Friend brainwashing child into 'mental illness'

Does your friend work or on benefits?

I'd definitely try and reduce any contacts. There is absolutely no need for your child to be exposed to this sh.t. That poor girl is having her future destroyed but there is little you can do about it.

I have had friends with severe munchausens-by-proxy (which is essentially what this is) and it's fucked the kids up so severely and gave them learned helplessness and made them completely unsocialised and socially outcasted.

Avoid, you don't need this shit in you or your DCs life. This woman is a sinkhole of victimhood, dysfunction and you do not need to associate with her.

Your friend is probably also using her child for emotional support which is inappropriate and parentification.

Just end the friendship. The talk of MH is not going to improve is it?

@Jollyjupiter I wouldn't like this either but stopping playdates and sleepovers doesn't actually deal with the problem and is punishing your friend's child for her mum's behaviour. I suspect this problem affects lots of children and you can't prevent your child from ever coming into contact with children demonstrating this behaviour at school. Have the guts to explain your concerns to your friend with sensitivity. If her response suggests she is denial, at least you can say you tried to help the child and parent in question.

This

Of course you can't. But you can limit them hearing them outside of adult input. Hence no play dates at the friends house so the OP can counter the narrative.

As I said already, kids pick up on tonnes of things in school. We live in a country with lots of inequality and mental health illnesses are left untreated. You can't stop kids hearing things you wouldn't tell them.

Which reminds me of OPs comment about how the mum doesn't do anything about her mental health. Perhaps OP doesn't realise the waiting list for therapy and support on the NHS is several years long.

Same. Non-existent food intolerances were also passed on/assigned.
The family was so messed up in the end.
I always saw it as a form of munchausen by proxy.

This reads like another one of the many goady daily heil inspired threads that mumsnet is replete with of late

It won't be long until OPs child picks up on it.

However I personally would go with "if things make us anxious, in this house we do them anyway to train our brain not to be worried", or a variant of that. I would limit my child going to the friends house, but welcome the friend to mine. OP needs to be in control of the narrative her child gets.

That's the other mums child not OPs child.

You are confusing two things. We all agree the other mums daughter is not in a good situation. The question is whether the response should be for OP to cut off the 6 y/o girl from her child because it's 'contagious'.

It blows my mind how people STILL have no understanding or compassion of mental illness.

No. Your job is to protect your child. How can it be positive for her to be hearing this language and learning about these concepts at 6? Also if your friend has anxiety and trauma bonding, is she the kind of sensible, down-to-earth, reliable person who will know what to do in a crisis that you want in charge of your child at a sleepover?

Not the same but my daughter was friends with a lovely girl aged 6 who taught her the c-word! We also stopped play dates - what on earth was going on at home that the child (no teenage siblings) knew this? Certainly nothing I wanted my child to be party to.

What a surprise! 🙄

She's already picking up on the anxiety by association. She's using words she doesn't really understand to explain feelings she isn't really feeling. That needs to be stopped.

Id not stop the friendship but I would give short shrift to any such nonsense in my hearing.

I know someone exactly like this.

Mum has a whole host of issues which she was determined her child would also have. She projected her anxiety onto this poor kid.

Social services have since become involved for a variety of reasons.

Yes it is concerning and it will only get worse. It's totally projection from parents. Kids don't understand this without being taught at age 6.

Several other parents have tried to distance their daughters over the years.

YANBU - I don’t care how it comes across when it involves my children. I will be stopping all play dates all sleepovers and most definitely be encouraging my child to play/find other friends. I would distance myself and my children so they do not learn these behaviours themselves. I’m sorry but at 6 this is a learned behaviour and language that I will absolutely not expose my children to. Had to do it ourselves when my then 13 year old said one of her friends had anxiety and was self harming. I made the school aware and told my child to be with other friends. Felt like a crappy friend thing to do but now she is older and wiser she is so happy I pushed her in that direction. As mothers our priority foremost are our children. No apologies.

I’d have my child no where near, sadly. My DD is 5. Young and impressionable

From someone who has a long history of m/h. I'd speak to the school explain what has happened and explain mum has m/h and are not sure/able to help, I wouldn't limit contact between the children, I'd remodel behaviour and be there, be someone she can trust. Honestly knowing my kids had friends who were there for them was a help to them and me

I’ll preface this by saying I’m kind of mean, but if I notice a child who has behaviours like this I cut play dates and sleep overs. Also encourage my kids to find other friends. At that age they’re so easily influenced it’s not worth it. I don’t do it for kids who are a bit naughty or cheeky, but kids who do things like what you’ve described are a hard no. I’ve only done it twice (one was food related and one was anxiety related) and it does suck, but I’m not dealing with that. Prioritise your child.

I took my teenage daughters tiktok away because she was stuck in the mh algorithm and diagnosing herself with allsorts and copying behaviours. So I absolutely would end a 6 year olds friendship for this. It starts as just words that your daughter will end up copying then it will move to self harm and avoidance and self diagnosing.

I completely disagree with you. There is so much social contagion now around 'anxiety' and we need to stop framing normal feelings as 'anxiety' we need to normalise to children that a few worries and wobbles here and there are normal and no you won't always feel comfortable this is normal life

Far too many people have got bogged down in 'anxiety' and aren't managing to work and it's a huge problem in the UK now

6 year olds do not have to become attuned to supporting mental ill health in either adults, or children who live with adults suffering it. It is not a young child’s role to do this. Suggesting a girl (and I wonder if a boy would be under such pressure) needs to learn to do this because to do otherwise is keeping them in cotton wool is manipulative.

I couldn’t have put it better myself!!

Theres a child in my daughters class with a mother like this and we’ve all had to speak to school about some of the stuff this girl says to the other girls in the class as it’s not really appropriate- words like triggering and all sorts of other stuff and I know for a fact that one mum did call social services because of some of the stuff the girl disclosed at her house on a play date.

Its not acceptable for kids to have to deal with this mental load at that age and if the mother isn’t doing anything about it then I absolutely would.

Yeah give her a miss