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Original poster

Coparent keeps signing kids up to activities on my parenting time, then demanding money

58 replies

hotrocks84 · 19/04/2026 21:51

Fuming! Help me to find a way to manage this so the kids get what they'd like and I dont lose my mind.

Ex quite controlling (hence ex). He makes a lot more money than me. We do 50:50. Every term he signs the kids up to do activities on the days the kids are with me, without consulting me. He then demands that I take the kids and that I pay him.

This term he's really extended on this theme by booking the kids into activities that take 4 hours each at the weekend, often at the same time and in different places. This is on top of two weeknight classes both on my contact days. He's also demanding that on weekends that he has the kids, I help with lifts.

I love my kids. I want them to do nice things that they enjoy (and that I couldn't afford for them). I just want to be ASKED FIRST.

Feel this puts me in a horrible bind because I want the kids to enjoy their hobby but also I dont want him to feel he can continue to dictate what kids and i do with our money and time now that we've separated.

We have been separated for years. Have asked time and again for him to consult me. Usually end up meeting him in the middle re costs and logistics to make it not awkward for the kids.

How do I stop this nonsense? Is there anything I can try to make him respect my time and role more?

OP posts:
Original poster
hotrocks84 · 19/04/2026 22:24

Am definitely planning to tell him to sling his hook! And that he needs to respect the custody arrangement.

Could do with advice on how to explain this to the kids. Have told them in the past I cant afford stuff and they're fine with that. But what I need is an explanation for the kids about why I won't be ferrying them on their weekends with dad. I'm really worried that he'll say oh your mum had the chance to see you play today, but she said no, so now you can't go. Not sure what to do about that.

OP posts:
KarmenPQZ · 19/04/2026 22:16

Do the kids want to do them?

what do you mean when you say booking them in ‘your time’. Do you alternate days so a Tuesday would be his one week and yours the next? Or do the activities need several sessions a week? If either of these are true then he’d never be able to book them only on ‘his time’

but really I think it comes down to whether the kids want to do them or not

Bunnybackinherwarren · 19/04/2026 21:59

A judge would tell him to stop making plans for the dc while they are with you.
The dc don't need to be so busy.

INeedAnotherName · 19/04/2026 21:58

Court.

It's your only option if he isn't listening. And stop running around after him, I bet he doesn't even offer petrol money. He is still controlling your time and your money with an added layer of emotional blackmail "bc it's for the kids".

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 19/04/2026 21:57

You have to say no 🤷‍♀️

He’s doing this to get to you and it’s working.

It’s hard when the kids are in the middle but what he’s doing is wrong. Just tell him you’ll do what you want with the kids on your time.

Jaxinabox · 19/04/2026 21:57

You just say no. I don’t want to sound blunt but that’s the answer. He’s not in charge of you, your time or your money. Say no.

RandomMess · 19/04/2026 21:55

You put in a boundary and say no.

Tell the DC up front that you can’t afford X anymore so daddy will have to pay.

Insist on using a Co-parenting app admissible in court for ALL contact and tell him going forward you cannot afford and you will not be giving lifts in your time for things he books without your consent.

Lmnop22 · 19/04/2026 21:55

You just tell him that if he wants to book activities, he pays for them unless you’ve expressly agreed in advance to split the cost and that you’ll accommodate them if you can on your days unless you’ve been part of the conversation and agreed in advance to accommodate the activities.

He can’t dictate that you take them anywhere on your time and certainly not that you help him with lifts on your child free weekends! If he couldn’t make it work to get the kids to both activities then why the hell did he sign them up in the first place?!