15 year old son stole my car and took it for a joy ride while were away

I did exactly this when I was 15, my parents were away on holiday and I fancied taking their car out for a spin so I did. This was the days before dash cams etc so I got away with it. It now absolutely feel me with horror or what could have happened had I had a crash or hurt someone else. However at the time I was spoilt, immature and selfish and desperate to impress people. Personally I would file a report with the police as this might knock a bit of sense into him.

I took my mums bfs car for a joyride when I was 17, also been drinking, it was a very very stupid idea and I didn’t get very far as I crashed into the neighbours brick wall narrowly missing there house. I actually called the police myself because I was so scared of my mums reaction when she got home. I am also asd. I got off with a slap on the wrist luckily but I was marched over there the next day with a bunch of flowers.

What an idiotic comment.

In the early 2000’s, when I was 15, the boys would always take their parents cars if their parents were away/ out for the night.

I don’t see how this is so unbelievable to other posters.

Sorry, OP. I don’t have any advice. It’s a really tough spot for you to be in. I can see why you wouldn’t want to involve the police but I also know how serious this is and how he may never do it again.

This is also my son.

OP- I reckon get the police involved. Maybe start with his school, though. They should know what to do and how it will go.

@Peoplearereallyweird I work in an AP for childrem just like your son.

This isnt uncommon. People would be shocked if im honest!

You need to go further with this, phone/console removal yes. I would definetly report to the police, and let the school know so they can support also.

I would also be removing any other privileges he may have and then in his "free time" he needs to work to earn back the money it would have cost to insure him on the car for that time, the fuel, the road tax etc work it out with him and add it up.

If he is irresponsible enough to do this, he is not mature enough for a phone and going out without parents etc. Really make it black and white that he has broken your trust and let him see the consequences. Escorted to school, escorted home etc.

This could easily be my son in the future. He’s 14 now.

I was only thinking yesterday that people on here always say “don’t let him do xyz” when the truth is….I physically can’t stop him.

And OP, you sound just like us/me but just a year or so ahead.

Just…. 💐

Some ridiculous comments here.

OP is perfectly entitled to go on holiday without the children and had arranged a babysitter
(and at 15 I was stsying home alone if my parents were away).

Also plenty of kids know how to drive.

OP -you mention that you might call the police. Do it officially. This isn’t just ‘bad behaviour’. He could have killed someone, maybe he won’t be so lucky next time. I’m sure a lot of the ‘oh but it’s his first time’ posters would have a different opinion in that situation.

I am adding, this should be approached as a fail for all of you not just him.
You know he has adhd, you know he can drive, you left the keys out. He took the probably impulsive decision to drive the car. MiL didnt lock the door. Etc.
Adhd is a disability that causes impulsive and risk taking behaviour without thinking it through.
You should approach as a family, not just call the police on your child and put it all on him.
You have to think about how you show him the dangers, the consequences, watch videos about what legal consequences he will face and ground him or take away tech etc.
Thrill seeking is clasic adhd behaviour, as its delf medication for the mjssing dopamine, my adhd son is happiest doing things that are risky, he will make a great marine or somrthing like that.
Why was he thrill seeking late at night, did he have enough stimulation during the day? Get to the root cause.
With adhd its not defiance, its an urgent need to feed the dopamine that takes over your brain.

And if he’d hit someone? We should make allowances then too?? It could still have been vehicular manslaughter and a custodial sentence no matter what school he goes to.

What even is this comment?!

"Why did you go on holiday without your kids?!" Seriously 🙄

I go away once a year without mine, they are left with relatives who love them and care for them, and they dont act up or joy ride cars, in fact they behave better with other people than me 😂

Dont try and shame someone for being able to take a break from their children, he hasnt taken the car BECAUSE they went away 🤦‍♀️

i imagine he was completely ragging the engine, pushing it to the max and he’s blown the back box.

Definitely don’t involve a serving police officer. My friends and I used to do this at around this age 14/15. Usually one of the boys would ‘borrow’ their parents car and we’d all cram in. Would drive stupidly and dangerously. Looking back, we were so lucky nothing bad happened. This was 30 years ago. I’d be horrified if my own children did this now.

So far as your son's deterioration is concerned, it seems clear that the school is not meeting this needs and it could well be worth asking for an early annual review. SEMH schools aren't always suitable for children with ASD, and your son might be better off in specialist ASD school.

Do not involve friends who are officers as there may be implications for them having knowledge of a crime.

Either deal with it yourself or formally involve police and notify insurance if you really need to but it's absolutely not something I would do as it could be a whole lot of bother for yourself

Sorry your DH not DS!

Good advice. My DB was very similar to your son. He’s a normal well adjusted adult now too. Married with 2 kids and working in a fairly good job.

I work in Scotland and processes are a bit different. Up here, early intervention is normally an alternative to prosecution. In theory, he could end up with a prosecution but I think it is really unlikely. Sorry if that doesn't sound very reassuring - hypothetical questions are difficult and ultimately it will depend on many factors. A big factor is the attitude of the parents and the child towards the offence, police etc so if you've approached them to report it, it's a good start, especially if you fully engage with the process. @adhdpunchbag has put it much better than me.

This was not in the uk.

How old is he in terms of 15 years and how many months?
In some areas if your under the age when you can get a provisional licence (15yrs 9 months) you can be diverted to receive an out of court resolution for driving offences, so he would work with the local youth justice service and do work around preventing this and similar from happening again.
this isn’t the case nationwide, some areas summons to court regardless and he would then get points on a ghost licence which would then kick in at the point at which he secured his. He could learn to drive and pass however would effectively be banned straight away due to the points (most likely 6).

It sounds like you’ve taken all the relevant steps to stop it happening again, you could also look at local youth services to see if there are any inputs coming up to do with road safety?

My DH did this at the same age. He is also adhd. He actually crashed his dads car into a lampost in his joy ride, this was also on an army barracks which obviosuly caused a lot of issues for his dad who was an officer, so he was caught out that way and apparently grounded for months.
He has grown to be a relatively successful adult so there is hope.
Pick a punishment and stick to it.
Hide the keys.
Keep a close reign on him, i think 14 to 17 are the trickiest years, but there is hope.
We all have adhd in our house , dh, me and two kids, DH and myself had very turbulent teen years getting into all sorts beforr we became successful professionals and so we are keeping an extra tight reign in our two adhd kids based on our own experiences of being wayward adhd teens before adhd was even a thing.
We can see where we were given too much room to fuck up. Luckily we madr it through but some of the stupid shit we did, seapratrly as we didnt know each other then, could bave easily landed us in jail or hospital. We managrd to get through it thankfully and matured a lot later than others but now are pretty successful.
Adding that I dont think you should report him, he will grow out of this phase and then be stuck with a record or caution and or a ban. Mine or my dh parents reported us and we learned our lessons. My current career would not be possible with a criminal record. I am a massively over cautious goody two shoes as an adult. This should be dealy with in your family. Very seriously, you need to think how. Make him watch videos of car crashes if you have to. It needs to stick with him that it can never happen again.

Just seen additional info. Don’t know what else to advise but try not to worry too much. Here’s a handhold from me.

My DB did this at this age with friends. Once he came home with a broken nose. I knew it wasn’t from the “fight” he said he’d been in. Didn’t go to hospital either with it. I spoke to him either at the time or a few months later and told him I knew it was a lie as I had my suspicions as a 17 year old older sister. He admitted sheepishly to me that he’d been joyriding with friends and crashed into a zebra crossing post. His friends, who I knew too, were fairly nice, just bored teens that he went out with and later raving with. I wasn’t too annoyed with him just told him I knew his original story was a lie and not to do it again. I never told my mum as I knew she’d be upset and worried. A fight sounded better to her than joyriding. Lots of teens did this at his age. All from fairly “good” homes. I’m not minimising the seriousness of this at all, I’m aware it is and was a crime. I don’t think he did it again.

In this case I’d just be tempted to have a quiet word and explain why this isn’t good and also illegal. And it’s not to happen again, and ground eg for a month. As pp said if you get a police officer involved it puts them in a difficult predicament/position re their job.

Hopefully this should be enough to let him know your anger.

My 15yo has been on a Young Drivers lesson and knows how to drive a car. He has picked it up very quickly.

I hope you can talk sense into your DS as to how dangerous it was what he did. And lessons can be learned from it going forward. Thinking of you.

He got a ten year ban for joy-riding? Can you link to the newspaper report of that, as people don't usually get that punishment even for death by dangerous driving.

OP, some people are trying to frighten you into not reporting but I think you should otherwise you are teaching him that he can break the law and you will keep his secrets. He needs to learn a lesson and it's better that he does that through the youth justice service than through the normal courts.