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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To holiday without SC?

64 replies

Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 21:52

DP and I don’t have shared finances, we earn fairly similar but he pays a lot in maintenance etc to SCs mum, so I have more spare cash. We share a toddler. It’s been a hard year.

I want to go for a week in the sun with toddler. It would cost around 2k. Taking SC and DP with us would cost more like 8k, which I can’t afford (and to be honest wouldn’t be relaxing at all) and nor could DP.

AIBU to just go anyway?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:55

LizandDerekGoals · 18/04/2026 22:50

You are not married and do not have shared financies so of course you shoudnt pay for them to go away. Go with the toddler.

Paying for them isn’t an option, I cant afford 8k!

OP posts:
MiaKulper · 18/04/2026 22:53

Forree · 18/04/2026 22:12

unless he also takes his dc on their own holiday then I think this would be likely to cause some upset for the step children

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They probably go away with their mother.

LizandDerekGoals · 18/04/2026 22:50

You are not married and do not have shared financies so of course you shoudnt pay for them to go away. Go with the toddler.

Original poster
Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:47

Forree · 18/04/2026 22:43

Well I wouldn't go on a holiday if i couldn't afford to take all my children. I wouldn't just take one and leave the others behind.

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What if I was paying? I’d be paying for the toddler and the room anyway

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Forree · 18/04/2026 22:43

Namechangerage · 18/04/2026 22:33

Why?

Could they not use the excuse of going outside term-time?

Unless the SC’s mum or dad can afford to pay towards the £8k then I don’t think it is unreasonable for OP to not subsidise it.

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Well I wouldn't go on a holiday if i couldn't afford to take all my children. I wouldn't just take one and leave the others behind.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 18/04/2026 22:41

Go with your toddler and have a lovely time!

I think there has to be some compromise in blended families - not everyone can be included in everything. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to have a relaxing week away with your child. There is nothing wrong with you, DP and toddler having a week away. Having the SC along will make it totally different, and it doesn’t mean anyone loves anyone else in the equation any less if they’re not included.

Fluffyowl00 · 18/04/2026 22:33

I think it’s absolutely fine for you to go or three of you to go. I don’t think DSC will be bothered - and if they are - just point out that if the come - yes they will be woken up at 6am every day. I speak as an aunt with a toddler whose niblings would rather DIE than come away with me and my sister as “all we’ll do is boring stuff”.

I’d go for the overkill and tell them all the fun they’ll have with toddler half sister and ‘quality family time’. Beg them to come. Then when them hum and haw go for the Sept option !

Namechangerage · 18/04/2026 22:33

Forree · 18/04/2026 21:53

Just you and your toddler? That seems fine I can't see an issue with that. Obviously would be different if all three of you went without SC

Why?

Could they not use the excuse of going outside term-time?

Unless the SC’s mum or dad can afford to pay towards the £8k then I don’t think it is unreasonable for OP to not subsidise it.

Original poster
Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:31

rebus · 18/04/2026 22:23

Your dp is currently on a weekend away with his SC without you (and joint dc). He's made non-commital noises, indicating a lack of interest in a sunny holiday with you and dc. I see no reason at all for you and toddler not to enjoy a sunny holiday with your separate finances.

Have a wonderful time!!!

Thank you! I have found some beautiful hotels already

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:31

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/04/2026 22:21

Are the teens offended that she does this?

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Not that they’ve mentioned to me!

OP posts:
rebus · 18/04/2026 22:23

Your dp is currently on a weekend away with his SC without you (and joint dc). He's made non-commital noises, indicating a lack of interest in a sunny holiday with you and dc. I see no reason at all for you and toddler not to enjoy a sunny holiday with your separate finances.

Have a wonderful time!!!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/04/2026 22:21

Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:20

Their mum is a big fan of holidays and takes them abroad every year, plus she goes away with her new boyfriend and their youngest whilst SC are with us. I think last year she went on five holidays so I don’t think she’d be at all offended if we took one!

Are the teens offended that she does this?

Original poster
Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:20

Their mum is a big fan of holidays and takes them abroad every year, plus she goes away with her new boyfriend and their youngest whilst SC are with us. I think last year she went on five holidays so I don’t think she’d be at all offended if we took one!

OP posts:
Bunnybackinherwarren · 18/04/2026 22:18

Her rules def need not apply at my home..
Dsd missed out because she was so controlling.

Fidgety31 · 18/04/2026 22:18

Your partner has 3 kids so he has to take them if he goes on any holiday I guess .

however no problem with you going alone with your own child .
I think the only time he could go without his other kids is if it were the same time they go away with their mum .

Zippidydoodah · 18/04/2026 22:16

Bunnybackinherwarren · 18/04/2026 22:01

When I had sc we used to take mine away. His ex wouldn't let dsd come so solved the issue..
Apparently it wasn't fair if she had a great time and she wasn't there to share in that.
Same woman who had taught dsd to put tissue in the loo before a poo. Dsd used to have a hissy fit if we didn't!

wtf is the relevance of the toilet comment? So what?

Forree · 18/04/2026 22:16

Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:13

I’ve said I need a sunny holiday and he’s made non-committal noises hence why I’m researching now. He’s actually on a weekend away with SC at the moment, we have a UK beach week with them in May and a camp trip in August but they’re both already saying they don’t want to go camping.

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If they already don't want to go camping and then their dad goes off on a "better" holiday with his new child I can't imagine that will go down well.

openended · 18/04/2026 22:16

I don't see an issue with you taking your own child on holiday. I appreciate some people might not think anything of your dh joining you without the sc if they get a holiday abroad with their mum or him on his own. I think he should consider how he would feel going on holiday without them and that should help him decide whether he should join you or not.

Original poster
Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:14

Ilovegolf · 18/04/2026 22:13

Ok. But that is to be expected surely? Most teenagers are….unpleasant for a time?

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They’re welcome to be unpleasant to their dad whilst I’m sunning myself elsewhere!

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Original poster
Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:13

MaggiesShadow · 18/04/2026 22:10

Have you talked to him about it? Does he want to go?

Personally, I think it's absolutely fine to go without your SC. If finances were shared it might be a bit trickier if they weren't getting a holiday but you're spending your money on your kid. That's fair enough!

I’ve said I need a sunny holiday and he’s made non-committal noises hence why I’m researching now. He’s actually on a weekend away with SC at the moment, we have a UK beach week with them in May and a camp trip in August but they’re both already saying they don’t want to go camping.

OP posts:
Ilovegolf · 18/04/2026 22:13

Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:08

Three years ago they got on well! Puberty has not been kind to the eldest!

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Ok. But that is to be expected surely? Most teenagers are….unpleasant for a time?

Forree · 18/04/2026 22:12

Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 21:54

I’d be happy for DP to come too but equally happy if he didn’t!

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unless he also takes his dc on their own holiday then I think this would be likely to cause some upset for the step children

PILEALLTHEPILLSONTHEFLOOR · 18/04/2026 22:12

Unrelated but when I was 15 I missed out on a blended family holiday to Turkey for 2 weeks because I wanted to meet up with my ex boyfriend. He cancelled on me. Had a nice 2 weeks with my grandma tho

MaggiesShadow · 18/04/2026 22:10

Have you talked to him about it? Does he want to go?

Personally, I think it's absolutely fine to go without your SC. If finances were shared it might be a bit trickier if they weren't getting a holiday but you're spending your money on your kid. That's fair enough!

Original poster
Sunshinecraving · 18/04/2026 22:08

Ilovegolf · 18/04/2026 22:07

Genuine question. If you feel like this, why have you entered into a relationship and had a further child, with a man who already has children?

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Three years ago they got on well! Puberty has not been kind to the eldest!

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