Page 2 | 15 year old son stole my car and took it for a joy ride while were away

Peoplearereallyweird · 2026-04-17T22:12:12+00:00

Name changed for this as could be outing and don't want it associated with my other posts. Sorry posting for traffic - basically as the title says. Myself and my husband went away on our first holiday without DS1 (15) and DS2 (10) and MIL was looking after them while we were gone. Just got back and went to go out in my car today and noticed a couple of things felt "off" like the seat felt different, the radio was not on what it was normally and my husband noticed my exhaust was louder. When he checked it, it was broken. My MIL doesn't drive so I knew it wouldn't have been her so we checked the dash cam and to our horror, found our son had snuck out in the middle of the night while she was asleep and taken my car for a joy ride! DS1 is diagnosed ASD, very likely ADHD although not officially diagnosed yet but he knows right from wrong, there's no learning difficulties. He is in an alternative SEMH learning provision as he couldn't cope in mainstream, behaviour was not good at all and got so many suspensions but it took us years to fight for SEN place for him. He seemed to be doing well there to start but the last few months have been awful with his attitude and behaviour both in school and home. I've gone made at him tonight and so far I've removed his phone and gaming consol but he just doesn't seem to realise the seriousness of what he's done - he was lucky not to kill himself or someone else! I haven't yet called the police as I only found out a couple of hours ago so still trying to get my head around him being so stupid and reckless. I have a few friends who are officers - would you ask one of them to come and give him a talking too or make it offical and file a report? We feel like we're failing, even though everyone says we're "doing everything right", so also considering speaking with social services and asking school to see if they can arrange a pyschologist as I need to do something to address the underlying causes to his downward spiral. Just feel so lost right now

Tiddlywinks63 · 18/04/2026 14:49

Monty36 · 18/04/2026 14:04

There is nothing cool about risking the lives and potentially the livelihoods of other people. He had no idea when he went out that he would not endanger others. He was sneaky, he went out once he knew Granny was asleep.
Guts and get go for me are someone who applies initiative to law abiding activities.

Show quote history

He’s a deceitful idiot, not some kind of superhero ffs!

SunnyRedSnail · 18/04/2026 14:49

Peoplearereallyweird · 18/04/2026 13:48

He's settled down on it now because I've explained (again) that this isn't a consequence because he's messed around at school or snuck a drink, what he's done is a real legal crime, with real legal rammifications. I then left him alone to think and he's come to me and genuinely apologised and said he realises what he has done is dangerous. He knows once I speak to school on Monday, that the rest is out of my hands with regards to the other consequences from social services and the police. I am looking at house security cameras as we speak, we already have a safe for the car keys, looking at specialised window locks, crook lock for car and whatever else we need to do from that stand point, so if if anyone has ideas I may not have thought of, I'm all ears!

Show quote history

Maybe it would be helpful and possible for him to speak to a victim of TWOC? Or watch a video clip showing the impact it could have if the above is not possible?

With his ASD, it might be helpful to show him how his actions could have impacted others, rather than just himself, had he made a mistake and crashed.

Perhaps also make him calculate the cost of crashing and not having valid insurance e.g. how many hours of work he would have to carry out to pay for the damage to his own car and perhaps another? Even a rear-end shunt nowadays can result in a £6000 bill.

Original poster

Peoplearereallyweird · 18/04/2026 14:48

Besidemyselfwithworry · 18/04/2026 14:43

@Peoplearereallyweird
i think you absolutely need to escalate this to the police it’s illegal and he needs to know it’s wrong. I also feel this would be better done through the proper channels if you “ask a friend to have a word” it then puts them on the spot to not report it properly too which is an unfair situation for them.

Your poor MIL too what a position to put her in - I wouldn’t be doing that again!

We're definitely not asking a friend, it wouldn't be fair and MIL has said she can't look after him again, which is totally fair. We will be seeking advice from school on Monday regarding the school liaison officer and MASH for any external help that we can get.

OP posts:

Original poster

Peoplearereallyweird · 18/04/2026 14:44

notacooldad · 18/04/2026 14:36

He did all that, sure. And in the future if handled well, he apply that amazing initiative to saving lives or doing other amazing feats more meek kids wouldn't dare.

There hasn't been great outcomes for the vast majority of teenage car thieves I've worked with over the last 38 years.

Im not wanting to upset the OP but neatly all of them that I know about went on to commit more crimes as they went through their teenage years, some getting violent and a lot were jailed. Many of them got drug or other substance addiction and at least five that I know of died before they were 30. There have been some success stories. And I see some of them now in their forties happy married family men. In fact two of " My young people" are now middle aged men that drink in the same pub as ne and do the quiz on Wednesday nights!!

Op, I think it is important to have professional intervention now, especially if he thinks he's been hard done by. I dont think you and dh can do it alone. It is such a serious offense and he is not remorseful. If he was, you would have something to work with.
Good luck. I know its a challenging and worrying time gor you.

Thank you. We will definitely be seeking outside help, we just aren't enough now. He seems more remorseful this afternoon which gives me a small amount of hope he is not completely lost yet. Sometimes he needs time to process so I've asked him to think about what he thinks are fair consequences to try and open up discussion, now that I am a bit calmer. Obviously there may well be more serious consequences soon that are out of my hands and he will have to deal with those.

OP posts:

Besidemyselfwithworry · 18/04/2026 14:43

@Peoplearereallyweird
i think you absolutely need to escalate this to the police it’s illegal and he needs to know it’s wrong. I also feel this would be better done through the proper channels if you “ask a friend to have a word” it then puts them on the spot to not report it properly too which is an unfair situation for them.

Your poor MIL too what a position to put her in - I wouldn’t be doing that again!

Sixpence39 · 18/04/2026 14:42

I really, really wouldnt report him to police. Hes lucky that he got away without serious harm done and it doesnt need to impact the rest of his life, whereas if you report to police he could end up with a criminal record that could prevent him from getting jobs and shape his whole future. It could even be classed as something like robbery on his record, which would make him basically unemployable. I know someone this happened to as a teen. He already has ASD which can make it hard to find and keep employment. I'd think about acting proportionly and finding a punishment that wont shape his future, and definitely take some time to cool down before doing something that could have unforeseen consequences.

Original poster

Peoplearereallyweird · 18/04/2026 14:38

@TheCobbleCreekMonster infuriatingly not much, other than he needs to suffer whatever the consequences are. He is definitely the calmer of the 2 of us but it borders on passive at times (such as this) and that infuriates me. I could bet any amount of money that he wouldn't be so passive if ir were his pride and joy that was taken so I've told him he needs to find his voice and have words with him too.

And just for the record, I do NOT think this was a cool teenage thing for him to do. It was reckless and downright dangerous and nothing to do with any small amount of skill he may have, that prevented him from seriously harming or killing someone. I have seen first hand the damage that does, so this isn't going to just go away because "boys will be boys" and do stupid things and he said sorry.

OP posts:

notacooldad · 18/04/2026 14:36

He did all that, sure. And in the future if handled well, he apply that amazing initiative to saving lives or doing other amazing feats more meek kids wouldn't dare.

There hasn't been great outcomes for the vast majority of teenage car thieves I've worked with over the last 38 years.

Im not wanting to upset the OP but neatly all of them that I know about went on to commit more crimes as they went through their teenage years, some getting violent and a lot were jailed. Many of them got drug or other substance addiction and at least five that I know of died before they were 30. There have been some success stories. And I see some of them now in their forties happy married family men. In fact two of " My young people" are now middle aged men that drink in the same pub as ne and do the quiz on Wednesday nights!!

Op, I think it is important to have professional intervention now, especially if he thinks he's been hard done by. I dont think you and dh can do it alone. It is such a serious offense and he is not remorseful. If he was, you would have something to work with.
Good luck. I know its a challenging and worrying time gor you.

itgetsthehoseagain · 18/04/2026 14:28

strategysu · 18/04/2026 13:59

agree - blood hell - this is a teenage crazy moment - deal with it yourself. force him to do a first aid course to teach empathy and thinking of consequences. leave school and cops out, teenagers are designed to do shit like this.

Show quote history

Teacher of 30 years here. Teenagers are not designed to do "shit like this". "This" is particularly odd behaviour from the OP's son.

ihavetocookagain · 18/04/2026 14:25

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 18/04/2026 09:25

That will prevent him doing it again, I’m sure.

How many 15yo would be bothered about how they make people feel? Teens are selfish (I say that as an ex-teen 🤣)

Do you think those repeat offenders out there just needed to be told how people feel? There’s a good chance that that was how their parents dealt with it, hence escalation of behaviour as no consequences

Edited

Show quote history

It depends how close they are. My eldest stopped something as a late teen, because his granddad was disappointed in him, he didn’t care I was disappointed also. Also, sometimes pointing out how it affects others is sometimes all it takes. Different people have different motivators, if it wouldn’t change you, great, but 1 size doesn’t fit all.

ValhallaCalling · 18/04/2026 14:22

strategysu · 18/04/2026 14:20

He did all that, sure. And in the future if handled well, he apply that amazing initiative to saving lives or doing other amazing feats more meek kids wouldn't dare.

Show quote history

Do you talk about all criminals this way? Do the people they endangered not matter?

TheCobbleCreekMonster · 18/04/2026 14:22

youalright · 18/04/2026 07:36

He needs to pay for the exhaust

This. The first thing I would do is make him pay for the exhaust.

It's difficult because you know he has broken the law. He has put you in an awful position.

I can't decide whether I would take him to the Police Station and expect him to tell them what he did. That is the responsible thing to do really I suppose.

What does your DH say about it @Peoplearereallyweird

francy99 · 18/04/2026 14:21

As a future deterrent get a steering wheel lock for the car and if you go away again put it on and take the key with you so he can’t drive the car again

ValhallaCalling · 18/04/2026 14:20

strategysu · 18/04/2026 13:50

It must be a shock but also a very cool teenage thing to do.
I mean it takes initiative, guts and go get to do something like that.

Talk to him about stealing etc but also rest assured your ds is a force of nature and that is a good thing.

Edited

What is wrong with you?!

strategysu · 18/04/2026 14:20

Monty36 · 18/04/2026 14:04

There is nothing cool about risking the lives and potentially the livelihoods of other people. He had no idea when he went out that he would not endanger others. He was sneaky, he went out once he knew Granny was asleep.
Guts and get go for me are someone who applies initiative to law abiding activities.

Show quote history

He did all that, sure. And in the future if handled well, he apply that amazing initiative to saving lives or doing other amazing feats more meek kids wouldn't dare.

Jaxhog · 18/04/2026 14:18

Maybe one way to get him to think about the seriousness of what he did, is to ask him what he thinks would be a suitable punishment?

BreatheAndFocus · 18/04/2026 14:14

strategysu · 18/04/2026 13:50

It must be a shock but also a very cool teenage thing to do.
I mean it takes initiative, guts and go get to do something like that.

Talk to him about stealing etc but also rest assured your ds is a force of nature and that is a good thing.

Edited

Are you for real? Was the blind old man who ran into a PP on her horse also a force of nature and cool because he didn’t let being old and not being able to see stop him? FFS! Stealing a car, driving without a licence or insurance, and driving dangerously is a lot of things, but one thing it isn’t is cool.

OP, I think you’re doing the right thing speaking to the school. In my area the police and fire service have videos they show teens - not pleasant but gets across the message.

Original poster

Peoplearereallyweird · 18/04/2026 14:11

@Bridgertonisbest I mean clearly it's not working but would disagree (or definitely my Mum would as she thinks I'm too strict sometimes) that we minimise his behaviour. The trouble is, when you have a child witj extreme demand avoidance, there isn't always a great deal that works. Removing electronics, grounding, no phone, no socials - none of it has worked to curb the downward spiral he seems to be in.

@LadyMacbethWasFierce @strategysu I actually don't have much choice, it would put my family member who works there in a very awkward position and I'd rather they heard it from us first before hearing the boys talking about it. Not that I think it would change anything to be fair - we clearly need more support with his escalation. He is indeed a very bright boy and if he put half as much effort into his studies as he does messing about, he would flourish

@ValhallaCalling I am sorry that happened to you but again - where do I excuse or condone what he's done because of his diasgnosis? It is relevant to explain due to the impulse control issues which are more than a typical teen, but I have also said he knew full well it was wrong, so he needs to face the consequences. You don't think I'm aware he could've killed someone? Maybe read all of my posts before coming at me

OP posts:

ValhallaCalling · 18/04/2026 14:07

MrMucker · 18/04/2026 13:51

There are more words in the opening post about DS's needs than about the potential disaster of what he could have inflicted on others, and I'm just fed up and weary of the idea that having particular needs and conditions and labels are a wholesale cover up for a basic lack of civic responsibility.
Parent him and report him to the police, at least that way you can be sure he'll think twice about doing it again, and at least that way we can all feel slightly safer as legitimate road users.

I couldn't agree more with this. For fuck sake he could have killed someone!!!

I was hit by a car whilst riding my horse and run over when I hit the ground when my daughter was 4 months old by a blind old man who shouldn't have been driving because he had poor eyesight. He didn't see me. He very nearly killed me. He DID kill my horse. If I had been pushing the pram, like I was in that exact spot the day before, he would have killed my baby. I've been left with PTSD, I can't let my daughter walk down a country lane because I'm terrified of her being killed. I obviously grieved my equine friend.

People had the audacity to feel sorry for him because the poor little old man looked shocked!! He refused to perform the site test at the scene for police because he knew he wouldn't pass and he knew he shouldn't have been driving because his doctor told him so!

Shit drivers, irresponsible selfish people RUIN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES. It doesn't matter what fucking conditions they've got it doesn't bring back the people they mow down!!!

Monty36 · 18/04/2026 14:04

strategysu · 18/04/2026 13:50

It must be a shock but also a very cool teenage thing to do.
I mean it takes initiative, guts and go get to do something like that.

Talk to him about stealing etc but also rest assured your ds is a force of nature and that is a good thing.

Edited

There is nothing cool about risking the lives and potentially the livelihoods of other people. He had no idea when he went out that he would not endanger others. He was sneaky, he went out once he knew Granny was asleep.
Guts and get go for me are someone who applies initiative to law abiding activities.

strategysu · 18/04/2026 13:59

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 18/04/2026 13:55

Truly think you are making a mistake in reporting it to school. But there you go. I suspect the tide of opinion is against me.

agree - blood hell - this is a teenage crazy moment - deal with it yourself. force him to do a first aid course to teach empathy and thinking of consequences. leave school and cops out, teenagers are designed to do shit like this.

DoraSpenlow · 18/04/2026 13:56

SparklyLeader · 18/04/2026 12:48

Teach him how to drive or he will crash the car next time. He sounds very bright, not in the common sense arena, but 15 year old males don't have common sense, yet, they won't for another decade. He needs more enrichment, activities, hobbies, classes he's interested in, sports, all of the above and all of it asap. He's bored. Explain to him that if he takes the car out again and is caught the authorities will take away the car. That should curtail the spontaneous driving.

Read the OPs posts.

Original poster

Peoplearereallyweird · 18/04/2026 13:56

MrMucker · 18/04/2026 13:51

There are more words in the opening post about DS's needs than about the potential disaster of what he could have inflicted on others, and I'm just fed up and weary of the idea that having particular needs and conditions and labels are a wholesale cover up for a basic lack of civic responsibility.
Parent him and report him to the police, at least that way you can be sure he'll think twice about doing it again, and at least that way we can all feel slightly safer as legitimate road users.

Highlighting his relevant issues for relevant background info is important in my opinion but please, feel free to point out in any of my posts where I have excused what he has done because of his SEND needs?

OP posts:

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 18/04/2026 13:55

Truly think you are making a mistake in reporting it to school. But there you go. I suspect the tide of opinion is against me.

strategysu · 18/04/2026 13:54

MrMucker · 18/04/2026 13:51

There are more words in the opening post about DS's needs than about the potential disaster of what he could have inflicted on others, and I'm just fed up and weary of the idea that having particular needs and conditions and labels are a wholesale cover up for a basic lack of civic responsibility.
Parent him and report him to the police, at least that way you can be sure he'll think twice about doing it again, and at least that way we can all feel slightly safer as legitimate road users.

I think handling this in the right way could have the outcome that ops son is an excellent citizen. More kids need gumption.