15 year old son stole my car and took it for a joy ride while were away

I didn't have a clue how to drive a car before my first driving lesson.

I also wondered how he knew what to do.

Boys often develop an interest in cars if their fathers are car enthusiasts. Teaching them how to drive below the legal driving age but not giving them an outlet to use the skills (karting, track days) builds a huge pent up desire to drive. Irrespective of any ND diagnosis, the chances of joy riding the family car are high in this situation.

Lock the keys away whenever you leave the house. Revise early driving initiation strategy for your 10 year old.

No, don't ask an officer friend to "Have a word".

You'd put them in an awful position, knowing a serious crime was committed and I'm pretty sure they could be duty bound to report it, or get in serious shit. Don't make them have to make that call, call the police yourself.

You have no idea if your son ran red lights, was speeding, if anyone has reported dangerous driving with your numberplate etc, any kind of fine or points could potentially land on your mat, or worse, an investigation.

You need to go to the police yourself first thing, report this, and get ahead of any nasty potential surprises to come, and to hold your son accountable for an incredibly reckless and dangerous thing he's done, he NEEDS to be made to understand the huge danger he posed to himself and everyone else doing what he did.

People not believing this, I have worked with 15 year olds that have got points on their (future) licence for driving offences.

I believe you. I have a son with ADHD. When he was much younger, he told us had calculated that he could open his bedroom and make the jump onto the trampoline in the back garden. We rectified that, quickly!
You are absolutely allowed to go on holiday! He was properly cared for and looked after.

As a first step - could you ask him what motivated him to do it? Friend’s pressuring him, something he’s watched online about someone doing it, a film he’s watched recently? Try to find the reason behind it? Was he testing boundaries?

From there, work backwards. Explain you cannot protect him from any consequences, like speeding tickets etc. and reiterate how dangerous it was. Maybe show him some car crash images, so he can visually understand. I know that ADHD people sometimes cannot imagine consequences, they need actual, physical proof.

It’s not a popular opinion, and I know ADHD kids need the dopamine hit from screens, but mine is much better behaved and calmer when I do remove them for bad behaviour.

Then practical stuff like: house alarm fitted with sensors on windows and doors to alert you if he’s trying to sneak out again. What about an old fashioned Crooklock on your steering wheel to deter him? Also, do you have Life360 on his phone to alert you if he leaves somewhere?

Sending Unmumsnetty hugs! I am just about to get to this stage.

Don't get the police involved. It will make everyone's life a misery for no reason. Tell him you will call if he does it again, or preferably keep the keys with you! Did none of you do stupid things at 15yo?

My DS was driving at 15 - Young driver course which he did for his DofE skills unit.

My brother did this when he was 15 and took me to do donuts at the local Asda. At the time I thought it was so fun, but now I’m an adult… Jesus Christ, bloody dangerous. I think you need to scare the living shit out of him. Idk about reporting him to the police, you don’t want him charged but then again what if there’s speeding fines ect. I think you should clam down fist and have a proper think.

I’d report to police, why? 1. Because it may come back to bite you if you don’t and 2. Most importantly, he needs to understand the seriousness of what he has done, actions have consequences, he could have killed himself or an innocent person. He knew it was wrong, he did it anyways.

I can’t believe the incredulous responses already about how dare you holiday without your children and also how it can’t have happened cos he hasn’t had driving lessons yet 🤣
I did this at 15, no one got hurt and it’s a funny memory. I also grew up to be a law abiding citizen, I’d fucking kill him if I was you OP x

If you want him charged report it, no it wont automatically mean they will but the police have enough to do without being used as a parent tool that is up to the parents to parent

He’s at a special school, so allowances should be made. At least the first time.

He does sound quite adhd.
Perhaps meds may help?
Though i didnt find my audhd kid was particularly less impulsive

I think a lot of boys used to joyride.

i think i would impress on him the lack of insurance for him and others if there was an accident and because with a license etc a serious accident would be taken seriously as its not accidental if you havent passed a test. Proper lessons cover emergency stops and hazard awareness other traffic doing unexpected things.
controlling the car is the easy bit

You can absolutely go on holiday without your children, I was just asking the reason why as there usually is one.

Due to the struggles your DS has, based on the school he attends, maybe he just didn’t cope with you not being there, even after all the prepping you did :(

He still needs a stern, police officer, talking too!

Well you've removed his phone/console but you say he doesn't understand the seriousness. Well I think you need to hit this hard (not actually hit him) show him some videos the damage that can happen, the injuries it can cause - contact the police via 111 not as a favour from someone who is your friend that he sees as friendly, basically make sure the seriousness of it gets through to him .

If you report him to the police he will likely be referred for triage intervention work, to focus on making good choices. He will not end up with a criminal record.

I don't think police have much descretion these days, imagine it from their point of view, they speak off-the-record to DS. He does it again and knocks over someone, they could then be in trouble for not making it official.

This isn't a 'one mistake' job, he knew what he was doing, joyriding around a field is one thing, an hour on the roads is different.

This could very well come back and bite you in the bum in a few weeks - speeding fines, jumping through red lights, who knows? What will you do then - take the wrap and purjur (spelling) yourself? You could find yourself personally in very hot water if you did/worst case are you prepared to go to jail for something you havent done?

Do not involve any friends or officers.

you should have also calmed down and come up with a plan before talking to you son.

If they are difficult to manage I would not have left them with your mil as too much for her for such a long time.

My brother did this years ago. My parents were furious but couldn’t prove it. He denied it. I think he hot wired it actually.

Anyway he was a bit of a knob and basically grew up and life moved on.