Ended marriage and ex is thriving…. but I’m not

Besides parenting and work, do you have anything in place that focuses on you?

Could it be that you are naturally a glass half empty type of person and he is glass half full? It seems he has done the best of a situation he didn't choose whereas you chose it but haven't worked at improving your life. I don't think you'd be any happier if you were still with him, nor do I think you'd be any happier if he was doing badly. The issue is within you, not with him.

Because it helps people work through things that are holding them back in life or causing them to act a certain way and they may not realise.
Having a professional help you work through things that have happened in your life and make you understand why you feel a certain way is extremely helpful.
Talking about things isn’t a bad thing.

Therapy again - what is the fascination with therapy?

Sounds like a “you” issue that you need to solve. Therapy would be a great start.

Why is therapy the answer to everything?

She doesn't need therapy, she has a choice, stay the same or make the change - there saved her thousands!

It doesn’t matter what your ex is doing, he’s accepted the change and made it work for him. Now you need to do the same. Plan some events, do hobbies and build your life back up. If you can’t maybe you need some counselling to help you understand why you are in this funk. And when you are in a better place you can start to look at dating too if you want to.

Shake your life up, do new things, place yourself outside ur comfort zone, challenge yourself to do something very different.

You can thrive too. Or you can choose not to.

My ex was rubbish, drink all the time, abusive, no sense of responsibility to me and our son, barely looked after him. We never lived together he stayed living with his mum the whole time. Then told me his mum didn't want me at his house and he went along with it.

Me and my son ended up homeless and he wouldn't give us a place to stay or rent a place with us. It was at this point that I realized he didn't really love us, and let him go. It's been a few years and I've just found out he's having a baby and is looking for a house for them.

It does just feel insulting and horrible that he couldn't do that for us all those years but he can do it with his new family. I also feel jealous that ye gets a second chance at a family while I'm still single.

You need to get a mindset of being happy for him, his happiness will benefit your daughter.
Separately focus on your own happiness. What do you do when you don’t have your daughter, try some hobbies, online dating etc. Try work out what you think is missing and how to address it.

You know you’re being unreasonable and you are acting extremely poorly. Good for him for moving on. You have no right to dictate his behaviour and you risk ruining your co-parenting relationship with your bitterness. Just stop.

You have 50% of the week to explore your own likes and dislikes, get fit, eat healthy, make friends and find a new job you actually like (because it sounds like yours is not doing it for you). You need to use it.

You also need to stop with the texting. He is entitled to his own life and successes, and jealous texting only reflects badly on you.

So you weren't happy with him and you're not happy without him.

The commen denominator here is you.

So what are you going to do about it?

It's OK, OP, you've still got plenty of time. 3 years after the split is relatively early days. You can do all the things that your ex has done, if you want to. Think about what you'd like to be different in your life and start making changes to make it happen.

Sorry! I just saw you’ve said right there that he has her 50/50.

What’s your custody arrangement with your DD? If he has her one night a week and EOW, I can see why he’s been able to take up hobbies and lose weight and start dating and you haven’t.

I don't see what right you had to angrily text him other than your jealousy. What has he actually done wrong? and unless you have specific orders to say is it cant happen what right to you have to dictate who he can intdouce his child too?

same as he cant dictate to you

This sounds like some fantasy post from an ex husband whose wife left him, hoping this is how she feels either now or in the future lol.

It's very confusing when an ex starts to move on with a new partner especially if you haven't done so yourself. Don't give yourself a hard time, what you are feeling is normal even though you ended the marriage yourself.
All you can do is try to focus on yourself and not make comparisons with him which is easier said than done I know.

With time and with a good co parenting relationship, it's sometimes hard to remember why your marriage was bad enough for you to end it.
You are seeing the good bits of your ex now and in some ways he seems even better because he's lost weight, is doing different things etc but he is really still the same man & if you were together the same problems in your relationship would be there.

Try to put your kids at the heart of this. If he's happy and sorted and is still prioritising his children then that's really what you want. A bitter, unhappy dad would be awful for them and probably for you too as the co parent.
Obviously you will have to keep an eye and check his priorities don't change with a new relationship in the mix but hopefully he will continue being a good dad.

And then, as others have said, try to make the most of your 50:50 time so that you are distracted from this and to give your own life more fulfillment and colour.

@TightlyLacedCorset this is funny: "Of course there are deviations from this, but in general they move on to another woman before really doing the inner work. Women tend to do more introspection."

Before they do the inner work. yes, sounds like it's him who needs to do the inner work clearly. we don't know if he's done any inner work. but if his reaction to the unhinged accusation text is anything to go by he seems to be doing ok mentally. doesnt just introduce some new woman in his kids life and when the angry ex texts him about being accused he didn't snap back.

Women tend to do more introspection: saying this in this thread is a little ironic though. woman stuck in whatever mode she is in and feeling annoyed that her ex is doing better. you know the father of her kid who they spend 50% of the time with. if that doesnt scream lack of introspection I dunno what does.

Good for him - great role model for your daughter.

I realise that it’s probably hard to watch him move on but you have the option to make great changes if you want them as well - start now and shape the life you want.

The only person responsible for your happiness is you. It's all for the good that your ex husband is happy and enjoying life - for your daughter. It's much better for her to have happy parents.

If you're dissatisfied with life, what can you do to change it? New job, new hobbies, going out with friends, joining a sports team or exercise class? Save up and do some travelling to new places?The possibilities are endless. You just need to decide that you want to change things up and start with one thing.

Two things stand out to me.

One: clearly, he wasn't in a great state when he was with you, if he's made such a dramatic change. Sometimes both people in a relationship do know, deep down, it isn't ok, and I wonder if he did know just as well as you that it wasn't. I agree with a PP that it may have been the 'kick' he needed to think 'actually, I wasn't feeling all that great in that relationship and I need to sort my life out'. I think later on this will feel like another bit of evidence that the split was the right and mature thing to do (as will the fact he's a good co-parent).

Two: it is so easy, when a relationship isn't abusive or broken by infidelity or something dramatic, to look back and think it must have been ok. Women are heavily conditioned to believe we 'should' be in relationships and we somehow owe it to partners to stay in those relationships. But you weren't feeling ok, were you?

If you really, genuinely, deep down feel that you called it wrong, then that was a mistake and it is sad. But life includes mistakes. You can't change them. You just have to carry on as gracefully as you can and try not to make the same mistakes again. It isn't the end of the world. Everyone has things in their past they feel they could have done differently and better. What matters is how you carry on now. Do you want a new job? Do you want to do different things as a parent to your child? Would you like to be dating? You need to pick yourself up and make some of these changes, if they are the things you want in your life.

You are the issue.

You blamed him in the marriage and now you’re trying to blame him somehow now.

The only person in control of your life is you.

Did you really think he’d sit there pining for you all day?
Would that make you happier?

I’d be gutted if I ended a relationship just because I wanted more (and there was no abuse etc) and he was heartbroken and pining for me for months.

All we can do is do better for ourselves.
He’s doing that but you’re not.