AIBU to feel hurt our friendship group went away without us?

I'm autistic so I'm oblivious when people are trying to ice me out (well until they have to tell me to me face) and get horribly upset when unintentionally left out. Whatever.

You mention there's some disharmony in the group. That one person really doesn't like another person's spouse? There's that old saying about if they'll disparage others in front of you, they'll do the same behind your back.

In your shoes I might focus more on other friends or doing things as a couple for a while, especially since they recently cancelled on a long planned event you organised recently. Sounds like this friendship group isn't as evenly balanced as you thought.

I hope you're ignoring their holiday snaps!

I would bin them all off. I honestly could not be arsed with this type of shite in my life. Sorry op. Sending love.

When you saw them very recently for dinner did you chat about what you’re doing this weekend, holiday plans etc?

Doing everything as three couples is as claustrophobic as doing everything with one's own spouse. Variety is the spice of life, and we all need different people for different reasons. You don't need to lose these friends, but you probably need a wider circle.

Sorry to say this but for whatever reason the four are becoming closer friends and you're the third optional couple. Cancelling on you and then no invite to this week-end is a big message. It depends on the nature of the relationship as to what you do but as you've reached out and they've batted it back in quite a tough kind of way, I'm actually thinking maybe these friendships were more about good times rather than depth or warmth? I personally wouldn't chase at all now, keep it civil - I'd be focusing on making friends with couples who value you a bit more.

On a personal level I wouldnt want to go away with other couples but this would sit wrong with me. I wouldnt have an issue that only 2 couples went but the fact they have never discussed it or mentioned that just the 2 couples were going away makes me feel thats on purpose that 'its hidden ', and thats what I'd be wondering.
Personally I would say to them your photos looked lovely I'm glad you had a great time, I was just surprised as neither of you had mentioned iit. You dont need to hide it, I understand we can't all go away every time together.

Honestly, I'm flabbergasted by most if the comments on this thread. What are you all, 12 years old? Do you all go around in cosy little cliques? FFS, maybe these prople wanted a change. Maybe they want out of this weird little group. Just book a fabulous holiday on your own, if you're so wealthy!

Do you have different holiday tastes ? I know you said they went somewhere you would love, but some people like to relax when away and others like to use every minute exploring and 'doing stuff' . I think it can be tricky if you just fancy a weekend doing very little and have people in the group who are up and out at the break of dawn or want everyone to go on excursions or exploring ?

They are not your friends.
I don’t care how much fun you have all had together what they have done is awful.
Yes, I get you are all adults but the response to you being left out was appalling.
No true friend would say or do these things

Is there a chance that one of the couples paid for the less well off couple to go and they don’t want to reveal that hence they just went the four of them?

@starshipswhen is your next meetup?
Curious to know because if it was me I would also quietly quit them. Wonder if they would care?

i did this to a friendship group once. They were hurt. However were not willing to accept responsibility. Ultimately it was a case of being the odd couple out as the other three couples shared a common religion and I think there would always have been conflict

Well it’s clear you were excluded. I would be very hurt. There must have been a conversation at some point “Will we say to @starshipsand her DH” and it was a no.

Is there anyone in the other four you are closer to and you could ask them?

I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest the other couples are into swinging…….two’s company, three’s a crowd etc.

They go away together to swap partners, and don’t want the complications of a third party.

Do you think they were having a naughty weekend as 2 couples? 👿🍆🤣

The only explanation I can think of OP is that you said they’ve gone to somewhere you love, and maybe they think that because you’ve gone before you wouldn’t want to go again? That doesn’t explain the secrecy and then all the posting though. Unless they’re trying to say - look OP, we’ve gone to your fave place after you recommended it to us.

If it were just one person not telling then l’d agree, but four people cooperated in saying absolutely nothing about a planned trip. That’s keeping it secret. I agree absolutely that not everyone has to be included in everything, but it seems bizarre that they weren’t open about it before they went, and yet directly shared the photographs with OP and can’t seem to understand how their behaviour may be perceived as off in any way.

I think something else is at play here and l do wonder if maybe the two couples have previously tried to plan just for themselves and OP and her DH have invited themselves along thinking it’s the usual arrangements. It’s an odd dynamic.

All the lovely photos they sent you won't be the full story, there will have been tension too. I know 2 families that went away together on holiday with their kids, we were a little hurt at the time not to be included but looking back it was a blessing in disguise. The 2 families realised quickly they both like very different holidays etc & the friendships fizzled out after the holiday. One couple were heavy drinkers. The other couple weren't. I never fully heard what happened but there was obvious tension afterr

I’d be very hurt tbh and would do a ‘quiet quit’ on this group for self preservation. They have hurt you twice in quick succession.

Agree with this. A holiday for 6 is different from one for 4. It's hard to sightsee en masse. Personally don't mind when a group of friends do something without us.

It only takes a passing bum squeeze OP! Your DH could be the weird groper of the group hiding behind the family first mottos.

I would not be in a friendship group again if you paid me. That’s some primary school shit.

I'd definitely feel hurt, it's an odd situation. You could ask why you were left out or just back away from them. Strange you all spend so much time together & it was never mentioned, then rubbing your face in it by sending photos. You'll find there is one ringleader & the rest just followed

That sounds like such hard work.