15 year old son stole my car and took it for a joy ride while were away

Wow. So you wouldn’t report until the consequences were tragic?

So say someone does it several times, you say nothing because, ya know, they didn’t mean any harm. but the last time, they kill a pregnant woman. Is that the first time you would report it as they weren’t intending to hurt anyone?

Dd started the young driver lessons at 11. Scary to watch your 11yr old driving competently round a car park. She had 7 of these lessons, 10hrs driving lessons at 17 and passed first time with a couple of minors.
Is there a trusted adult at school who could have a word, or someone at the mechanics class?
Dd ( we suspect some sort of ADHD) certainly wouldn't have stolen a car, but I do worry when she's out in hers. She's massively into cars, thanks to dh, and at that age they think they're indestructible.

A very close friend of ours went for a walk last night with his newborn baby and a joyrider with no licence or insurance crossed the path into a wall about 10 metres ahead of him. They both could have been killed.

But it's ok, a kid has ADHD so can't help being impulsive and didn't kill anyone, so they should be excused right?

Of course I'm being sarcastic. Some of the responses on here are absolutely unbelievable.

Are we not allowed to go on holiday without our children?

Well you are, but given your son's significant behavioural issues and bad attitude I'd have thought it very unwise and naive indeed. It was a disaster waiting to happen, leaving him unsupervised but for his gran. What were you thinking? That he'd conveniently press pause on being himself for the week?

How does he know how to drive at only 15 years old?

Well he didn't actually hurt anyone or set out to deliberately hurt anyone. I am afraid my personal experience of the police is pretty negative. I cant imagine ever reporting a child of mine to the police unless I thought they were planning on or setting out to hurt someone on purpose or if they had actually hurt someone even by accident but because of reckless behaviour

Police intervention has close to ruined the life of a young person in a family I know very wel. Obviously what they did was wrong, i think they had pretty extenuating circumstances and many many others have done similar and not been punished at all ( not getting into specifics ). 10 years later they are still feeling the consequences of a a youthful mistake that affects their job prospects and where they can live and travel to

I would never put my child in that potental situation without a very very good reason.

The op has responded well I think and I wouldn't exactly blame her for reporting to the police but I just could not do it., not unless someone had been hurt or unless I genuinely thought he took the car out to deliberately try to hurt someone

‘Chores’ 🙈🙈🙈🙈

Bloody hell. How do you know he didn’t speed. And giving him credit for taking the slower car 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

MN is batshit sometimes

Did you never ever watch your parents? You surely had SOME idea?

And a lot of cars now are automatic and very very easy to drive. Turn it on, put it into drive and press the go pedal....

I’m willing to bet that most of the posters advocating a telling off are mothers of sons. I have noticed a trend with them seeming more protective of their boys than if they had girls

I kind of think you might be overreacting OP.

I get it's scary, but this is a teenager for whom driving cars is normalised and who did this once in a relatively safe way.

He took the slower car.

He didn't take friends

He didn't speed.

He has ADHD so his brain is wired to be impulsive

I would talk to him about why, explain the consequences of if he got caught, stick with your decision to lock the keys away and see how his attitude is.

If he shows remorse and says he will not do it again that would be the end of it for me. Or If you really want to punish him I would give him some extra chores, maybe wash the cars for a month. I wouldn't tell college as a sign of trust, that you believe he won't repeat his behaviour. It could also backfire if his mates find out and think it was a great idea. If he does it again then he would be on notice there would be significant consequences.

I’m not sure what exactly is wrong with that as a consequence. This isn’t a daft wee mistake he made and he is unlikely to mature from where he is now to calm and sensible driver in the space of 2 years. I would not want mine driving at 17 after being so utterly irresponsible at 15. The gap is far too small and it sounds like OPDS is likely to need a lot of years before he reaches a level of maturity that should see him behind the wheel of a car.

Litter pick? Bloody hell.

He committed a criminal offence (well several actually). He is old enough to be treated as criminally responsible.

I dread to think what punishment you would devise if he had hit someone with the car - a litter pick and a clean up of the local community centre?

Because of the impulsive nature of his ADHD, he’s unlikely to be put off doing it again if the mood takes him. And he’s intelligent so will find a way to get the keys (or worse).

Would you honestly expect him to think ‘ooh yes my mum said that was bad and made me pick up litter so I won’t do that’?

Lol, I could drive a car at 10...

And this sort of approach is exactly why we have a criminal justice system filling up with young adults who have no respect for others or fear of consequences. This was not a "mistake".

If mil had taken the key they might have all died in a house fire.. A stretch as any premonition you didn't have about joy riding.. Of course don't report him.

Some people just work out how to. My Son did from watching me! By the time he was old enough for actual lessons he could already drive to a fair standard

Then that’s the consequence of his behaviour. It’s worrying to think that kids can do this at 15 yet hold a full licence at 17. Especially males as they are a higher risk anyway

i wouldnt tell the police unless thwy come knocking at which point i’d be horrified as though it was new news.

if you tell them and your car insurance it could go up, youll pay the £400 or whatever fine, and the points wouldnt be something he'd even think about or understand until hes 17 and tries to get insurance.

you need a punishment now that he wont like. a serious one. one he will remember for a long time

you could do all the usual punishment stuff at home, but maybe add on something else that hed get if he offended, such as litter picking for 30 or 40 hours “community service” as that’s what hed get. You could both join a litter picking locally as volunteers. it’s a pain in the arse for you but it would give him a feel for what happens if you break the law. without the other consequences which would affect your purse more than him.

I’d tell him to not tell anyone ever about his stupidity as if they tell one person who tells one person who tells one person, it expands akd the police may hear if someone’s dad or whatever is told.

Yes. Joyriders are noted for being 18+ with full driving licenses...

Tbh, based on my insurance experience, I would avoid landing him with any sort of conviction now. There is an absolute issue where kids end up uninsurable before they've even passed their test. It's a real problem where kids cant drive legally because they were idiots at a young age.

That is a really unfair position to put the friend in. Like a PP said, they could get into real trouble if they don’t report something like that and lose their jobs.

And I have both types of ADHD - someone explaining the consequences would have done fuck all for me at that age except made me feel I had got away with it and would probably do so again.

OP said he knows the difference between right and wrong therefore he knew it was wrong when he did it but his impulsivity overrode that. It’s not like he didn’t understand what he was doing was wrong

If you go to the police you son will be charged with taking without consent. He will go to youth court , or police rehabilitation. This focuses on behaviour rather than punishment, depends where you live. I think having a police officer who you know to talk to him, could be a good thing. Telling him the consequences, just might frighten the life out of him. He needs a tough approach, if he starting pulling stunts like this at 15, god knows what he could do as he gets older. You as the parent need to punish him, severely, otherwise you are setting yourself up, for god knows what..
.

I wonder if the vast majority of youngsters (usually but not always male) who have gone out "joyriding" and end up in police chases are undiagnosed ADHD or similar either due to it happening years ago or some parents not worrying what their children are up to as long as they are not pestering them (obviously not mn types).
If OP reports to a police friend informally then isn't there a duty of care or safeguarding obligation to take things further like if a child says something to their teacher. There have been quite a few cases recently of police being investigated for covering up things so they will feel they need to make it formal both because it is the right thing to and for fear of losing their jobs.

Im sorry this must be terrifying for you on so many levels.

1. The risk taking behaviour that could have resulted in serious consequences.(accident,injury to your son or others,financial and legal consequences)
2. The immaturity and lack of impulse control.
3. The deceit,betrayal of trust and lack of regard for the consequences or the law.

I do not get this message from many people on this thread, but especially not the OP. Bore off.