AIBU to feel hurt our friendship group went away without us?

Has there been any update, op?

Have you seen them again since this happened @starships?

What happened OP?

I am someone who places a lot of importance on friendships (usually more than others) so I can be hurt easily by actions like this. I totally understand your feelings and I would feel hurt too, not by the trip it self per se, but the secrecy surrounding it. All a bit suss.

I think I would just pull back a bit, let the dust settle and see if carrying on with the friendships was something I could do without that weight of suspicion or hurt getting in the way. If I couldn't then I would know I needed to move on. I certainly wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing how hurt I was unless pressed specifically about it.

I would also organise a trip somewhere that I know they would love to go or to do, like a festival or something similar, go only with DH and post photos. Show them that you are good on your own and you don't need them to have fun in your life. It is sort of game playing but I think it is something that you might do regardless of the current situation so not overtly game-playing. For me I'd do it just to give myself a feeling of independence from the group and the strength to move on from it.

I be hurt too. Group dynamics can be weird. Op if Im hurt I match their energy. Its not nice though.

Great post @MaggiesShadow
I’d be very hurt too @starships

I don't blame you for being hurt. It is very unkind tbf. Are you particularly close to one person in that group? Could you perhaps ask her / him ? It is all very odd, especially if they sent photos to the WhatsApp group

I'd reply asking ' was there any reason we weren't invited? Seems odd they didn't let you know about the trip if you usually all go together.

OP later said they were sent directly (assume in a group chat?) so I think you're right!

Yes that thought occured to me. Also, were the photos specifically sent to the OP, or did she come across them via social media? Seems weird to send pics of the jolly good time they’ve been having without her, considering this will be the first she’s heard of it. Possibly done in the spirit of ‘quick, act normal.’ Of course, even thinking this makes me a weirdo 🤣

Out of interest, who shared the photos? As I expect that couple arranged this.

Did you all meet at the same time, did the other two couples meet first, are the women closer to each other than they are to you?
Perhaps they have always done some things as a four.
Other than it being a shock to see the photos I don’t think it’s a reason to end a friendship.

This sounds toxic to me esp the one person that doesn’t like the another - and they specifically sent you photos - that is such a pisstake.
idk if I could carry on the friendship - id certainly be saying you were upset etc. if you’re all that close you should be totally honest.

Very unkind reply to your question. Personally I would be giving them a wide berth in future and start making new friends ....... and yes I would feel extremely hurt

I would reach out and act normal again if you want to stay friends. That message you sent clearly shows you’re annoyed, so they may be nervous about reaching out if it’s awkward!

I would also be hurt. But if they are otherwise lovely friends and you have other trips and events booked with them I would just accept they wanted a 4 person trip for this one and not to read too much into it. Certainly would not raze my place in a nice group over it. Baby and bath water etc.

You often get posters demanding blood loyalty from adult friends who will advise stomping off into the sunset and leaving the group. I wonder if these are the same ones that bemoan that they have no friends …

Time to find new travel friends.

If they are so close,why keep it a secret?It is not difficult at all to organize a city vreak fir 6 peiple.
She has every right to be burt and annoyed. They were unkind and thoughtless.I would ask one of them why.

I’d be hurt and puzzled if this happened to me and I’d want to know why. Is there one of the other 4 that you feel you can speak to honestly and who would be frank with you about the situation? If so then a 1:1 with him or her might help.

If you’re all booked up to going away later in the year it sounds like you’re still planning to go with them OP?

If you all get on so well - could you not raise it the next time you see them? Not to get their reason why they did it but to say it was a disappointing surprise to see they’d gone together without you. And their implication by sending the photos and openly saying they’d planned to go away just the 4 of them was also a surprise as this isn’t something this group does? Or is it? If they say well yes we do meet up independently but it’s all fine isn’t it bcos we’re all ok with that aren’t we?
I do think you need to say well that’s the first I’ve ever heard of it. And ofc that’s fine - just that we were never informed of it. So we feel a little stupid now. What stopped you from filling us in if it’s all so out in the open? And then I’d be stepping back completely.

I think I would have to ask, like this, as the first question then the other. There is no way I would be all "Ok, hope you had fun! Xxxx" if they said everything was fine, because it isn't.

In that case if it was me I’d try not to give it too much thought, maybe they just said to themselves we must do something as a four for a change and then felt embarrassed to mention it.

Maybe they got a free trip somehow and it was only for 4 adults? The secrecy is weird though, you’d imagine an upcoming trip would be brought up.