to wonder why some women push childcare onto other women when their own partner will not step up?

My DD wanted two children. She didn't want different dads, or a blended family. He wanted a boy, so my DD had a second, tbh, it gave her the strength to end the relationship. He parents ok, as a very part time Dad, with no actual responsibility. She, or we don't need him to be anything else. The children aren't suffering. They have a much better life than the majority of the children from two parent households, in their classes. Perhaps stop putting women down that you seem to know nothing about? Do the women who are nearly 40 having babies to near 50 year olds, think about SN/disabilities and their own joint aging? From these threads they don't and being middle class doesn't make the risks any less. Nor do the ones who have one child and then have a blended family, unmarried and without their partner adopting their eldest. You can't force someone to step up, so you ask for help. But tbf, it's why I didn't understand the hatred for Amanda on Motherland and not Julia, who was happy to put her Mother in a early grave over childcare.

Certainly not all men. We had three, and sometimes I had to go away with work for a night or two when they were young ie 2,4,6. DH looked after them with no family support and survived. What I did see was the difference in parenting styles though. When I had them I would play with them some of the time but also encourage them get on with things themselves while I did other things around the house but keeping an eye on them. When DH looked after them he was full time child entertainment officer/playmate. The kids loved it, he was exhausted. 🤣 Multi tasking is not one of his strong points, but at least he focused in the important task!

I would absolutely threaten him with divorce. THEN how would he manage?

Internalised misogyny. It isn’t a man’s “job” and the bar is so low for the vast majority of men that they’re excused by their wives and mothers.

I think it’s actually the feckless dads pushing childcare onto women.

I don't think this is actually true. The more educated women are, the less children they have and the birth rate is going down. I think women have never been pickier but the pool of men is still the same and some lie, or change after the baby is born. Not to say, thee are no women actively picking losers - some do as always has been and always will be.

Literally couldn’t put it any better. Could never be my life! Most women are just pushovers, that desperate for a baby they’ll have one with any tom, dick or Harry! My husband parents his child, just like I do. It’s that simple.

Yes, exactly so then they shouldn't be more concerned about their child having a sibling than the fact their own partner is a useless piece of crap

I always found it odd that if I was away for the weekend, my mum and MIL would always say “oh tell DH we’re here if he needs us”

when he went away (far more frequently). Tumbleweed. Crickets. Nada.

I mean of course they’d have helped if I asked, but the offer was always actively put forward when the shoe was on the other foot

There seem to be a few threads recently from people tired of being expected to do childcare (grandmothers mainly and one from a friend, I've seen). It looks like women are tired.

What I think is that even in this day and age there are too many men not willing to do their fair share of parenting; some lie, some change, some were never willing to do it from the beginning. I actually think less women are settling for unsatisfactory men hence the birth rate is down. I think more men will step up or be left behind especially if more women pull back their time, energy and resources from filling in from them.

Men want children. They benefit from having a family and they love to talk about them. And they can get away with not doing any of the work cause women in general crack first and will not neglect their children.

And having a useless father is beneficial to the child how?

Like other have said, the dad won't step up. Or if they do, they will require something in return. The option is to do it alone or recruit people around you which tend to be women.

Why they had children with losers is another question and the answer can be quite complicated.

I suppose it depends - a) like @caretoshare says, don't have more children with them, for a start, b) if the other parent is a danger to the child(ren), take whatever legal steps are needed.

OMFG yes, this is my sister in law all over (well BIL's wife). BIL is completely useless, tiny kids running round doing massively unsafe things (youngest nearly dragged a flat screen TV down on her own head a PILs recently). He just sat there while I leapt up and stopped his child being crushed to death.

I snapped at him to parent his own child and said she could have literally died if it had fallen on her. Got death stare and frosty silence from SIL and MIL after that at the mere suggestion it wasn't my job to monitor his kids while he lounged on the sofa 🙄

They won't be risking their lives, body, mental health, career or lifestyle by having a kid. They get to have unprotected sex, zero risks, and if they do less than the bare minimum as a parent society will applaud them for being 'amazing' or 'hands on'.

They can discard their wife/girlfriend, be a deadbeat and another woman will happily date them.

The men who actually want a kid want one like a child wants a puppy.

I'm afraid this might be the core reason.
❤️
I do despise men, though.

I genuinely do not understand why men have kids they don’t want and don’t want to be involved with in any active sense. I mean, why? Wouldn’t life be easier to just, not?

I genuinely do not understand why someone would stay married to someone who they thought couldn’t keep their own child safe. Surely that’s an immediate deal breaker?

I know a family exactly like this. Both parents in good, full time jobs. Children age 12 and 9. Dad does not do any childcare. He moans about being left with the 12 year old on a Saturday morning when the younger one is at sport.

Mum works in a school and if the children have an inset day when she’s working Nan has to cancel her plans to care for them as Dad won’t take annual leave. He works for the NHS and has lied to his family saying he can’t get carers leave so won’t take a day off when they’re poorly (I work for the same organisation and this is a lie- I have told them this).

Basically Nan picks up all the slack, school runs, holiday care, everything if mum isn’t available. Dad will go with mum to parents evening (with nan having the kids) and then proudly tell everyone how involved he is.

Because some women actively choose to breed with losers 😩

Yep, there's very rarely one child in the family despite how shit some of the fathers are.