15 year old son stole my car and took it for a joy ride while were away

Yes, you’re right I am thinkinh of a Pru, in our area the two are often the same setting but with the pru students attending at different sessions to the semh students

However, I genuinely think there is a pattern of minimising his behaviour which has led to this. My oldest was diagnosed with adhd at 4 and I always anticipated him getting involved in county lines and pinching cars because most of the youth that get involved in crime at a young age have have extra needs blah blah …. I compensated by being very strict and having the absolute firmest of boundaries. If he’d caused an accident and someone had got hurt the outcome isn’t changed because they have asd and the courts don’t take this into consideration when sentencing.

there are lots on this thread that say he’ll grow up and it will be a one off but he doesn’t actually realise, or care about, the seriousness of his actions. And, honestly, you don’t seem to understand the seriousness of his continued poor behaviour and he’s becoming extremely vulnerable to engaging in other criminal activity, county lines etc.

I say this in the tone of tough love, your parenting is not working and you need support to manage this teen.

Certainly better and cooler than video game zombies. It's real life, yes dangerous yes lessons must be learned, send him also to first aid training and talk about impulse control. In the 80s we did a lot worse.

You are not unreasonable to be upset and horrified.

You would be unreasonable to report your son to the police in my view. And just as unreasonable to bring friends into it who might then have a conflict over what they need to do. That’s just passing the responsibility to deal with this onto someone else.

And to people wondering how the boy can drive, my DS is a competitive go karter and has also had lots of track days/driving experience days. He could easily get into a car and drive it. Probably better than I can. He already scores 100 per cent every time he has a look at a mock theory test too. So far my trust that he wouldn’t go off and drive, even though he could do so, has not been misplaced. But I am not complacent about it.

OP, a really serious conversation needs to be had. Your DA has behaved really badly, but 15 is a very tricky age. I hope you find a way through the gravity of this without involving the police.

Well done OP. Sounds like a plan. Nipping it in the bud.

what a thing to have to come home to. Get yourself nice bottle of wine, some chocolate and try to have a chilled Saturday night and carry out your plan when school opens on Monday.

There are more words in the opening post about DS's needs than about the potential disaster of what he could have inflicted on others, and I'm just fed up and weary of the idea that having particular needs and conditions and labels are a wholesale cover up for a basic lack of civic responsibility.
Parent him and report him to the police, at least that way you can be sure he'll think twice about doing it again, and at least that way we can all feel slightly safer as legitimate road users.

It must be a shock but also a very cool teenage thing to do.
I mean it takes initiative, guts and go get to do something like that.

Talk to him about stealing etc but also rest assured your ds is a force of nature and that is a good thing.

You aren’t being harsh. His attitude stinks and I think your plan is very sensible and balanced

He’s complained about the sanctions so far, what does he consider the punishment should be? It might be worth asking, not as a negotiation just as a conversation about the seriousness of this.

Re. the exhaust, he should be doing chores in order to pay off the repairs.

Also, worth getting a steering wheel lock!

You def need to watch the whole video - he's def done something if he's damaged the exhaust - question is what. I just hope it's nothing that has damaged anyone else's property too.

You must have been so shocked op. Who expects their 15 yr old to take their car out driving in the middle of the night? You couldn't have anticipated that.

It's fine to let your kid do young driver experiences. It's fine to leave your kids with their grandparents for a few nights. It's fine to leave your car keys in their usual place.

This is a totally unpredictable thing your ds has done.

Where do you go from here? School and school police officer sounds like a sensible start to me. We have a community police officer in our school and she's fab.

I don't know what the consequences for him would be with the police but I wouldn't want to ignore it and have a speeding fine or something come through the post and it all escalates if they somehow find out who's driving.

I think you should let him go to the gym so he has an outlet. If he's stuck at home with no phone, is there a risk he'll start breaking things out of frustration?

Interested you didn’t think to hide car keys?
I have two boys and often went away with dh and their grandad would stay.
Not once did I think to hide my keys when they were 14-16 and one of them was car mad. Still is in fact he us doing something car related this minute with his dad.
I think even if he was on a plan and in an alternative education school it wouldn't have crossed my mind.

I think it’s because of gaming.
I think there is something in that @Franpie.
The numbers of car stealing in that age range definitely seems to have vastly increased in the last 15 years. Or so It certainly wasn't an issue when I started my career working with young people.

Yes, good call. He needs to realise he is in no position to complain !

I don't think so. This was happening in the 70s long before gaming and cars were more difficult to drive then - manual choke and no power steering.

oh do behave! He’s at a semh school!

I’ve got two boys with autism and adhd and both were in a special school for autistic children (not semh). Semh schools are usually for children who have been excluded.

They wouldn’t have dreamt of pinching my car for a joy ride! Quite frankly it would have opened the gates of hell for them. They’d have things confiscated if the school had to phone me about their behaviour. Ffs, they’d lose their games console if they weren’t ready on time for the school bus!

I think it’s because of gaming.

Not quite the same but we took our teen DS clay pigeon shooting. Never held an actual gun before and he didn’t miss one shot, even when they started launching double ones.

I guess all the time gaming must develop quite a lot of skills.

I don’t think you should tell the police this time, but I do think you need to make him realise how serious this is and take steps to make sure it never happens again.

I don’t think you did anything wrong by going on holiday, please don’t beat yourself up.

How does he know how to drive a car at 15

Believe me loads of teenage lads do, it's aways boys. I have never come across a teen girl stealing a car yet. There will be cases but in nearly 40 years every case its always been a male.

I dont know how they know. We have had so many over the years sneak out and take a staff members car from the residential unit thst I never park my car near the place.

We have loads of referrals over the years for teen boys around 14 yo 15 yo come to us and car theft is one of the concerns.

The youngest we had was 11.
Ive heard of them stealing keys from staff to get in jut that cant be everytime so im not sure how they steal the car though.

A chat with a police officer will not necessarily initiate a criminal record. They can be given to shock the young person and to seek to curtail any wayward behaviour from a repeat or getting worse. I would not dismiss enquiring.
His condition cannot excuse what he has done. Don’t allow it to. He cannot grow up thinking that because he has a condition it permits him to do things that are illegal.

Are you calling the police?