having The Chat with him later. His complete failure to acknowledge what happened threw me for a loop thinking I’d completely overreacted- but I know I haven’t.
I’ve lost all respect for him, and I’m cross he did this to me, let alone my daughter…

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/04/2026 06:47

@WingsTingle you misunderstand. My mention of ex is that I wouldn’t be with anyone who behaved like this. He would be an ex.

CocoaTea · 20/04/2026 06:39

HeddaGarbled · 20/04/2026 00:07

Though to be fair, the speed limit is 70 and the flashing headlights driver was the biggest dick.

Agree - and that might be true (flashing can be seen to be a dick move) but the BF here has 2 kids in the car and his GF? Priorities?

CocoaTea · 20/04/2026 06:29

Maternityleavelady · 19/04/2026 23:48

The ick would be an understatement in this situation. No coming back from this. Time to dump him before he kills you or your kids

Exactly this.

bozzabollix · 20/04/2026 06:22

I’m a driving instructor. I wouldn’t go back in the car again. He needs do have another read of the Highway Code and also realise that being in a heightened emotional state when driving isn’t exactly safe.

You mention you son. I’d be having a chat with him and flipping it around, ask him how he felt with someone in a heightened emotional state driving. He probably felt fear. Use that fear as a lesson to discourage him from doing the same.

Teenagers don’t like being driven unsafely, so this can be a good learning opportunity for him.

As for your partner, he’s regulated to being too emotional to drive, I’d be refusing to get in with someone who can’t control their emotions.

PussInBin20 · 20/04/2026 03:44

He’s an immature dickhead and I would be telling him so.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/04/2026 03:20

WingsTingle · 20/04/2026 00:02

@BootMaker it does concern me even more now, I think, because my son has recently started driving too. I’ve drummed it into him never to get into that frame of mind, that a car is potentially a deadly weapon and how he must drive with consideration. To then have my BF (whose DD is also learning to drive, currently), behave like this saddens me - it is sickening

If he has a DD old enough to be learning to drive, he's at least late 30s, probably in his 40s? And still behaving like a dick behind the wheel!

He's not going to change. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

outerspacepotato · 20/04/2026 01:35

Road rage with dangerous driving with you and kids in the car is abusive behaviour.

Your boyfriend is abusive.If you won't dump him for that, at least keep him away from your kid.

suburberphobe · 20/04/2026 01:26

Fuck. He'd be a ex just for that attitude whilst driving. Your life and that of your children is more precious.

Or you might be visiting him in jail one day...

grinandslothit · 20/04/2026 01:17

You've been with him quite a few years I'm certain this isn't a one-off
Road rage is very dangerous and doing it with children in the car even more so

PrincessOfPreschool · 20/04/2026 01:09

He sounds very easily angered, especially if he feels belittled. I wonder if he's not showing these traits in other areas but you don't realise. I think you should show your son how unacceptable this behaviour is by dumping the boyfriend. I would ask your son what he thought of BF's behaviour. If he shrugs it off or excuses it then you know what you need to do.

BootMaker · 20/04/2026 01:06

@WingsTingle, really I don't think this is a man you need in your life. I would put money on the fact his driving isn't the only way this manifests.

And the fact he isn't your abusive ex doesn't make him in any way a 'good man', being less bad, isn't being good.

He's a bad man.

He might be less bad than your ex, but less bad, is still bad.

WinterBlues26 · 20/04/2026 00:58

WingsTingle · 19/04/2026 23:50

Thank you @Maternityleavelady
Ive been running it over and over in my head all day, and didn’t know if I was being silly to feel really put off him over this.
There was a similar incident a few months ago where he ‘chased’ a driver who he felt cut him up 😬

Bloody hell.. he chased someone?

That is aggression and he would be an ex just for that alone.

spstchmu · 20/04/2026 00:50

Having been the child in that car and worse, dont let the kids be driven by him again. Unless he works on his anger

WaryHiker · 20/04/2026 00:37

WingsTingle · 19/04/2026 23:48

I’m sorry you witnessed that, @Doggodoggo it sounds awful 😞
My abusive ex used to ‘drive angry’ so this sort of thing is very sensitive for me. Wasn’t sure if my feelings were OTT

You weren't sure?!!

Is this really what you want your daughter to see as acceptable behaviour? I would go ballistic if any man and my children's lives was giving other people the middle finger for any reason, let alone risking their safety.

Why have your protective instincts towards your child not kicked in? If you are really unable to see how egregious this man's behaviour is, you would seriously be better staying away from relationships until you have done the freedom programme or seen a therapist.

You really need to raise your standards here and ditch this man for your child's sake, if you won't do it for your own.

TheApollasMrCreatorNSOL · 20/04/2026 00:31

Being a prick at 70/80 mph is the height of stupidity.
I wouldn't get in a car with him again.

Fends · 20/04/2026 00:29

HeddaGarbled · 20/04/2026 00:07

Though to be fair, the speed limit is 70 and the flashing headlights driver was the biggest dick.

Oh that’s alright then. Fuck me.

Vaxtable · 20/04/2026 00:20

I would not be getting in the car with him again, nor would any of my children

gentileprof7 · 20/04/2026 00:17

In future, make sure you do the driving. I would not put my child's (or his child's) safety at risk.

Franjipanl8r · 20/04/2026 00:15

Grim. Grim behaviour and grim that he hasn’t apologised to everyone in the car. He’s clearly not embarrassed and he should be.

Original poster
WingsTingle · 20/04/2026 00:11

@HeddaGarbled see - I don’t think he was. The outside lane is for overtaking, not cruising, so BF was technically blocking the lane & holding up traffic…

OP posts: