AIBU to insist on choosing my children's wedding outfits myself?

PennyManyMaybe13 · 2026-04-18T21:12:11+00:00

BIL getting married next year. We do not get on and are low contact. MIL wants to buy my children’s clothes for wedding despite them not being in wedding party. This comes with them choosing what they wear as “needs to look good for photos”. AIBU to say no I will choose what they wear? All feels very for show and don’t want children used as probs.

Bunnybackinherwarren · 19/04/2026 12:28

Let her buy the clothes. Then you buy what you / dc actually want to wear.. Any fuss on the day just say they dc wanted their own choice to wear today.

Snaletrale · 19/04/2026 08:18

Do the bride and groom know mils plan to match them to the toddlers?

Trainup · 19/04/2026 08:14

Just don’t go? Presumably as you are going it is to keep the peace.. so why start a conflict over what your children are wearing. Let mil sort out what they are wearing. It saves you money and a job.

Thefingerofblame · 18/04/2026 23:34

comealongdobbeh · 18/04/2026 22:56

If I were low contact I wouldn’t waste my time going at all.

However if you are going to go, let them buy the clothes. At least that way, your kids will blend in with all the other kids I’m guessing they’re buying for? Regardless of whether they are doing it to make it look like they are close with your kids, at least this way your kids won’t feel like the odd ones out.

If you like, you can return the clothes afterwards so they can’t then accuse you of keeping them 😂

What does your DH say?

Absolutely this!

@PennyManyMaybe13 just have the satisfaction that you are not spending more money than you have to for a wedding you don’t want to be at. Let the in-laws splash their cash. Treat yourself with the savings!

KilkennyCats · 18/04/2026 23:30

If anyone wanted to use your children as props they’d have been included in the wedding party.
Props, my arse.

CorvusPurpureus · 18/04/2026 23:30

Can you just send dh with the kids to attend the wedding, given you don’t get on with the family?

let him argue about outfits with his mum…meanwhile, you’re off having a lovely weekend with mates/on a yoga retreat/in Las Vegas…

comealongdobbeh · 18/04/2026 23:28

PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 23:21

There will be two toddler aged flower girls that bride and groom paying for outfits. They want my children to wear the same as these girls despite not being in wedding party as “look good in photos”. There are lots and lots of other children attending who will not be “matching”.

Show quote history

Then I’d say you’re not BU. Your husband agrees. Put your kids in the close you/they choose

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/04/2026 23:26

Ah, so it looks as if they're having a grander wedding than they can actually afford?

beAsensible1 · 18/04/2026 23:22

I mean unless you think the clothes will be mad so what if she wants create the perfect picture. You are already going to avoid drama.

give them back or get her to send the ones she likes and purchase them yourself.

Original poster

PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 23:21

comealongdobbeh · 18/04/2026 23:14

If the bride and groom want all the kids matching, why aren’t they buying for the others also? Do they think money might be an issue?

Show quote history

There will be two toddler aged flower girls that bride and groom paying for outfits. They want my children to wear the same as these girls despite not being in wedding party as “look good in photos”. There are lots and lots of other children attending who will not be “matching”.

OP posts:

comealongdobbeh · 18/04/2026 23:14

PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 23:09

They are not buying for anyone else. So I don’t think kids would feel odd. Husband happy with me to buy clothes my children choose.

Show quote history

If the bride and groom want all the kids matching, why aren’t they buying for the others also? Do they think money might be an issue?

somanychristmaslights · 18/04/2026 23:12

YOU don’t need to do anything. It’s DH mum, get him to tell her she won’t be buying their clothes.

Original poster

PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 23:11

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/04/2026 23:08

If they're not in the wedding party do the bride and groom actually want them dressed to match? I wouldn't mind someone else taking on the expense of buying my kids clothes but I would want input (and at that age so would they).

Yes bride and groom want children matching so “looks good in photos”.

OP posts:

Original poster

PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 23:09

comealongdobbeh · 18/04/2026 22:56

If I were low contact I wouldn’t waste my time going at all.

However if you are going to go, let them buy the clothes. At least that way, your kids will blend in with all the other kids I’m guessing they’re buying for? Regardless of whether they are doing it to make it look like they are close with your kids, at least this way your kids won’t feel like the odd ones out.

If you like, you can return the clothes afterwards so they can’t then accuse you of keeping them 😂

What does your DH say?

They are not buying for anyone else. So I don’t think kids would feel odd. Husband happy with me to buy clothes my children choose.

OP posts:

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/04/2026 23:08

If they're not in the wedding party do the bride and groom actually want them dressed to match? I wouldn't mind someone else taking on the expense of buying my kids clothes but I would want input (and at that age so would they).

comealongdobbeh · 18/04/2026 22:56

If I were low contact I wouldn’t waste my time going at all.

However if you are going to go, let them buy the clothes. At least that way, your kids will blend in with all the other kids I’m guessing they’re buying for? Regardless of whether they are doing it to make it look like they are close with your kids, at least this way your kids won’t feel like the odd ones out.

If you like, you can return the clothes afterwards so they can’t then accuse you of keeping them 😂

What does your DH say?

HaveCreditWillShop · 18/04/2026 22:52

To be honest, sounds like this wedding is going to drive you absolutely spare. I think you’ve got to go all or nothing to be honest - either don’t go at all, or suck it up and just let her buy them some dresses. They might like matching the other kids. Yes they probably do want the appearance of a happy family - try to remember the poor bride if you can x

openended · 18/04/2026 22:51

By age year 5 and 6 surely they would express an opinion as to what they would like to wear? If they are expected to be in the wedding party them surely your dh is too? I'd expect him to go with them so he can advocate for them especially if they don't know your mil that well. Alternatively just ask for the colours they are expected to wear and go from there to take them to try stuff on?

JoWilkinsonsno1fan · 18/04/2026 22:43

I would say no to Mil, as they are in year 5 and 6 they will be choosing or having an opinion on what they wear. They are old enough to have a view.

Original poster

PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 22:39

HaveCreditWillShop · 18/04/2026 22:32

I get on really well with my MIL and if she made an offer to buy outfits I’d be delighted, but she’d buy from shops I liked anyway probably; so like something from Monsoon Kids for example. My guess is she’s worried you’re not going to dress them appropriately. What’s the brother in law’s new wife like? Is she worried you’re going to send them in joggers and a t-shirt or something cheap looking? I can’t think why else she’d try to do this… unless she knows there’s other little ones who will be bridesmaids in a certain colour? How old are your kids?

It is my view it is not being offered from generosity but as means to control getting “perfect picture”. I think family know I would not dress kids in jogging bottoms etc. They want to create illusion of children as wedding party and all one happy family. Children are Year 5 and 6.

OP posts:

Original poster

PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 22:39

HaveCreditWillShop · 18/04/2026 22:32

I get on really well with my MIL and if she made an offer to buy outfits I’d be delighted, but she’d buy from shops I liked anyway probably; so like something from Monsoon Kids for example. My guess is she’s worried you’re not going to dress them appropriately. What’s the brother in law’s new wife like? Is she worried you’re going to send them in joggers and a t-shirt or something cheap looking? I can’t think why else she’d try to do this… unless she knows there’s other little ones who will be bridesmaids in a certain colour? How old are your kids?

It is my view it is not being offered from generosity but as means to control getting “perfect picture”. I think family know I would not dress kids in jogging bottoms etc. They want to create illusion of children as wedding party and all one happy family. Children are Year 5 and 6.

OP posts:

Original poster

PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 22:39

HaveCreditWillShop · 18/04/2026 22:32

I get on really well with my MIL and if she made an offer to buy outfits I’d be delighted, but she’d buy from shops I liked anyway probably; so like something from Monsoon Kids for example. My guess is she’s worried you’re not going to dress them appropriately. What’s the brother in law’s new wife like? Is she worried you’re going to send them in joggers and a t-shirt or something cheap looking? I can’t think why else she’d try to do this… unless she knows there’s other little ones who will be bridesmaids in a certain colour? How old are your kids?

It is my view it is not being offered from generosity but as means to control getting “perfect picture”. I think family know I would not dress kids in jogging bottoms etc. They want to create illusion of children as wedding party and all one happy family. Children are Year 5 and 6.

OP posts:

Bunnybackinherwarren · 18/04/2026 22:33

Actually ask her what day she is taking them shopping.. Have them ready at the door and enjoy your free day.

HaveCreditWillShop · 18/04/2026 22:32

I get on really well with my MIL and if she made an offer to buy outfits I’d be delighted, but she’d buy from shops I liked anyway probably; so like something from Monsoon Kids for example. My guess is she’s worried you’re not going to dress them appropriately. What’s the brother in law’s new wife like? Is she worried you’re going to send them in joggers and a t-shirt or something cheap looking? I can’t think why else she’d try to do this… unless she knows there’s other little ones who will be bridesmaids in a certain colour? How old are your kids?

wheresthesnowgone · 18/04/2026 22:29

Let the woman buy the clothes and give them back to her to dispose of after the wedding