15 year old son stole my car and took it for a joy ride while were away

This exact situation happened to a friend of mine. Her son was 14 and took the car a few times with friends. She was getting damage on her car and thought she was going mad until one of his friends parents found video footage on their child's phone.

My friend was so upset and angry and immediately wanted to call the police. The child's father disagreed. My friend told the school and they said they had no choice but to involve the police. The police visited him and had very stern words. They also put a marker on her car. If the car was seen out after midnight the police were to pull it over.

Anyway, the police chat did the job. She slept with her car key and spare set for a few years and he is now a fully functioning adult with a good job, I nice girlfriend and group of friends....and still a love of cars and mechanics.

All is not lost, but you don't need me to tell you that it needs to be dealt with seriously. Good luck!

That will prevent him doing it again, I’m sure.

How many 15yo would be bothered about how they make people feel? Teens are selfish (I say that as an ex-teen 🤣)

Do you think those repeat offenders out there just needed to be told how people feel? There’s a good chance that that was how their parents dealt with it, hence escalation of behaviour as no consequences

People in the house should alwayschace access to the outside of the house in the evening fire or other emergency. If she had removed key, I assume he would still know where it is kept at night, so whether it was in the door or not, he had decided to do this anyway. Totally not her fault, but explain to you son how his grandma is now feeling, and why she is feeling like this.

Interestingly the OP is not making excuses for him unlike many of the posters.

Those advocating a bit of a telling off about how he upset his family would be kicking off if it had been their loved ones killed or injured,

The fact that he didn’t hit anyone doesn’t lessen the severity of it.

OP does not need to be told how she shouldn’t have gone away and how she should protect her child. She clearly understands the implications and is doing her best to stop something like this happening again.

Given the downward spiral in his behaviour, his ADHD, his supposed natural affinity and fascination with cars, surely your son joyriding in your car shouldn’t be all that shocking. You say he knows right from wrong? He clearly doesn’t or think that certain rules don’t apply to him. Your son is on a precarious trajectory and I think he’s probably beyond the short sharp shock of talking to from a Police officer speaking in an unofficial capacity (he’d know instantly if there was a risk of the conversation leading to a formal reprimand). I doubt SS are going to be as helpful as you’d hope either.

He needs professional intervention, what is the school's view on his worsening behaviour?

That. Exactly.

I knew how the car's controls worked before I was out of primary.

Observation and a maternal Uncle who was keen to explain.

This child could have caused the deaths of multiple people, or himself. Thanks to God he didn't and he's safe. When next time happens, and if it was your boy, OP, or indeed mine that got killed, would you be glad you'd just arranged for 'a stern talking to'?

Yes, there are obviously very difficult consequences to reporting this to the police and I'm not minimising those. But dear God, despite all these posters asking why on earth you'd even think about the police ... Because the consequences of not reporting could be indescribably worse than to do so.

You're not on top of this child's needs. You know that. I'm not suggesting you should be. Kids like this need a village of good services and support and it sounds like you've fought tirelessly to try and get his needs met. Keep pushing. Reporting to the police may help access more.

I can't give details because it's related to a professional situation but I knew a kid whose parents kept covering up, and looking back I feel sure they would have made a different decision if they could have seen the future.

Good luck with what is unarguably an incredibly difficult and distressing situation for you.

My son with adhd did this and the police randomly caught him . He got 8 points on a provisional and a big fine (£400) for no insurance etc .
The longer term punishment is that he can’t drive now as having 8 points means insurance for him as a young male will be unattainable .

I think it happens more often than you think tbh.

This is not someone being caught smoking round the back of the bike sheds.

And by the same token, if it was one of your loved ones who was injured or killed in this situation, you would be baying for blood.

This is very serious, he could have killed someone. Personally, I’d be having strong words with him and asking a police officer friend to be present when you do it.
Not criticising you for going away without your children…..perhaps next time, take the car keys with you.
I hope you get this resolved, your DS was in the wrong and needs to understand that actions have consequences…….in this case they could have been fatal.

Exactly. But he has adhd so you know that’s a get out free card on here.

The big issue is not how his family feels though, is it?

Do you think any 15yo lad (even someone without impulsive ADHD) is going to think ‘ooh I don’t want to upset them or get a fine so I won’t do that again’?

It’s not about feelings, it’s about the risk that he could have killed someone

Yup. And of course faux naively pointing the finger at OP.
Makes me wish karma was real.

Aye. I said what I said.

My kids know how to drive. I’m not sure that aspect is so unbelievable.

@pictoosh I absolutely would do it for my own kids. I have seen the dreadful results of such “joyrides” many times over the years -in a work setting. When the media say “life changing injuries” what they often mean is limb amputated by the accident, or to extract person from the vehicle, see that far less often these days TBF. Or sometimes it “just” means a paralysing spinal injury.

I did this loads of times when I was a kid

I'd be focusing on how much he's upset you and MIL.
I'd have a discussion with him about wether to go to the police in case something did happen and it's better to own up first before the police are at the door or a speeding fine comes through and ask him to choose what he wants to do about it now (ie go to the police of his own accord or let you sit with the anxiety for a month or two).
If ask MIL to talk to him about how upset she is, and how she now doesn't trust him, or herself to look after him properly.
Show him the consequences of his actions, have him decide how he deals with it whilst laying out the results of each choice. Let him be aware of the disappointment and upset he has caused.
Don't fix this for him, he did the thing, give him the responsibility of sorting it out.

I wonder if those advocating for a bit of a telling off would feel the same if he had run over one of their loved ones.

OP sounds like she is doing a great job under crappy circumstances

Back in the 70s I knew a 15 year old who actually owned a car, obviously it was untaxed and uninsured. He broke down on the motorway once and police came to his aid. He managed to style it out and didn't get caught on that occasion. I have no idea what became of him

There are witnesses, his parents, and there is dash cam footage.

Unless the OP is willing to lie by omission to the police, and to the rest of society, then a prosecution would be straightforward.

This is insanely dangerous. There was a real risk that someone could have been killed.

He needs to be arrested and prosecuted. Possibly a lifetime ban from driving. The posts downplaying this are very, very worrying.

NC for this… I also did this when I was 16 (near 30 years ago) my mum and dad were away and my dear grandmother was watching me. I took the car out and met some friends, got home and thought nothing of it. Neighbours had saw me and told my dad who went crazy, dragged me to the police station where I got an almighty talking to from the local police sergeant. (Dad knew him well) Never ever did it again. Things have probably changed so I perhaps wouldn’t involve the police now as they will be duty bound to investigate…but without witnesses or evidence, it will unlikely go anywhere. Bear in mind too that you would be liable for permitting no licence/insurance if you report him or he would be potentially prosecuted for those offences. I would perhaps thank your lucky blessing no one was hurt, put some punishments in for him and lock the keys up in future.

The teen years can be interesting.

Anyway, all these posters urging you to get the police involved wouldn't do that if it were their own 15 yr old son.
Easy to be gleeful and aroused by the wrongdoing of someone else's 15 wayward cherub and advise strongly.

Mumsnet isn't always the best place for advice on parenting tbh. Too much revelling in the transgressions of other people's kids imo.

I’d report it OP. He needs to know how serious this is.

To those asking about driving at 15, give your head a wobble. There are kids driving days on race tracks etc. Come and live rurally and you’ll see kids from ages 10 onwards driving tractors and quad bikes. DS started working on a building site at 16 and was driving a JCB.