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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt our friendship group went away without us?

306 replies

starships · 18/04/2026 19:45

Aibu to be hurt that the rest of our friendship group have gone away for 2 nights?

so friendship group of 3 couples, always all been there for each other, always invited all couples whenever we have arranged anything even if it wasn’t their cup of tea.

today we’ve been inundated by pictures from 2 of the couples who have gone away for an (expensive) city break to somewhere we love doing stuff that we love. Aibu to feel hurt that we were never asked? I’m genuinely shocked by this.. no issues with friendship at all but this has been planned for some time and no one told us..

just feel hurt that no one asked if we would like to come? a just a week ago they cancelled on us after having something booked for a number of months they all pulled out with various excuses.. seen them since with no issues so we’re a bit perplexed!

thanks all- just wondering if I’m being unreasonable to feel hurt or not?

OP posts:
Original poster
starships · 18/04/2026 20:34

Mary46 · 18/04/2026 20:33

God op I would be hurt. I would definitely pull back with friendship efforts... Do you get on with the partners. I meet a group from work. We include everyone for coffee (5 us). Nobody left out

Yeah we all get on SO well- the irony is one of the people really doesn’t get on with someone they have gone away with they just put up with them for their other half. All so strange

OP posts:
Challenger2A7 · 18/04/2026 20:34

Sounds like they went away to wife-swap, or do something they knew you wouldn't like. Be careful.

Mary46 · 18/04/2026 20:33

God op I would be hurt. I would definitely pull back with friendship efforts... Do you get on with the partners. I meet a group from work. We include everyone for coffee (5 us). Nobody left out

ruethewhirl · 18/04/2026 20:32

IWaffleAlot · 18/04/2026 19:59

Yanbu, it’s a small group so one left out isn’t ok. I would have to ask.

Same here. In such a small friendship group, personally I think it's unkind to do this with no reason.

Pinkgin00 · 18/04/2026 20:31

If you have always done things as a group of three couples in the past, then it sounds intentional to leave you out (for whatever reason that is). The reasons could be something as simple as they found a deal for 4 people , but you won't know unless you ask. Just ask them outright if there was a reason you wasnt invited , don't dance around the issue or be passive aggressive , just ask directly.

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 18/04/2026 20:28

odd they never told you then sent you photos.

CheeseAndTomatoSandwichWithMayo · 18/04/2026 20:28

starships · 18/04/2026 20:27

Honestly absolutely nothing and we’ve seen them for dinner since and there were no issues at all, im just perplexed!

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There's something. They haven't told you what it is and they might never tell you, but there's something.

Woodfiresareamazing · 18/04/2026 20:27

starships · 18/04/2026 20:20

Not that I know of- we usually do everything as 3 couples in all honesty

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As you usually do things as 3 couples not 2, and they told you they organised it just for them, I would ask them why you and your DH were not invited.

I would be very hurt in your position.

CheeseAndTomatoSandwichWithMayo · 18/04/2026 20:27

Gosh. That's quite shocking. And they were so blasè when you asked them. I'm afraid to say that I might well consider pulling back from the friendship group

Restlessdreams1994 · 18/04/2026 20:27

It’s not really a “friendship group” as such, just three couples who are friends. If two of those couples wanted to do something together that’s not unreasonable. The secrecy is a bit odd though and makes me think there’s something you’re not being told.

Original poster
starships · 18/04/2026 20:27

OneNewEagle · 18/04/2026 20:20

I’m so sorry. I think they are all no longer not your friends. They have cancelled on plans and now all 4 gone on holiday without you. Their response was also nasty.

Have you noticed anything changing before the cancellation?

Honestly absolutely nothing and we’ve seen them for dinner since and there were no issues at all, im just perplexed!

OP posts:
Original poster
starships · 18/04/2026 20:26

Confuserr · 18/04/2026 20:23

If you think a message like this doesn't make it 100% obvious that you're annoyed I have large doubts about your judgement!

Separately, sorry OP this is a bit crap for you. I wouldn't end the friendship over it but I'd have an eye out for whether things have changed.

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Yeah this is what I’m currently thinking- thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
starships · 18/04/2026 20:25

anon2022anon · 18/04/2026 20:16

When you say inundated with pictures, do you mean that you've seen them on social media, or they've specifically shared them in a group chat with you? As that just seems like rubbing your face in it.

I absolutely think this justifies a conversation when they get back- why they didn't invite you, but also why they kept it a secret.

Unfortunately specifically shared with us, I honestly think they don’t think they have done anything wrong that’s why I’m so perplexed by it all

OP posts:
SALaw · 18/04/2026 20:25

Weirdest bit is they sent you the photos!

redskyAtNigh · 18/04/2026 20:23

This is basically a group of 3 though - it's perfectly ok for 2 people (or couples as it is in this case) to do things together without the 3rd. Do you never do anything with just you and one other couple?

Confuserr · 18/04/2026 20:23

Hadenough32 · 18/04/2026 19:49

You'll have to just ask them. I'd say;

aww lovely pics, did we accidentally miss the invite or was this just for you 4? Enjoy xx

Along those lines then it doesn't look like you're annoyed but gives them a chance to explain

If you think a message like this doesn't make it 100% obvious that you're annoyed I have large doubts about your judgement!

Separately, sorry OP this is a bit crap for you. I wouldn't end the friendship over it but I'd have an eye out for whether things have changed.

RampantIvy · 18/04/2026 20:23

SimonWigglesBaratoneVoice · 18/04/2026 19:50

You can't help feeling hurt, but they haven't done anything wrong either.

It's totally fine for them to want to spend time together and not want to do everything as 3 couples.

And to rub their friends' face in it by posting pictures on social media?

newornotnew · 18/04/2026 20:21

starships · 18/04/2026 20:17

Yeah- many many times

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This makes it very strange, and strange they didn't say.

cannynotsay · 18/04/2026 20:20

Just ask them, damage is done anyway

OneNewEagle · 18/04/2026 20:20

I’m so sorry. I think they are all no longer not your friends. They have cancelled on plans and now all 4 gone on holiday without you. Their response was also nasty.

Have you noticed anything changing before the cancellation?

Original poster
starships · 18/04/2026 20:20

Moonnstarz · 18/04/2026 20:18

Yeah I would find this rude. Has there been any other occasions you know of where it has just been the other two couples, or have you done something before with just one couple?

Not that I know of- we usually do everything as 3 couples in all honesty

OP posts:
Original poster
starships · 18/04/2026 20:19

Lablonde · 18/04/2026 20:02

Do you think they maybe cancelled seeing you recently as they realised they wouldn't be able to avoid telling you about their upcoming trip?

I don’t think so- we’ve seen them all since so not sure

OP posts:
MyLimeGuide · 18/04/2026 20:19

What a bunch of tossers.

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 18/04/2026 20:19

You said they went somewhere you love, is it a place where you've been before and they haven't? Maybe they just assumed you wouldn't be interested in going again. They're still rude though!

Bombayss · 18/04/2026 20:19

Very nasty reply to your legitimate question.
Not the response of friends.
Very hurtful.
I'm so sorry.