15 year old son stole my car and took it for a joy ride while were away

You haven’t failed OP. Your son has failed your trust.

Your MIL might be a good person to talk to him. My own DS would be far more effected at my mum’s bitter disappointment than many punishments I could dish out.

id have him out washing that car in and out every single day for months. He’d also be paying back the broken exhaust out of his allowance.

So taking a motor ve, driving without a licence, driving without insurance, criminal damage (to the exhaust) is OK and should be forgiven because mummy and daddy went away without him?

Christ no wonder this country is fecked

If you report this to the police then social services will get involved. You may just find they call and are happy that you're taking it seriously and are acting responsibly in your care of him but they will contact you.

Maybe if more parents got the authorities involved when their child starts offending there wouldn't be so many entitled little shits who think they can do what they want and not face the consequences.

I'm sorry i would call it in. What happens if you car gets caught on a speed camera? He needs to learn the hard lesson as it is too serious.

Come on now, you are taking me a bit too literally there. I know your husband didn't teach him himself but it was his idea, with his blessing and at his expense that he was taught to drive by someone else.

You really think we would've gone if we thought it was even a remote possibility he would take one of our cars?!

Why was it not even a remote possibility in your head? You knew he could drive it and you knew he had form for bad behaviour and boundary pushing. You may not have anticipated the car thing specifically, but you surely didn't think he was going to uncharacteristically and suddenly start behaving like an angel for the week? This boy whose behaviour has been challenging and awful for some months now? And surely if you've researched enough about ADHD to decide that he warrants a diagnosis for it, then you understand that joy riding in a car is exactly the sort of thing a 15 yo with ADHD and terrible behaviour in general might do for a dopamine hit?

I'm sorry but I stand by my comments. You were very naive to go on holiday without him.

I work in a school

This definitely needs reporting to the safe guarding team.

They will have a whole raft of people that can help.

Help with the why, what, how, consequences

The whole family has been affected, not just your DS.

You will all need help, counselling, advice

Do not sweep this under the carpet !

If he had hurt or killed someone, of course the advice would be different - regardless of whether we knew that person or not. That isn’t what happened here, so the advice is being given to basically try to make sure he never does it again, but also doesn’t give him a criminal record at 15. Because once someone has a criminal record, it’s very hard for them to escape a life of MW jobs at best, crime when they can’t get a job due to the criminal record, etc. it’s because no-one was hurt that he can have a second chance/intervention.

I would consider calling the multi agency safeguarding hub (MASH) for your area, which includes police and social services. I suggest this because you are clearly worried for your son’s ongoing safety given his choices and lack of understanding of risk, which is completely understandable and ok. It does not in any way mean you’ve failed, it just means a bit of extra help/support might be good and speaking to MASH will hopefully open up doors to this. There may be some consequences for your son, but he has broken a few significant laws - driving without licence and insurance etc- and it may be helpful for him to know there are consequences to this beyond our normal parental consequences of removing privileges/items etc. It’s a lot for you to have to carry and manage on your own, sharing the load and decisions with professionals might be best.

Yes, because the school has nothing else to do.

Right. How does he learn from his mistakes then? The police will certainly want to sit and discuss won't they?

Regarding the point about he might have ADHD - I have autism and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. According to the (very experienced) consultant psychiatrist who diagnosed my ADHD, all autistic people have ADHD. The treatment is very effective too.

Yes I will and I just did. The boy is in the wrong but his parents should have seen something like this coming a mile off, based on previous experience.

All this 'victim blaming' shit really pisses me off. Sometimes victims don't deserve any blame but other times bad stuff happens to them because they do dumb shit and make dumb choices. They practically open up the doors, roll out the red carpet and invite the problems in.

Given this boy's behavioural issues, I cannot believe his dad thought it was a great idea to teach him to drive at only 15. Then the go and leave him in the care of his gran for a week. Utter stupidity.

Well thent bats fair enough, but hardly the "normal" experience. Most kids have grown up being driven to places in occasion!

Honestly, what is wrong with this place.

why did you go away for a few nights without a teenager? Are you joking? You’re making this OP’s fault for causing him mental anguish? Acting out, jfc he’s FIFTEEN.

everyone is allowed one mistake, sure. Would you give him a slap on the wrists and a cheeky wink if he’d hit someone? What if he died? Boys will be boys?

And it's not like he would have worried about the theory test or rules of the road, given he was already breaking the law..

OP - I hope things work out for you

Talk to the school, this will not be unknown territory to them and I am sure they have a police liaison officer assigned to them. He needs to know actions have consequences and you will not be complicit.

A large number of my Years 10 and 11 could drive, judging by the number of TWOCs they seemed to accumulate! Are MNers really so naive?

My BIL did this when he was 16 on holiday. He snuck out and took the hire car for a joy ride and crashed it into a wall. Had to walk home 10 miles and wake his dad up at 4am and confess.

Some teenage boys have really shit impulse control. I can’t remember his punishments but the police were not called.

It’s an expensive option, but you could get a ghost immobiliser fitted. We have one in our car to stop theft. Only me and DH know the code and without the code, the car won’t start.

No. We didn't have a car.
I genuinely had no idea. Living in Greater London we had access to decent public transport.

I'm surprised at your incredulity TBH. Far fewer people in the 1960s and 70s owned cars.

He has ADHD. It’s an impulse which you can’t calmly sit and discuss to ensure it doesn’t happen again.