Found out my childhood friend / First crush is doing life for attempted robbery and it's messed me up.

"Angel losing his wings"? Give your head a wobble. He's a low life creep and criminal.

My childhood friend was convicted of the exact same thing recently. We didn't keep in touch but I saw it on the news. I was shocked but immediately felt nothing else but repulse. It's disgusting.

"Angel", indeed.

@Flynn99

no…no, it really doesn’t

I don’t understand why people are focusing on it not being a first offence- OP never said it was? And whether there is “more to it”- what difference does it make?

OP has read the reports and is shocked- fair enough. A school friend was jailed for drug dealing about a decade ago and it is quite shocking.

Op it’s ok to feel this way you obviously seen his good side unfortunately people change especially as adults it could be worse you could be in a relationship with him or married just be grateful he’s not a big part of your life now nice kids change.

But that's the maximum not the standard sentence.

People don't even get a life sentence for crimes of violence

If he got a "life" sentence for burglary he must be a really bad boy.

The fact you liked him when he was 15 is neither here nor there.

How long did you know him for, from 11 til when? And how long ago?

What do you mean about building personality round him - like he was a role model and made you want to stand up for the more vulnerable? If so that's unchanged surely, that's still a good way to want to be regardless of what happenedto him. Very few people are whole "good" or "bad".

Finding out someone who was important to you in part of your life has come to such an end is a shock, I am not surprised to read of the OPs feelings. Even if your childhood had been idyllic and fondly remembered.

IANAL but you don’t get a life sentence for attempted robbery.

YABU because the whole situation has literally nothing to do with you.

Being a bit shocked, sure, but 'messed up'?!

One of my childhood good mates got life for stabbing and killing his GF's Dad when he was 17. Shocking, sure but NONE of the empathy or general emotion around the situation was about me.

I would suggest changing your emotions into empathy and putting them where they belong - with his family and the victim(s) of his crimes.

I think the best solution to your upset OP is to think “There but for chance”.

You have moved on from your childhood, you have taken opportunities to build an honest life, not relied on supporting drug dealers, not deliberately set out to terrify people in their own homes to steal their possessions and their peace of mind. So you are still walking free and are not facing a life in prison.

Your ex friend has made many wrong choices at different times in his life and they have caught up with him. Feel sorry for him, because life is harder for some people then for others, but also feel sorry for the people whose lives he has chosen to damage and destroy by his actions. Romanticising his actions and seeing him as a fallen angel means you are ignoring and devaluing the impact he has had on the real victims of his criminal life.

Sounds like you haven’t had contact with him for a number of years so you no longer knew him sorry I know that sounds harsh but it seems he got in to a bad place especially if what people are calling him is true then he definitely wasn’t the person you once knew hold on to the memories of who he was but be realistic he’s not that person anymore and you have no idea if he’s got other criminal convictions.
An old school friend of mine and we stayed in touch after school ended up getting involved in gambling and would often end up in debt we all tried to help him but he would do it time and time again he is in prison now after beating his girlfriend up because she wouldn’t give him any money for gambling. In school he was the most laid back and genuinely nice person and we had a good laugh but that’s not who he is anymore.

This. No one gets a life sentence for attempted robbery, jeez some people don't even get life for murder. You are bring very naive OP

Yeah its sad that someone you cared about has gone off the rails.

Fucking life for attempted robbery though is bonkers. Blokes get a slap on the wrist for rape.

He sounds like a scumbag.

Imagine how terrified his victims must have felt. Being messed up about someone you knew as a child being banged up is a bit extreme. An angel that lost his wings he certainly is not

It must have been a jolt, OP, to find that the person you looked up to as a bit of a rock is anything but.

Yes - it's a tragedy how people's lives are ruined by their own descent into crime and a tragedy for their victims. Unfortunately as others have said, he must have had a very violent and dangerous record to receive a sentence like that. Very violent and dangerous.

Which makes the shock and sense of precariousness for you even greater because you set such store by him when you were young.

The only think you can do now is reflect and learn from this - look to yourself for keeping your values strong, look to keeping your self esteem strong and your self respect healthy on your own merits.

People prove themselves as strong and trustworthy on your behalf by being those things consistently - but that doesn't replace having your own strength to rely on.

In fact as you have found, it isn't safe to relay on anyone else unless you know you can rely on yourself first.

It isn’t ‘robbery’ if you break into a house (or try to), it’s burglary. Robbery is stealing from somebody in person and using violence to do it. So he’s a burglar, or attempted burglar.

To be guilty of burglary you have to be breaking in with intent to either commit GBH or theft. It would have to be very aggravated for such a sentence.

You're not serious? If you are, you need a grip and some therapy.

There there is a lot more to this as life for attempted robbery is not a normal sentence.
Was he carrying a gun? Has he had previous convictions? Was he violent?

Sounds like you are romanticising a ‘bad boy’. I definitely think some therapy will help.

This. I have been a criminal defence lawyer for twenty years. If he got life; he’s a a serious dangerous criminal.

Op I think you need to work on understanding yourself first as you are getting too emotionally involved in a persons life who you likely have little meaning in

it is very sad how some peoples lives turn out and if the support had been there from childhood their life would likely be different but choices are still made and some people do actually enjoy being violent

and while he may not have good legal representation he absolutely would not be given life for robbery he will have had a violent history

Sounds like a drug-addled robber to me.

I work in criminal justice no way in a million years did he get a life sentence for a first offence attempt robbery. Armed robbery with an antecedent history, maybe but still very unlikely. Life sentences are few and far between these days and reserved for the most serious violent and sexual offences.

The trouble is @Flynn99 you have never known him as an adult. People change. He might have stood up for the underdog as a kid or he might just have had the appearance of doing so and actually had an ulterior motive.

I feel like the older I get, the more I 'see' people. I've had the edges knocked off me by repeatedly having a certain view of people and had the rug pulled too many times. Now I sort of accept that people are a mixture of good and bad and I can like some aspects of their personality and dislike others and have a more superficial relationship with them without the old habit of labelling them. I feel sort of sad to admit that but it's true nevertheless.

Do you feel strongly enough about it to visit him in prison?