AIBU to feel excluded by friends whispering and talking in code?

Leave the chat and grey rock.

If they're actually your friends I don't understand why you don't just ask 'what gives?! What are you lot waffling on about?' or something?

Yanbu.

BTW it’s alluded not eluded.

The poster who said drift away is 💯 right.

Don’t engage, be too busy to join. Find some new friends.

Don’t message in the chat or any of these other crazy suggestions.

I cannot stand this sort of behavior and would directly say something like, ‘look I get that Pam has something going on and you cannot tell me. That’s fine. But I would appreciate it if we could talk about something else. The way you are all whispering around it is making me uncomfortable.’ And then something like ‘So where is everyone going on holiday this summer?’ to make your point and completely change the subject.

This brought back memories of the type of cliques I encountered as a young mum.
I’m sure we all know the type; groups of mainly women, desperate to feel included, but if you don’t quite fit in, it’s a lonely place to be. If I were you, I’d make a swift exit. You can still be pleasant with them, but from a distance. It’s the only way to get perspective and regain your confidence.

Very good advice 👏

Ooph. More of that shitty group dynamic that so often becomes toxic and so often comes up on Mumsnet as an issue.
OK this not a “you” problem.
People don’t feel like an exclusive clique unless they are excluding someone or other. 🙄
Hate this. Seen it at work, (So often at work actually), in groups of female friends, and at the school gates.
Extricate yourself from these people, please OP. You deserve nicer people to hang out with.
Don’t allow them to choose you as the “person to be excluded” so as to make them feel like tighter group with an inner circle.
Some people never grow up.
Once you leave you can wonder who they’ll move onto excluding next- because, there will be someone else. Guaranteed.

This. They're clearly not your friends anymore.

This.
Sorry you've been made to feel bad by this playground behaviour. 'Mean girls. '

Definitely don’t give them more fuel by bringing it up.

Distance yourself quietly.

They are extremely rude and childish.

Are you sure that the code was not because there were children present?Maybe they think you know.

I was close to a (baby to pre school) friendship group, we are all still friends (post school starting) I did struggle at times within the group where I would feel left out & distanced to the group and itbdid cause me anxiety, upset and stress. I read similar threads online and somone said that you should place them where they belong. You don't need to fall out with them or cause issues within the group but put them where they belong in your mind. If they would not do something for you don't do it for them, if you are included in the group enjoy it for what it is, if you are not then it is what it is. These things generally go full circle and often these type of groups end up falling apart to some degree. I have remained on the outside/distanced but still close enough to be involved. We are not best friends (which I have no interest in being) and I dont overshareabput my personal life but I am close enough they will tell me things in confidence (often slagging/gossiping about another in the group ) I always remain impartial and treat them as they deserve to be treated in my friendship hierarchy. This may sound a bit stuck up but I am generally a laid back person and I can't be doing with bitchyness in friendships. Sorry you are going through this OP. Keep them at arms length and try to continue without them having control over you social life.

If you are in a group chat, i might post " hi all, its clear there's some stuff going on that you need to have private time to talk about. That's ok, but if you could let me know before I come with the kids I can nake other plans"

Well I presume because her kid gets on with their kids and she wants to maintain that for them. It’s a shame the grown ups tend to forget that part and act like they are at school again!

Would people really message in the group chat? And then they either deny it or ignore you. This is something to either address at the time (not possible now and maybe too awkward at the time anyway) or just drift away from the group. Drop the rope as someone upthread said. Honestly, it's better to have fewer friends then to have 'friends' who act like this.

I’d reach out to the most normal person / closest person to you, who was there. Ask them for a 1-1 coffee. Say you don’t want to make them feel awkward but are you no longer welcome in the group? You’ve been getting weird energy and wondered why it might be. Ask if she could perhaps be there to chat to if you need next time?

Be prepared that she may not get it, or worse may feed it back to them. But at least you tried.

Under the layers built up over 30/40/50+ years of adulthood, there lurks in all of us the 10 yr old we once were. For some, their 10 year old self has remained much closer to the surface than for others! Rise above it.

I’d message on the WhatsApp group “I picked up some weird energy today in the park, is everything ok?”

If you don’t get a satisfactory response, block them all and find other grown up friends.

You should’ve told them you’re embarrassed by the lengths they’re going to just to avoid talking about it -especially when you don’t even care 🤣 Then I’d leave the group chat and not bother with them again lol

Ask them!

I’d send a message in the group chat telling them how uncomfortable you felt. I’d leave the group chat and then not bother with them again.

Sorry, the grown ups are behaving worse than the children ever would in the playground. Even if there was something they didn't want you to know then they just shut up about it, stop whispering and carry on as normal in a friendship group. To treat you like this, well, I think it's time to make better friends that are, well, adult!

Jesus, just ignore them and find less juvenile friends? Or say ‘What’s up, Pam? Is it your haemorrhoids at you again?’ very loudly? I mean, it’s not like you care that much whether Pam’s line manager looked funny at her or her husband sent a heart emoji to Sue from Accounts, anyway, I assume?