To only invite one twin?

My dd has twin friends. Mum asks which one is invited, but isn't an arse about it. I did try and invite both if I can accommodate (wouldn't now older)

Unless they are conjoined, it's fine to only invite one of them.

DD2's best friends are twins. She went to the same primary as both of them but only grew up with one in her class, therefore the one in DD's class was DD's friend. If DD had a party the one in her class would come, the other one wouldn't. If the twins had a birthday party then they would invite their own friends each from their own classes and they would often only receive a gift from their own friend (rather than people buy both of them a gift). Their mum told she was happy that they had their own set of friends.

Now they're all in high school and hang out in the same friendship group. DD is friends with them equally, so if there's an outing, party or event they both get invited. If they have a party they both get a gift.

I get what you’re saying, of course girls can have all girls spaces, but these have been his friends since nursery. They’re in his class, not hers. We have play dates with them etc, I’ve had them for sleepovers, I have them frequently in the school holidays to help parents out with childcare (I teach), his sister is only friends with them because she’s been introduced to them by him! He has one male friend (whose party he and his sister went to in sept) and believe me we’ve tried to encourage more, as have school, but it’s just not how it’s worked out. His two best friends are both girls, and both openly say he is their bestie. They’ve been inseparable since age three.

So yes I do feel pissed off. Not at the girls of course but at the situation. I know as a senior teacher that in teenage it’s really normal to have boys who prefer girls company and to have tight friendships like this so I’m sure it’ll all come right but when he's telling me he wishes he were a girl because he’s sad his sister has been invited to a friend from his class’s party and he hasn’t because he’s a boy, I feel sad for him and yes, pissed off in a general way! If he wasn’t a twin, he probably wouldn’t even notice 😂

i don’t want to derail the OP because i maintain it’s absolutely not her duty to invite the second twin. But I just wanted to point out that sometimes these things are more complex than your standard twin-mum high horse outrage.

Have you had any play dates where you invited your child's friend who is a twin on their own or with their twin?
For me it depends how well they know the other twin and if they have previously spent time with your child.

Don’t feel pissed off with girls doing girls only. Girls are allowed to congregate without boys and it shouldn’t anger you. If your kids are in different classes it sounds like it is time to encourage separate friendships rather than being pissed off with the friends who are naturally more friendly with girls in their class.

By the time they’re 7 and are just inviting a small group of best friends only inviting one twin is completely fine

Just say “it’s friends only - siblings aren’t invited to the party I’m afraid”.

Why?

Fuck that. Unless you've buried the lead and they are conjoined twins, that's a load of bollocks

I have twins. They're have separate classes at school, hobbies, bedrooms and toys (some toys are shared, some school clubs they both do).

They go to parties separately and (occasionally) together. If they have to do everything together, where does it end? Same GCSEs? A levels? Uni? Job share?

Twins are separate people who can travel the road they choose.

The twins mum is unreasonable. I have twins, they are different people and I wouldn't automatically expect both to be invited.

Both children are going to miss out on being invited to parties. Why would you want your child going to a party where they're not friends with anyone except their sibling?

Twins are not clones 😂
They even have different fingerprints.
Anyone who has even vaguely known a set of identiticals can tell them apart after a short time.

There are twins in my dds class. 10y old now. Dd is friends with one. Not the other really. But they cannot be invited to parties or even play dates without the other one. Drives me absolutely batshit. We don’t invite them anymore

I have twins aged 8. One is invited to parties every blooming weekend. The other has had one all year (that was at the start of sept!). They are B/G but have always had the same group of (all female) friends, despite being in separate classes in a year group of 90. This year he’s stopped being invited to the girls’ parties; they seem to have become “girls only” parties. I dunno if it’s an age thing. It’s really hard for him to see his sister being invited to parties of his friends when he isn’t and I have declined her invite to a couple (but never said it’s because he’s not invited) because deep down I feel pissed off and sad for him and would rather just spend the weekend doing something nice with both of them, especially when due to location/childcare the alternative is her going and he and I loitering near the party waiting for her to finish.
So whilst I would always say absolutely you don’t have to invite them both, I would also say sometimes raising twins can be more complex than people realise and there may be more nuanced reasons she declined.

They are breathtakingly unreasonable.

Identical twins are not clones!!!

I have no idea why they put them in different classes and expect them to have the same friends.

My daughter was friends with one twin for most of primary school. Never occurred to me to invite her twin brother because his sister was friends with my daughter. They were in the same class and my daughter had coed parties but she wasn’t friends with the boy so he wasn’t invited. Don’t think I ever saw him at the parties my daughter went to actually - they had totally different friend groups.

Another aspect - I recall that my two had two or three joint parties in primary years, and it was always a case of each twin invited their own list of friends. I made it clear that if anyone brought a present they should only bring one for the twin that invited them, not both.

Personally I would include the twin.

I’m curious about what the parent said exactly. I can’t quite imagine being that rude to someone who has invited my child to a party.

How rude of them!

It would be hard for them. They’re only 7. It’s perfectly okay for them to find it hard.

Despite being separate people, they are also twins and it would upset them. I would help them navigate it.

I did just this last month.
DD and the twins are in the same class, but she only plays with one of them. Simple as that.