To get irritated when women constantly reference their partner or kids in conversations?

Was playing sport one day and a junior boy joined our group with his mother in tow as a spectator. I introduced myself to her by name and she replied "I'm Tim's mum".

Like PPs have said I have someone at my work that directs every single conversation back to her daughter and I’ve heard it all since conception to the teen years. I was sitting near her in the office last week and kept my head down and gaze averted so she didn’t catch my eye and start telling me all about her daughter again just as I’m just trying to push through the workday.

I agree that it is annoying when it is their main topic of conversation and they go on and on about their home life.

I have zero interest in hearing what their kids do at schools every day for example or how exceptional their children are. It is just boring...

I might prefer to hear the dogs opinion on geopolitics than my friends husband tbf 😂

I don’t have any friends who do this in relation to their husband or children but Ido have a couple who endlessly mention their dogs. I like dogs (and their dogs are particularly nice) but it does sometimes get to the point where you are either sitting there politely waiting for her to talk about something else or repeatedly steering the conversation away from the dog.

I’m with you. People who tell you their husbands opinions drive me wild. If I want to know what he thinks about something, I’ll ask him - as it is I’m asking you, so let’s have your thoughts 😭

obviously not people talking about husband/kids in general (for me) but more specifically the ones that have no opinions of their own. See also people that can’t attend an event of any sort without their partner 😂

Can you explain a bit more?

It's quite unusual for someone to say 'you wouldn't understand because you don't have kids' - what were you discussing?

I’ve got a friend like this. Her whole identity seems to revolve around her husband and children. It’s like she sees it as an achievement to have found someone to marry and have children with, and she likes to hammer it home as if to say ‘Look, I’m married!’ etc.

In her case, I think it’s because she’s got low self esteem and doesn’t have much else going on in her life or many achievements to speak of besides that. She is a nice person but never speaks of much besides her family and it gets very tedious, so I know what you mean, OP.

‘Hubby’ 🤢

I disagree sorry. If you're asked if you like or play sports and your "experience of sports is through your child" then the answer is no I don't play sports. If you haven't read a book and you only know it because someone else read it you're not going to have an opinion on it so just say no. It's not the same as saying "yes I loved that book, I read after my son recommended it to me" which is fine. If someone hasn't asked what hobbies, books, foods someone they've never met likes then you're answering a question you weren't asked. I don't think women that do this have no personality of their own but they're keeping it very hidden if they revert all discussion to the personalities of their husband or kids.

I had a colleague like that. Absolutely no idea what her likes, dislikes and interest were. It was either DH or DC. Even if you actually asked her directly "what movies do you like?" she would say something like "DH likes x". Met many similar. It's sad and infuriating at the same time imho.

People have own personality, likes and dislikes, but all that somehow disapears for some women. I am married, no DC, but I still answer "I do/don't" to these questions. Obviously because the person asking was asking me about me. If they wanted to know about DH they would ask...
Never seems to happen with men in my experience....

I have a very similar colleague! She was very keen on being friends, wanting to grab a coffee etc but I was finding it boring being unable to get to know her. I don't want to grab a coffee and spend the whole time hearing about your child who isn't here. Having said that, I think lots of women are sadly just used to being decentred with relatives etc just asking after the kids and not them. After a couple of times or me interjecting to say "right, but I ask how you are though" she's got better with it.

I don't see anything wrong with what your colleague is saying. Her experience of sport is through her children (as is mine) and she knows one flew over the cuckoo 's nest because her son studied it. I was also introduced to many subjects and interests through things my children studied.
I'm retired and now my grandchildren are now introducing me to new experiences and subjects.
I have never felt I don't have a personality or identity of my own.

Huge difference between your two statements, I talk about dh because we live together so most things happen to both of us, if I lived with my mum I’d say ‘my mum says’. The other statement is just someone being ridiculous although it’s true, there’s things you don’t know because you don’t have kids in the same way there’s things you know that they won’t/ haven’t experienced!!

Don't most people do that?
I don't see the issue. Partners and children are a huge part of people's lives and people tend to talk about what matters to them.

I have a a colleague I’ve worked with for over six months now and I know virtually nothing about said colleague and everything about her DC. Any question asked is answered in relation to them: I ask “do you do any sports?” And she’ll reply “I watch my son’s football practice, he plays in goalkeeper, he’s getting really good, and my daughter has just started gymnastics and is really enjoying it.” Or I’ll say “I went to see One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest at the Old Vic, it was an interesting interpretation, I recommend it if you like theatre” and she’ll respond “I think that’s on the reading list at my son’s school, he wasn’t much of a reader when he was younger but now he’s picking more books up, which I’m pleased about.” I know their favourite foods because if I offer her a snack she’ll tell me, though I still have no idea whether she likes anything in particular.

She’s never been dismissive or made remarks about people without children not understanding etc as OP refers to; but I definitely get the impression that she thinks it’s quite strange that I don’t have and don’t want children - presumably because it seems like her entire life revolves around hers. She seems happy enough, but I do wonder whether she’ll realise at some point that she deserves an identity of her own.

Does that someone not have their own perspective to share rather than their husbands though ? I think that's PPs point and peopl who do it don't realise how weird it sounds.

Yes

It is when they're not there though which is what I think PP is referencing. I don't know why is share my DH preference on anything to someone who doesn't know him /never met him.

It sounds like a you problem. I don't think anyone is thinking your perspective doesn't count because it's different to someone's husbands perspective. They may think someone's perspective about children doesn't count if they don't have children, which is valid (unless you are a professional in that area). People can't really understand parenting unless they have done it. It's like saying a straight/white/man's perspective on a gay/black/woman's life is as valid as those who share the characteristic.

It would be less irritating for you if people spoke anvoiding any reference to people that are integral to the fabric of their lives? Hmmm…. Seems reasonable enough. Or, wait…. is it actually a bit of a you problem? Possibly?

I think it depends on the conversation, sometimes it's perfectly normal to reference husband or kids as they're part of your life. However I can't stand asking a woman her preference, her opinion, or now she's doing and the automatic answer starts with "well child A is.." or "My DH likes.." I think it's sad they've centred others so much in their lives that they automatically resort to them when I very much doubt their DH answers with how is wife is doing when someone asks how he is.