Friend brainwashing child into 'mental illness'

I would do the same OP. I dont want my daughter exposed to all that anxiety crap so young! The kids just using it to get her own way and there is nothing wrong with her, shes 6!
I wouldn't want my child hearing words they shouldnt even understand at that age.
Poor kid is a future PIP claimer in the making for her 'anxiety'.

If the girls go to the same school, I’d contact the Safeguarding Lead and report your fears for this child. The school will know what to do.

In the meantime, perhaps parents back playdates etc, but don’t cut her off completely. Be kind without overburdening your own DD.

Oh for goodness sake she doesn't sound horrible at all, just concerned about her daughter.

You called the OP ‘horrible’ based on her initial post alone. I am not sure you are modelling ‘kind’ behaviour at all. You have not even tried to look it at the situation from the OP’s point of view or understood her concerns for her daughter. So much for empathy, hey.

It’s not irrelevant that the mother hasn’t got help. Her failure to do so doesn’t bode well for the future.

OP I’d speak to the DSL at school but I’d also limit play dates and scrap sleepovers.

And tell your friend exactly why.

I agree. I already work FT and have to parent my own child, I wouldn’t be taking on board someone else’s child education too.

@Jollyjupiter I wouldn’t ditch the child entirely but I’d definitely limit sleepovers and probably would rather have all play dates at my house.

I grew up with an undiagnosed (at the time) MI mother and it was very, very difficult, but ultimately it’s not your burden to take on. Sometimes I could pick up on friends’ parents being a bit off and I didn’t really understand why, but i definitely do understand now as an adult.

It’s quite revealing isn’t it, how quickly some people realise they can use anxiety to manipulate a situation.

I have suffered from crippling anxiety in my life and the only way to get through it was to work very hard on playing it down and overcoming it. CBT helped. I would never have intentionally used it to get my own way, I was terrified of it. I was terrified of what it would stop me from doing and from when a panic attack would come on. It took me ten years to get over it.

If you tell yourself you’re anxious you become anxious, and that’s what this child will do. it will become extremely difficult to outgrow this habit because you need a mindset shift to do so and she’s not exposed to people who model that.

I personally have seen it among DDs friends too and it leads to highly manipulative behaviour in friendships. DD knows that I have actively moved her away from friends with anxiety because they more often than not project it onto her through possessive behaviour either of her, or of others … meaning they leave her out.

Your DD can still be around her but I would actively look for other activities through which to foster stable friendships and positive experiences. I do hope the girl gets what she needs as this could honestly become a blight on the rest of her life. As for the friend, again you need to see her doing something positive about it. If you don’t, perhaps worth considering whether it’s time for you to gently move away too.

Change is hard, the world is tough at times and kids need to learn to be resilient so you are not being unreasonable to limit exposure to your daughter

Let's hope you aren't one of the 50% of the population who struggle with their mental health at some point in life.

Or perhaps more importantly, your child doesn't have a mother who is.

Sorry have you met this woman?

All I read from this is that when you were 8 you needed kindness, a role model adult and breaks away from your family. You needed help.

Yet here is a 6 y/o in the same situation and you don't think she deserves the same?

You totally miss my point. Of course living with someone with Dementia is draining. As is cancer. As is person recovering from a severe stroke. Do you go round publically bashing them? Do you cut people off because they are unwell? Do you expect them to get better in a vacuum without support or help?

Half the worlds population will struggle with their mental health at some point in their life.
Thats not a conspiracy. Thats something deserving of kindness.

Not everyone has £75 a week. Go and read the cost of living threads if you don't believe that. But it's irrelevant why the mum hasn't got help (or if OP really knows the reality). This is about the daughter.

I'd be distancing my child from her and her mother. Its about protecting her from negative influence, which this is.

I feel sorry for her daughter though. It's a form of child abuse to instil such thoughts into her head at such a young age.

This woman does not have "extreme" mental health issues.

Dealing with a loved one or close friend with dementia is extremely draining and it's completely OK to acknowledge that.

Your barking at everyone "educate yourself!" just reminds me of all the conspiracy nutters during COVID - it really doesn't help your cause.

My wonderful mother was bipolar and sectioned many times from when I was 8. There were several incidents of police involvement due to extreme manic episodes.

I lived with "trauma" from those early experiences and did get "triggered" by things as an adult, but those are words kept between me and my psychotherapist.

I have never had a lot of money, but I paid £75 a session for EMDR and threw myself into it. It was life changing.

I am a very empathetic person, sometimes too much so, so I can't carry the burden of someone else's misery if all they do is wallow for years on end.

I have a few friends with mental health issues and I've seen them get help (which IS available) and work to overcome them, with varying degrees of success. I will always be there for them.

One friend, however, sounds like @Jollyjupiter's and has spent decades wallowing in her anxiety and I have to limit the time I spend with her. She throws hundreds of pounds at gadgets and snake oils but thinks GPs and Therapy are for idiots. She can be very draining.

Don't tell me to educate myself, and if you want to know what happened to #bekind, it disappeared up its own arse, closely followed by anyone who can't cope with reality.

That shame can keep on flying right on by me.

Op’s friend has never sought treatment for her issues, yet instead expects those around her to pander to them. Now her child is exhibiting those same behaviors.

OP has zero responsibility for these people, moral or otherwise.

Would you talk about dementia that way?

'Dementia may not be their fault, but it is their responsibility.'

The brain can become sick the same way you can break a leg. Once the brain is unwell it can be extremely hard to get help.

It is not easy to recover from a mental illness. No easier than it would be to rid yourself of long covid or chronic pain. Even once you find the strength to seek help there is no magic cure. The path to recovery is very long and involves steps forward and back.

You aren't obliged to be around behaviour you don't like. However, to see a 6 year old living in challenging and difficult conditions, and to react by shunning them is remarkably heartless.

And for you a stranger who knows nothing about this person and what they've gone through to encourage further suffering for a 6 year old child? Shame on you.

No wonder why so many kids grow up angry and turning to a life of crime.

The impact from the neurotic and entitled behavior. Mental health may not be someone’s fault, but it is their responsibility. Others aren’t in fact obliged to suck up poor behavior because of ‘mental health’.

OP would be doing herself, and her daughter, a favour by stepping back from these people.

Would you find a friend with cancer draining?
Would you find a friend with a brain tumour draining?
Would you find a friend with the after effects of a stroke draining?
Would you find a friend with dementia draining?

Why is it acceptable to speak like that about someone exhibiting symptoms of a mental illness? You should be ashamed to think it's ok to speak like that.

The only people I wouldn't want my child around are people who see someone suffering and treat them like it's their own fault or that they are doing it for attention. Bigoted, narrow minded & intolerant individuals.

Shame. On. You. To live in 2026 and still not understand the importance of 'be kind'.

You never know what someone might be going through. One day it might be you.

Sorry what impact has there been on OP or her daughter!! Absolutely zero so far.

Sorry, let me correct myself, her daughter will lose a friend as a result of the OP.

How can a child 'weaponise' mental health. Listen to yourself.

STOP treating mental health like it's something nasty and contagious. Educate yourself. Learn that mental health reflects very real illnesses which can cause immense suffering. Mental health is just as important as physical health.

The symptoms aren't always easy but they deserve kindness and empathy.

…and empathy for the impact of this on OP and her daughter?

Op, you don’t have to bend over backwards accommodating weaponized ‘mental health’ not just to your detriment but to your daughters also.

Life is too short and your childs welfare too important. I would find a friend who went on like this to be draining and tbh wouldnt have much to do with her. In effect this would end the childrens friendship too.

But thats just me, people who go on like this get on my nerves.

A lot of mental health is environmental/situational. Who are you to say her daughter isn’t an anxious little girl?

You're getting confused. For something to be a mental health issue implies an atypical response. So being scared in a scary situation is not a mental health problem - its a completely normal emotional response. Being very depressed because your dad's passed away is not clinical depression, its a normal emotional response to bereavement.

Its when someone's reaction to things is disproportionate etc that there's a mental health issue - when they can't manage a normal level of life's ups and downs, when they find every day experiences stress or anxiety inducing.

Hear! Hear!

OP doesn't have to be a good friend but she does have to be a good mother to her child who is her first priority in this situation. If the friends child is showing manipulative behaviour for whatever reason then OP needs to ensure her child does not copy that behaviour. Also OPs child should not have to accommodate letting the friends child do whatever she wants just because she uses the word triggering to get her own way.