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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt our friendship group went away without us?

306 replies

starships · 18/04/2026 19:45

Aibu to be hurt that the rest of our friendship group have gone away for 2 nights?

so friendship group of 3 couples, always all been there for each other, always invited all couples whenever we have arranged anything even if it wasn’t their cup of tea.

today we’ve been inundated by pictures from 2 of the couples who have gone away for an (expensive) city break to somewhere we love doing stuff that we love. Aibu to feel hurt that we were never asked? I’m genuinely shocked by this.. no issues with friendship at all but this has been planned for some time and no one told us..

just feel hurt that no one asked if we would like to come? a just a week ago they cancelled on us after having something booked for a number of months they all pulled out with various excuses.. seen them since with no issues so we’re a bit perplexed!

thanks all- just wondering if I’m being unreasonable to feel hurt or not?

OP posts:
Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 18/04/2026 21:27

Did they say why they’d organised it just the 4 of them?

ThatWaryLimePeer · 18/04/2026 21:27

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 18/04/2026 21:23

Next time you see any of them, ask how their trip was and say “We’d have loved that.” Then leave that empty silence for them to fill with a reason why not one of the others thought you should be invited. They’ll say something - it would be too awkward not to.

I wouldn’t do this, they wanted to go away as a foursome which is a completely nothing to do.

Original poster
starships · 18/04/2026 21:26

Thefingerofblame · 18/04/2026 21:03

@starships how well do you and DH actually get on with them? Maybe they don’t like one of you and as you come as a couple neither of you were invited.

Very to be honest- all friendly and all text all the time. Never had crossed word or even a hint of any dislike whatsoever to be honest.

OP posts:
CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 18/04/2026 21:23

Next time you see any of them, ask how their trip was and say “We’d have loved that.” Then leave that empty silence for them to fill with a reason why not one of the others thought you should be invited. They’ll say something - it would be too awkward not to.

Stac011 · 18/04/2026 21:23

Very mean of them, I’m assuming you have a group chat or at least regular In-person chats, but they clearly chose to arrange this outside of that. Similar has happened to me before and I always regretted not asking why I was excluded. It made me feel self conscious about my relationship with them, so I found myself distancing myself. If I had just asked, maybe there was some explanation that was not as bad as the various reasons I came up with in my head for a long long time after.

ThatWaryLimePeer · 18/04/2026 21:19

I can imagine the shock of seeing all the photos but as you know they haven’t done anything wrong and they may regularly do other things as a foursome.
Try it to overthink this.

MMUmum · 18/04/2026 21:16

starships · 18/04/2026 19:59

Thank you, I said to them oh looks great, did we miss the invite and they said no they organised it just for themselves

just more hurt as they all cancelled on us last week for something else. 😂

Show quote history

I'd be hurt too op, bit crap really 🫤🫤

Holidaymodeon · 18/04/2026 21:15

CheeseAndTomatoSandwichWithMayo · 18/04/2026 20:28

There's something. They haven't told you what it is and they might never tell you, but there's something.

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They’re in a swinging scenario and don’t want op and her partner involved do whatever reason, maybe something super kinky?

Mary46 · 18/04/2026 21:15

I would def call out this mean girl behaviour. Just wondering do husbands get on is there tension in group.

BeenThere2Often · 18/04/2026 21:13

I too think their response was cold and mean. It’s always a deal with the devil asking about a direct snub like this.
All too often there is a meanness, or malice aforethought and/or a little power-play going on in intimate friendship groups.
It takes trust in the innate kindness of all concerned to expose your soft underbelly and indicate that you are in any way hurt or saddened by exclusion.
to coin an old phrase, I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction.
But deed now done, I would (painful as it might be) re-evaluate the group friendship and not show any kind of neediness. And be less available.

Original poster
starships · 18/04/2026 21:12

Etherealcelestialbeing · 18/04/2026 21:07

Could this be a financial thing OP?

Have you been talking about reining it in recently? Or saving towards something? Perhaps they felt it would be too much to ask you to join them?

No- one if the couples is wealthy and doesn’t spend a penny normally they are extremely ‘tight’ with money. We are also lucky enough to be wealthy and moneys never an issue. One of the couples isn’t as well off, this is another reason why I’m surprised- normally they wouldn’t pay for this type of trip- none of them would lol

OP posts:
Original poster
starships · 18/04/2026 21:10

MutherTrucker · 18/04/2026 20:59

A good response to “no we arranged it just for us this time” might be “that’s interesting because Sarah’s husband thinks you’re a cunt” but then they might realise you’re annoyed.

Haha I laughed at this

OP posts:
Rituelec · 18/04/2026 21:10

I couldnt pretend it wasn't bothering me if it was. I'd mute the chat and then when they get home say I was hurt

EvieBB · 18/04/2026 21:07

starships · 18/04/2026 19:45

Aibu to be hurt that the rest of our friendship group have gone away for 2 nights?

so friendship group of 3 couples, always all been there for each other, always invited all couples whenever we have arranged anything even if it wasn’t their cup of tea.

today we’ve been inundated by pictures from 2 of the couples who have gone away for an (expensive) city break to somewhere we love doing stuff that we love. Aibu to feel hurt that we were never asked? I’m genuinely shocked by this.. no issues with friendship at all but this has been planned for some time and no one told us..

just feel hurt that no one asked if we would like to come? a just a week ago they cancelled on us after having something booked for a number of months they all pulled out with various excuses.. seen them since with no issues so we’re a bit perplexed!

thanks all- just wondering if I’m being unreasonable to feel hurt or not?

What kind of friends do that? Mean! YANBU

Etherealcelestialbeing · 18/04/2026 21:07

Could this be a financial thing OP?

Have you been talking about reining it in recently? Or saving towards something? Perhaps they felt it would be too much to ask you to join them?

Mary46 · 18/04/2026 21:06

Yes your being phased out.. op watch your back. I would def say you were hurt about this. Im 50s I feel people are so flaky now

EvieBB · 18/04/2026 21:06

starships · 18/04/2026 19:59

Thank you, I said to them oh looks great, did we miss the invite and they said no they organised it just for themselves

just more hurt as they all cancelled on us last week for something else. 😂

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God that's awful! Sorry op

newornotnew · 18/04/2026 21:05

MutherTrucker · 18/04/2026 20:59

A good response to “no we arranged it just for us this time” might be “that’s interesting because Sarah’s husband thinks you’re a cunt” but then they might realise you’re annoyed.

This would be funny but probably not wise Grin

blankcanvas3 · 18/04/2026 21:05

I’d be gutted, we have a group of couple friends like you and I’d genuinely be really upset if just some of them went away together

catipuss · 18/04/2026 21:04

starships · 18/04/2026 19:59

Thank you, I said to them oh looks great, did we miss the invite and they said no they organised it just for themselves

just more hurt as they all cancelled on us last week for something else. 😂

Show quote history

Sounds like they don't want you in the group any more then.

mn5962 · 18/04/2026 21:03

@starships I would feel hurt too so your feelings are valid. What does your OH think?

I think if the dynamics are that you always meet up as 6 and go away as 6 etc then for them to have done this as a 4 intentionally would sting and I think a little out of order.

I wouldn’t leave it to be honest. Maybe don’t go back today but in the coming days I would have to reach out and say you are hurt by their actions and ask why they left you out. I would also rethink the closeness too…..maybe pull back a little and keep them at arms length.

Thefingerofblame · 18/04/2026 21:03

@starships how well do you and DH actually get on with them? Maybe they don’t like one of you and as you come as a couple neither of you were invited.

ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 18/04/2026 21:02

well, I think we know how @Challenger2A7 · spends their weekends 😂🤣😂🤣.

If they’ve cancelled on you previously, have not invited you this time and are plastering pictures all over social media it’s pretty obvious they’re sending the message that you’re no longer part of the friendship group.

I would take the hint and just back off.

I’m not in favour of blocking people, I just wouldn’t be the first to communicate with them again.

This reminds me a bit of that post where an OP kept making excuses not to see someone and was then annoyed that she didn’t take the hint, so she essentially sent her a nasty message saying that she didn’t want to be her friend.

It sounds here as if they’re trying to hint, albeit not very subtly, that they no longer want you as part of the group.

It’s like school playground behaviour, and I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing you’re hurt.

I also wouldn’t ask them. Reality is you’re never going to get an honest answer, and you’re worth more than to beg for their friendship. They’re not worth it.

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 18/04/2026 21:00

MaggiesShadow · 18/04/2026 20:05

If they've cancelled on you AND booked a trip without you then I would assume they're distancing themselves or cutting you out for some reason.

The problem is that unless they tell you what that reason is, you can't really do anything about it.

I'd be hurt, too, I must say. And while I wouldn't do any dramatic flouncing, I would certainly start to branch out and make plans with other friends. I cannot abide passive aggressiveness or these silly games, and no matter how many excuses people on here try to make, they knew what they were doing and did it on purpose!

This.

MutherTrucker · 18/04/2026 20:59

A good response to “no we arranged it just for us this time” might be “that’s interesting because Sarah’s husband thinks you’re a cunt” but then they might realise you’re annoyed.

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