Friend brainwashing child into 'mental illness'

I wouldn't worry much about any influence on your daughter at this age. Parents and school teachers are the overriding influencers in her life, and if you see her using being triggered as an excuse not to eat her veg then you can put her on the right course.

I do wonder though if the child's behaviour is sufficiently worrying to report to the school?

Tbf she's not the only one who's learned the superpower of the summoning of the Trigger.

It seems to be becoming the norm. Nobody ever just doesn't like something. They're triggered by it.

Its manipulative.

And insulting to actual traumatised people

There’s been no formal diagnosis, so quotation marks are perfectly legitimate.

If you told me you had cancer but had never seen a doctor, I’d be within rights to say you have “cancer” too - because I’m quoting you knowing there is no medical or scientific evidence to back it up.

@Jollyjupiter

This thread... 🫠

Look your priority is your child (rightly)

Theres no way I'd be exposing my kids to this at 6. I wouldnt love it at 16.

Stop all playdates and all sleepovers and honestly end the friendship with the mother.

I say this as someone who has had various mental health challenges particularly post birth so I'm not in denail mental health struggles are real but this mess isnt something I'd involve my children in

There’s probably a DLA claim in process. I’d just keep my daughter away from it.

There is a high threshold to reach before a child is removed. When it happens it is because there is a real genuine risk to the child - as a civilised society we should 100% support that intervention when appropriate.

It is incorrect to say SS wont offer support. That is precisely what they are there for. If they took every child into care just because a parent had MH issues there would be uproar and the country would be bankrupt in 2 days. That is a last resort.

However I do agree that a report to SS may be unnecessary here and a bit extreme.

I think it would be vile to put a friend over a child who is being damaged by said friend. The child should be the priority here.

Yanbu to distance yourself completely op.

On a smaller scale but my dd had something similar where a friend at school (5 years old!) started telling dd is was best "not to eat all the meat on your plate just the salad" because "it's good to be on a diet".

Both dd and the classmate are the slim side of average. The classmate's mum is the one who is slightly overweight but on a perpetual diet and mentions it in front of the kids including mine. I disapprove so vehemently of getting young healthy children into diet culture.

I told dd they were unhealthy ideas and to ignore them.

This isn't very "be kind" but this could work in your case too op - when dd asked me if it was "a good idea to be on a diet" I asked her to compare my body and friend's mum's, which is healthier? Is the dieting working for her? No. So that's why we take my advice on eating not hers. Eat the healthy meal you're served at school, more main meal rather than pudding, stop when you're full, end of.

I'd do the same, op. Who is more grounded/calm/sensible, me or your friend's mum? Right, so that's why we ignore the stuff friend's mum says about emotions etc.

Why is calling social services a vile thing to do?! The child is clearly being affected by her mother's MH issues, so why would you NOT put the child's welfare first?!?!?

NOT calling social services when a child's well-being is at stake is vile.

One of my best friends has MH issues and health anxiety, and this is clearly also impacting her children. Social services are involved to make sure the family and kids get sufficient support.

Why do people assume social services is a bad thing?! They are there to help and work WITH the family to support them.

OP really isn’t demeaning her. OP is smart enough to shield her 6-year old child from a life long behaviour you don’t really don’t want them to learn. Tbh SS should be involved.

Do NOT call social services OP! That would be a vile thing to do to your friend. Risk her having her child taken away from her because she needs a bit of support? (Which btw SS will not provide her) Who the fuck does that?! I agree I wouldn’t want my child around that language either. I’d speak to the mum and tell her how it could affect your dd and perhaps, depending on your relationship and how you think she’d take it, suggest it’s damaging to her own daughter too and ask her how you could support her as her friend

Oh I don't disagree that the child needs help and support. Hence, why I would never be so cold to shun a child who is clearly in a bad way.

Kids copy behaviour yes. That's not contagious. Kids decide what football team they like or pop stars based on their friends. That's normal.

IF OPs child starts to talk about these things then I'm sure OP is more than capable of explaining to her what anxiety is. There are plenty of books to deal with worries etc.

She's going to come across this stuff at some point as young people are very aware of mental health and triggers. They will all know about it the same way we knew about flu and chickenpox. It's not a bad thing.

Yanbu to put your dd first. If dd brings up being anxious explain that life has events where it’s normal to worry. You probably have lots of stories like a new school, new area etc and how things gel into place because you were strong and brave. Change can be better but understandable if you feel scared beforehand. You are there to offer support and hugs when the changes come

@GingerBeverage @Happytaytos OPs daughter isn't going to suddenly develop an anxiety disorder by association.

Yes worse case she might pick up on some of the language. She might also pick up on swearing or that Santa isn't real in the playground. You can't go around wrapping your child in cotton wool.

It's much more important to teach her daughter to be kind and understanding. Shunning another child for using the word anxiety is NOT kind. It is very nasty and immature behaviour. Acting like another child has a contagious illness because they have a 'mental illness' is pathetic behaviour by the OP.

One day OP might need support and how would she feel if everyone ran away because it might be catching.

MH is emotionally contagious, anyone remember the 90s and anorexia? You barely hear about it in teens now. Instead you see anxiety and language like the OP says.

I'd either cool the relationship or I'd say things like "the way to overcome anxiety is to do the thing your anxious about, and train your brain that it's OK".

But psychological contagion is well documented? (and noted as more common in women)

Actually you're wrong - mental health IS contagious,

It may not be biologically contagious, but it is socially and emotionally contagious - the behaviours of the mother are being copied by the 6 year old daughter, which can then be copied by friends, so the OP is correct to be concerned.

It's a well known fact that children mimic their parents behaviour. If they're treated with aggression, they often behave like that with peers, if a parent has an irrational fear of something, it's common their child will too, and if a parent uses specific vocabulary paired with an action, that can also be copied e.g. the parent getting panicked by something and commenting that it has "triggered them".

@Jollyjupiter has nothing to be ashamed of, and should be reporting the welfare of the child. This parent clearly needs help.

MH issues are absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, but when it starts profoundly impacting a child, it becomes a form of child abuse and child protection services need to step in.

I wouldn't report her to anyone as some have suggested.
But I have to say I have become very intolerant of people who don't seek medical help.

It's 2026 and we still have people putting quotation marks around mental health...

OP you've clearly never experienced poor mental health. Hopefully you never will. I can tell you it's utterly horrendous to go through.

The fact that you call this woman a friend and then speak of her like that is awful.

Poor mental health isn't contagious, your daughter isn't going to catch it.

Theres another child there that likely needs some help and a role model and the first thing you do is cut her off from her friend.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Your friend does sound a bit irritating but on the other hand mental health problems need to be taken seriously. Why is your friend not seeking out help?

I wouldn’t exclude a little girl because she is using words like ‘anxiety’ and ‘triggering’. It is not her fault that she is picking that up at home. In the unlikely event that your daughter starts using these words, just talk to her about it. If the little girl is with you, you can always say something like “even if you find x difficult, give it a try it or ask for help. You’ll be pleased with yourself.”

This is nothing to do with the OP’s view against MH and everything to do with the view that the friend isn’t appropriately ahielding and protecting her child from the ill effects this has on them. 6 year olds shouldn’t be expressing using feelings like anxiety and triggering. It’s not appropriate. And before you harp up, I’ve got schizophrenia (diagnosed at 25) and am a cbt trained occupational therapist and mum of two - I work incredibly hard so that my children are not impacted by mental health even when it’s spectacularly awful

letting your own MH condition onto your young children is a safeguarding issue.

Quite a few children have heard (pseudo) psychology language, it has entered general parlance to an extent (words like ‘trigger’ being used by ordinary people outside of a therapist’s office). So some children do just use it to get away with being rude/not doing work at school/as an excuse for poor behaviour etc.

If OP doesn’t like it, then she doesn’t have to do it which I acknowledged.

If the other parent doesn’t like it, well she can choose whose care she leaves her DD in, and frankly if we’re putting the best interests of the child first then it is only good to see a range of ways to deal with emotions. Saying vegetables are triggering and everyone accepting this means she doesn’t eat vegetables is not a healthy mindset for a child.

Some parents might not like this quasi-parenting?