‘I don’t like this day!’

I have to warn her in advance that we aren’t buying toys/extra sweets/anything today,

That's possibly counter-productive. It feels like setting up a battle in advance. I can understand how you might have felt driven to do this. But it sounds like she has locked herself into a panicky perception that she has to control you in order to avoid any sense of frustration or deprivation, and your warning might just confirm that perception and prime her for conflict.

If at all possible, it can be good to say 'no' just once, and then ignore any further pleading/manipulation/etc, so that the battle is more contained in a single moment rather than leaking over minute or hours or the whole day.

And sometimes the 'no' can be folded into a 'yes' -- by saying something like "Yes, that would be a lovely thing for us to get you when it is your birthday". That can help to disrupt the panicky perception of a battle of wills

My DS actually prefers a packed lunch on a day out, I think! So that’s lucky for me 😄 Because there’s no waiting.

An ice cream or similar is then fine as I haven’t forked out for lunch.

This thread has actually made me realise he’s grown out of the magpie phase a bit!

It’s sad your DNs have been so spoiled. I do think if kids have absolutely everything they want, they stop enjoying it. Obviously it’s much sadder for kids who have nothing, but it does become the case that nothing is as enjoyable if you have too much.

My DNs always get bought things, there's never a day out without a trip to the gift shop, it's never a packed lunch from home it's always a meal out, sweets just before lunch, a magazine because they're in Tesco, a £25 toy because she said it was cute and they were walking past the shop to get milk. Whereas for us the trip is the treat, we usually pack a lunch, occasionally we don't and on rare occasion we will ask ds if he wants a souvenir. He is always pleased, and rarely asks for stuff in shops. For smaller things like comics he's given the option to use his pocket money and we'll break it down together, how many weeks pocket money it is etc and he's quite good at saying he doesn't think something is worth it.
My DNs nag for things all the time and interestingly if food or drinks often don't even eat or drink them. Is she used to getting things when you go out, had it become an expectation?
If not she is chancing her arm just say no and walk away she will follow.

I would have sent her to her room and taken the sweets.

You also have to remember that you’re looking back at your own childhood with blinkers.

”I would have been so happy to have received XYZ”

“I would have been so easily pleased with XYZ”

yeah speak to your parents. I guarantee they would remember you being 7/8 very very differently.

Thats not how children's minds work

In that case I'd say make sure you offload to each other and then try to see the funny side. It can make so much difference, feeling like someone else gets it.

It’s the age. My son is 13 now but I remember this between the age of 6-9. He outgrew it.
he does still ask for things but if we say no he’ll either accept it or counter with the offer of extra chores.

Just stick to your guns. I personally never have a shite if he had a tantrum over it. His brothers are both at the age where they ask and ask and if they tantrum it’s tough shit. Answers no.

My 5 year old says this to me. She can have had a new bike and a birthday party in the morning, but not being allowed to get sweets from the corner shop will make it the worst day ever. I just say ‘oh dear [name]” and go on with my day. I don’t entertain it but I also don’t give in.

You must be consistent so make sure that you don't sometimes get talked round once you've said no. Remind yourself that she's had hours having fun and the demanding behaviour is just a small time, probably when she is getting tired.

I could’ve wrote this OP. My son is 8 and it’s a constant battle when whenever we go to the shops. Even the walk home from school ends in an argument because he wants something from the local shop. It’s so stressful!

He asked for a watch the other day and I said “No” over and over. Then I pointed out that he had loads of money in his safe so if he really wanted it, he must pay for it. It was £40 and he paid for it!

I also get the “This is the worst day ever” - he said this after a day at Euro Disney once and I wanted to scream 😱 😂😂 All because I wouldn’t buy him anything from the gift shop.

Hopefully it’ll get better for us 🤞

I do this. DS accepts it now and we have gone from "whyyyyy can't I have it" to "please can we put this on my list?"
Chances are it is forgotten 10 mins later.

Bless you, i feel your pain! Id forgotten how my son used to do things like this and it really upset me, but as others have said they're just kids and they live in the moment. Try not to let it get to you - they sound like adults but they aren't, the intent behind the ungrateful words is very different. They're just having a momentary whine.

Don't engage in arguments, say no, then ignore.

It does get better!

PS are you a single mum? I was for many years and I think its worse when you have no one to share these niggles with. Apologies if I've made an incorrect assumption.

Yes I think it is another whole exercise making them realise that if they’re saving it doesn’t mean just spending your money in the meantime!

Saying that you are saving too is a good idea.

My two have a habit of interpreting “I can’t afford that” (frivolous thing) as “we’re going to be out on the streets by next Tuesday”, so I have to be careful how I put it!”

Don't argue with her OP. As I said repeat the same sentence 'The answer is No, we spoke about this before we came out'. Walk away if she starts trying to argue with you and don't engage. Your daughter wants you to argue with her, get frustrated/upset and give in!! If you get to a point and you feel you must say something, then I would say 'You are being extremely rude by keeping asking, when you know the answer is No, and I don't buy rude children presents' and walk away.

It’s obviously not great behaviour but as long as you aren’t giving in to it, I think she’ll come through in the end.

I agree with others re pocket money too. And make some of it dependent on chores (or that’s what I do).

My DS has at times been terrible for wanting to buy things, sometimes not even for the thing itself but for the dopamine hit of it. But having his own pocket money (not loads) to regulate himself really helps. He’s quite good at saving for things he really wants now.

I think kids get frustrated sometimes that they don’t have any control over the money side of things (rightly of course in terms of any thing more than pocket money level) but having a bit of their own money helps.

Ah well that perfect then, just say no because you are saving up for something that will be good for her too ‘no, just like you are saving up for x, mummy is saving up for a holiday/cinema trip/new paddling pool/whatever’.

I wouldn't feel guilty because whilst it's normal for kids to act ungrateful it's also normal for them to see that acting ungrateful and rude will upset people.