Dad going out on his parenting time

I voted YABU because as long as he leaves DS with someone responsible, he can do as he pleases. But really YaNBU and of course he should absolutely be there for his son on the rare occasion that he actually has him.

Ultimately, you saying anything isn’t likely to change anything with a man like that. As long as you have no safeguarding concerns leave it be.

He’s a narcissist, so he is the centre of the universe and won’t take any notice of anyone who has a different opinion to him. However, nothing wrong with expressing your concerns as long as you realise he will ignore you or send your a rude reply. “Dear X, I’m concerned that you are are going out and leaving DS with your DM, especially as he is ill. If he wakes up, I think he’ll be upset if you’re not there.” If you get a rude reply, don’t answer.

You could say 'I'll be happy to babysit for you if you need to take a break during your contact time of four days per month you lazy cunt '

If you say anything, what do you think it will achieve? He won’t change and you will just antagonise him for nothing.

Oh - I missed the boat. They already have!

It's absolutely pathetic behaviour. But posters will be along to tell you that it's not up to you what he does in his contact time and that single dads deserve a social life too etc. What a pitiful excuse for a parent.

And this is why so many children are missing out on life, with this new fashion of 50% shared care. it means the children are literally getting 50% parenting.
Everybody used to pull in the same direction and have a vested interest in the successful outcomes of their own skin and blood.
But now it’s none of the mother‘s business ? FFS

I think your being unreasonable. What he does on his parenting time is his business. He has provided appropriate care. Personally, I don't understand why he'd want to palm his child off on his mum. He should want to spend time with him. However, I'd thank my lucky stars that nanny is there becauae he sounds like an absolute waste of space deadbeat.

You may not feel he’s a good dad but, you had a child with someone who appears to be a man child himself.
What he does when the DC is with him is not within your control.
Grandma is there looking after DC so if he wants to go out after a toddler is in bed, especially straight after a bereavement it’s none of your business.
You’re going to have to find a way to make peace with your lack of control when your DC isn’t with you, he’s not likely to change.

You don’t bring it up.

Its none of your business.

My ex is like this; he has the kids a bit more than yours does, eight nights a month, but routinely books work trips, personal obligations and nights out with his girlfriend during his fairly minimal parenting time.

I think it’s poor parenting but at the end of the day, if he wants to send the kids the message that he’s got better things to do than spend his time with them, that’s up to him.

They get a different view of things when they’re with me; I book my nights out for the weekends they’re away (with rare exceptions) so I can enjoy all the time I have with them. There’s plenty of time for me to increase nights out when they’re older and busy with their own pals.

Don’t bother trying to tell him how to parent better, especially if he was narcissistic and abusive during your relationship as you will get nowhere.

Just focus on being the kind of parent your child deserves. In time your child will learn to see and feel the difference between their homes and will choose the parent they want to be close to, and eventually the kind of parent they want to be themselves.

To be honest I think it affects you rather than your son.

pick your battles otherwise you’ve got a lifetime ahead of very stressful co-parenting.

It’s not any of your business OP. On his parenting time, if he gets his mum to babysit thats his prerogative.

given the circumstances/funeral etc, it really would not be good for your co-parenting relationship to bring it up (again cos its not your business)

If his mum's happy to babysit, I don't see why it's a problem for him to go out once his son's in bed. He's obviously not the greatest of parents but your son is safe, asleep and his grandmother is there. I'd keep your opinion to yourself if I were you, he'll do what he wants anyway.

As long as your son is well looked after it's up to your ex. Just as it would be up to you, on your time.

There's nothing stopping you from using a babysitter & going out. If you don't want to, that's your choice, but you can't stop him.

Exactly

Also imagine if he tried to tell you you can’t book a babysitter and have a night out. I know it’s different but we’d all be saying that’s abusive

I feel for you that he’s a shit dad and I agree with you. However you won’t change him by saying anything. It’s likely that your son sleeps in with his granny anyway and would rather see her.
IF you say anything to him keep if focused on the child and say something like ‘some people were talking about recents nights out you’ve had. I just wanted to flag that baby wakes up in the night more so if you’re out he might wake up and be sad if you’re not there, also please make sure you’re sober enough to look after him if he woke up with another sickness fever or needed driving to a and e’

Does he live with his mother?
You never know, his mum might just want to do these chores (and thinks she’ll do a better job) for her DS and DGS. I think I would do this for my 38 old son (if I had one) and he lived at home. Son’s job would be playing with the child.

As long as your DS is in a safe and loving home with his Nan and Dad it really doesn’t matter who cooks and washes his clothes. He’ll not remember or care.

It only becomes a problem if ex doesn’t play or read stories to him tbh.

So your son’s great-uncle. Got it!

As it was a funeral, your ex may not have seen these people for a while so it’s not unusual to arrange a meet-up or an extension to the evening. So I’d leave it OP.

You cant control him like this and you know it

You clearly resent him and his mum.

But as long as your child is being properly looked after, you have no say over it I'm afraid.

Yep, this. He's far from the only parent who has help from his mother, and if the kid is already asleep, he's not missing out on any parenting is he?

Pretty much none of your business though.