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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable about childcare for a friend?

165 replies

Baconrollplease · 17/04/2026 23:24

I feel a bit awkward even posting this, but I need a sense check. a friend of mine has started asking me to have her child quite regularly while she’s working. I’ve had him twice this week already, both times for about 6 hours.

I genuinely don’t mind helping occasionally, and the kids play nicely together, but it’s starting to feel like I’m becoming her go-to childcare. She doesn’t offer any money or even send food, so I’m feeding and entertaining him for the whole time. She asked me on Monday if I could have him on Wednesday, so it’s not always last minute, but I don’t feel like I can easily say no without feeling guilty.

I think what’s bothering me is that it feels a bit assumed now rather than a favour, if that makes sense.

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit taken advantage of? And how would you handle this without damaging the friendship?

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 17/04/2026 23:54

"I think what’s bothering me is that it feels a bit assumed now rather than a favour, if that makes sense."
It makes perfect sense. It never ceases to amaze me, how quickly gratitude becomes entitlement.

Please give your head a wobble for "feeling guilty". Saying no to a onerous cheeky demand request is nothing to feel guilty about.

So what happened that she's suddenly asking you all the time? What happened to her previous childcare arrangements? Or did she get a new job? What started this?

Oh, and - how long has she been a friend?

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 17/04/2026 23:51

MyLuckyHelper · 17/04/2026 23:39

What are her usual arrangements for childcare while she’s working? It can’t have been a surprise to her on Monday that she needed childcare for Wednesday, surely?!

I think you need to say no to one to break the pattern. Just an “oh I’d love to help but I’m out that day” is fine. Don’t have to be rude or confrontational if that’s not your style

I’d lose the “I’d love to help” - it’s not true and it makes it more likely that she’ll be asked again.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 17/04/2026 23:49

Yanbu!

That’s really taking the mick. It would be one thing in an emergency if the child was ill so couldn’t go to nursery and she had an important work meeting and her husband was away etc but no, this is not on.

Just say no and if you find being blunt awkward just say “sorry I have other things I need to do that day so I can’t”. You don’t need to get deep into specifics and lies.

Iwantsandybeachesandgoodfood · 17/04/2026 23:39

Don’t even make excuses. “I can’t today.” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to justify yourself or feel guilt.

MyLuckyHelper · 17/04/2026 23:39

What are her usual arrangements for childcare while she’s working? It can’t have been a surprise to her on Monday that she needed childcare for Wednesday, surely?!

I think you need to say no to one to break the pattern. Just an “oh I’d love to help but I’m out that day” is fine. Don’t have to be rude or confrontational if that’s not your style

Shinyandnew1 · 17/04/2026 23:35

This isn’t a friendship, so I wouldn’t worry about ruining it. She’s doing that all by herself.

YayRain · 17/04/2026 23:34

The problem is that you feel bad saying no. I suggest just not being available next time. "Sorry, I have plans that day so can't care for x." You don't have to justify it either. Give people an inch, they will often take a mile.

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 17/04/2026 23:34

Op; just tell her no! She needs to pay for proper childcare.

Thefingerofblame · 17/04/2026 23:34

How many times in total have you looked after her child? And how many times had she had yours?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/04/2026 23:34

If you can’t face it directly just make yourself less available. When she says can you have him on Wednesday just say no sorry I’ve got a doctors appointment/need to visit my nan/have work to do.

PollyBell · 17/04/2026 23:32

You cant blame her because you cant say no though

Butterflywings84 · 17/04/2026 23:32

Why does she need help? What are her usual arrangements? I’d still say asking 2 days before is too short notice. Just say no - you may be willing to help in an emergency but you are not a childcare facility.

sesquipedalian · 17/04/2026 23:30

OP, six hours is a long time to look after someone else’s child. You need to tell her that it’s not possible for you to do it as a permanent arrangement because there are things you like to do with your child (eg swimming) that you can’t do with hers as well. Next time she asks, say you’ve made arrangements to go out that day - but it may be that you need to make it clear to her that childminding is a very occasional favour, not a regular thing.

HeddaGarbled · 17/04/2026 23:28

I don’t feel like I can easily say no without feeling guilty

That’s your problem. You have to decide how often you’re willing to do it and then be brave and say no to more.

EmmaOvary · 17/04/2026 23:27

You need to nip this in the bud, OP. Twice this week! How many times have you done it in the past? I have a very good friend who sometimes has my son for a number of hours but it’s not expected, and I reciprocate by having her kids over regularly. It’s the expectation and the one sidedness that’s the issue.