Didn't know the best place for this post.
Im mid 30s and i was diagnosed with adhd a few years ago. I always felt like an outsider, a bit awkward, very shy.
Anyway I dont often go out to socialise as tbh I dont have many friends and im also a single mum. Last night I went out to an event with work people. I didn't drink and drove, I often dont drink now because alcohol messes with my head.
It was a fun night but I felt sooooo awkward and i found it so hard to make conversation. When I did make conversation I felt like I was asking awkward questions and kept saying in my head "why did you say that".
Tonight was the first night i could really see/feel my neurodiversity.
I came home and cried because I just felt so shit trying my hardest to mask like I always have.
When I was younger I used alcohol in these situations to make myself loosen up and not care about interactions.
Am I alone in feeling this way? Maybe its just because I dont often go out and have gotten used to being on my own.