Am I being unreasonable about childcare for a friend?

Do you work yourself?

Totally agree. The OP just needs to say no. She doesn't even need to give an explanation.

Just say you're busy or have plans. Don't give a specific reason as she'll find a 'solution' that means you can still look after him.

And if this ends the friendship then it's her thst has caused it, not you.

Honestly, you need to just say ‘sorry I have plans, perhaps your DC can come for tea at 3 on x date [2-3 weeks away].’

I was helpful for a friend as she was going through an acrimonious divorce and trying to keep her job - ended up having her boys 3 nights a week after school and 6-10x a year for whole weeks at a time, overnight, for FOUR YEARS. As soon as I said this was an issue as my eldest DC was having MH issues so asked if we could explore other options… I was dropped and never spoken to again. I am not kidding. Decimated my self confidence and made me completely distrustful of people, something I am trying to address now.

This friend will do the same. They are not actually a friend. They are using you for convenience. Unless it is reciprocal or they are offering to pay you the going rate, say no. Now.

You have to say no. Why has she started working without sorting proper childcare?

If she takes offence and you lose the friendship when you say you can't look after her child then she was never a friend in the first place!

I was once guilted into having a neighbour shild while she went for an interview. I owed her a favour and seemingly she had asked everyone else. I asked what she was going to do for childcare if she got the job. "Oh we will manage somehow." Being childfree I was determined that WE were not going to manage somehow. I was not going to be gragooned into the default childcare because I was a student at the time. When she got back she asked how he had been. "Oh he did whinge a bit but I just turned the TV up."

I did check on the kid a couple of times but was not going to tell her that. She never asked me to babysit again. Weaponised incompetence can be very effective.

This is why I hate the “there’s no harm in asking” types - OP shows exactly what the problem is. She’s dealing with someone who’s brazen and not afraid to ask for exactly what she wants - and the OP needs to reply in kind. “No - I can’t look after your child”. But some people are conditioned to be nice/to feel guilty for saying no and find it difficult (and these types know that and can use it to their advantage). Agree with others here. Just say “sorry, no - plans that day” and then engage no further with her on the topic. If you aren’t friends after that, then you’ll know you weren’t friends in the first place…..

I agree, it is honestly unsettling how some women can't or refuse to say no.

Yes this, she is taking the piss and not even bothering about the op.

Op this woman's childcare.issues are not yours, what do you think will happen if you sat no ?

The inability of some women to stand up for themselves makes me very sad.

Is it social conditioning, fear of losing a "friendship" or something else?

OP, practice in front of a mirror. "Having Fred regularly does not work for me or for Sam either. But let me know if you ever have a real emergency and I'll see if I can help that day."

Or just say no.

I agree that you need to start being less available, as others have suggested above.

I also think you should turn it around a bit, and start casually asking her to mind your child e.g. every Saturday a few weeks in a row... When she has no qualms about telling you "no", it will make it much easier for you (both) to see how cheeky she is being to you

That is not the ops fault but all this i feel bad and a million other reasons for not saying no is

This is exceptionally rude
the only way this can work out is if she will do babysitting back for you. Do you want to send your child to her at the weekend so you can have a spa day or date night?

But none of that is the OP’s affair. All she needs to do is say no.

You need to just say no, I have other plans. Refuse to get drawn into the plans as she will just problem solve how you can do your plans AND care for her child. Be vague, ‘I just can’t’. Or even more bluntly ‘I've said no, will you drop it?’ Between guilt and unreasonable demands, always choose guilt.

You are being set up. Before you know it you won't feel you can plan anything with your DC because you are looking after someone else's child.

Years ago there was a corker on here where a neighbour had accepted a job and just assumed the OP would do the childcare.

You need to say no. I bet once you do you won't hear from her again.

Start saying no that doesn’t work for me every time, you don’t need to make a big thing of it.

Unless she’s going through something right now and this is out of character then I’d say this person is absolutely not your friend.

How old is her child and yours?

It’s a huge favour to care for someone else’s child for six hours.

Start on conversation about it before she asks again. Explain you can’t do it, don’t offer excuses she can overcome. Just be factual.

Well you can to some extent! This woman has a child and a job but doesn't seem to have official plans in place to ensure she carries out her responsibilities to both. What if the OP says no? Why doesn't she have childcare in place? She's a CF.

"Sorry, no can do, but you've reminded me, could you have my little Johnny on Friday? I should be able to pick up by 6."

Tell her to look after her own kids.

Your friend is taking advantage, she knows you feel awkward about saying 'no' which is why she asks and doesn't send food/snacks or offered payment. Has she offered reciprocal baby sitting?

It's all very well saying, 'Im busy on Tuesday or I have appointment on Wednesday but it doesn't get to the heart of the matter - you don't want to look after her child.

The next time she asks, say no, I helped you last week, but 12 hours entertaining and feeding 2 children is too much.

Stop being such a wet lettuce, OP. The only behaviour you can control here is your own. You’re people-pleasing, doing something you don’t want to do because you can’t deal with the discomfort of saying no. It’s a choice, but one you should stop making.