Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should teachers be allowed to speak to parents as they are spoken to?

90 replies

ProudCat · 17/04/2026 22:23

Following on from a discussion on another thread. Can you imagine greeting the parent of a disruptive child and saying 'Oi, shithead, you smell like cheese.' Alternatively, in one of those conversations where a parent has complained because you've embarrassed little Johnny when they turned up to your lesson late with no book, no pen and no apparent interest in actually being there 'Well, the reason your darling is failing hard is because they literally don't give a crap and you've sent them that message, so if you want them to get anything out of school, and not be like you on universal credit living off chicken nuggets, maybe you should stop complaining about us and take a long hard look at your own parenting technique, that's if you can get off your back long enough to actually focus on anything that's not your latest deadbeat boyfriend.'

You see, this is what teachers actually know. We can wrap it up any way people want. We can believe (and many of us do) that all behaviour is an attempt to communicate. And as nice as it might be to offer the 80 billion excuses available at any given time, what the kids are communicating to us is that their parents are ridiculously ill-equipped to be actual parents. Oddly, I don't blame them for this. Huge spikes in poverty. Serious addiction issues. Overcrowded housing. Limited access to MH provision. People are drowning. But you know what? We (teachers) are not the enemy.

Why is it that parents and carers find it so hard to work with us? I'm from a really terrible background, don't own my own house, am even partial to a cut-price Spoons afternoon deal, so what gives? How did we get here? Why are we at each others throats? What would make a genuine difference?

OP posts:
Dimms · 17/04/2026 22:51

ProudCat · 17/04/2026 22:43

btw, i'm working class, from a council estate, married to an ex-con, and you are?

Was this question to me?

Dimms · 17/04/2026 22:49

ProudCat · 17/04/2026 22:41

And your reference point for this is? Your own assumptions?

No, someone who works with children, young people and their families when they are in need of extra support.

likelysuspect · 17/04/2026 22:48

Littlelisasimpson · 17/04/2026 22:38

Former teacher, I wholly agree.
I’d ask some of the horrid children how they’d feel if I went to their mum or dad’s workplace and spoke to them how they spoke to me.

Maybe not a perfect example, as many of the parents were professionally unemployed…

Is it a question you couldnt ask then?

Just wondering if you would get a complaint made about you if so, and then if you did have a complaint whether your manager/HT would back you up or the complainant

ProudCat · 17/04/2026 22:43

Scarydinosaurs · 17/04/2026 22:42

both sides have work to do.

Schools with seemingly nonsense rules make parents lives harder.

Parents totally uninvested and nervous about schools.

Fix it by holding antenatal classes in the school hall in the evening. Have on site baby drop in stay and play. Open playgrounds at the weekend (unsure on this but works elsewhere). Make adult learning and careers advice something that happens in school buildings.

Gives heads time to have an impact before demanding results. Make it more attractive to work in tough areas.

I like stay and play. I work in secondary, but I can see this value. Thank you.

OP posts:
ProudCat · 17/04/2026 22:43

btw, i'm working class, from a council estate, married to an ex-con, and you are?

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 17/04/2026 22:42

both sides have work to do.

Schools with seemingly nonsense rules make parents lives harder.

Parents totally uninvested and nervous about schools.

Fix it by holding antenatal classes in the school hall in the evening. Have on site baby drop in stay and play. Open playgrounds at the weekend (unsure on this but works elsewhere). Make adult learning and careers advice something that happens in school buildings.

Gives heads time to have an impact before demanding results. Make it more attractive to work in tough areas.

ProudCat · 17/04/2026 22:41

Dimms · 17/04/2026 22:40

You ask why some parents struggle to work with teachers, then describe them as lazy, stupid and beneath contempt. You say teachers are not the enemy while speaking about families as though they are a problem class to be managed. “This is what teachers actually know” really means “this is what I assume.” Some parents definitely fail, certainly. So do some teachers. If you speak about families like this, the problem may not be the parents. It might be you.

And your reference point for this is? Your own assumptions?

OP posts:
Dimms · 17/04/2026 22:40

You ask why some parents struggle to work with teachers, then describe them as lazy, stupid and beneath contempt. You say teachers are not the enemy while speaking about families as though they are a problem class to be managed. “This is what teachers actually know” really means “this is what I assume.” Some parents definitely fail, certainly. So do some teachers. If you speak about families like this, the problem may not be the parents. It might be you.

ProudCat · 17/04/2026 22:39

Naws · 17/04/2026 22:35

How are MNetters going to resolve the issue?

MN = parents, I dunno, just thought they might be interested in the education system.

Thank you for your contribution, super helpful.

OP posts:
Littlelisasimpson · 17/04/2026 22:38

Former teacher, I wholly agree.
I’d ask some of the horrid children how they’d feel if I went to their mum or dad’s workplace and spoke to them how they spoke to me.

Maybe not a perfect example, as many of the parents were professionally unemployed…

likelysuspect · 17/04/2026 22:35

ProudCat · 17/04/2026 22:23

Following on from a discussion on another thread. Can you imagine greeting the parent of a disruptive child and saying 'Oi, shithead, you smell like cheese.' Alternatively, in one of those conversations where a parent has complained because you've embarrassed little Johnny when they turned up to your lesson late with no book, no pen and no apparent interest in actually being there 'Well, the reason your darling is failing hard is because they literally don't give a crap and you've sent them that message, so if you want them to get anything out of school, and not be like you on universal credit living off chicken nuggets, maybe you should stop complaining about us and take a long hard look at your own parenting technique, that's if you can get off your back long enough to actually focus on anything that's not your latest deadbeat boyfriend.'

You see, this is what teachers actually know. We can wrap it up any way people want. We can believe (and many of us do) that all behaviour is an attempt to communicate. And as nice as it might be to offer the 80 billion excuses available at any given time, what the kids are communicating to us is that their parents are ridiculously ill-equipped to be actual parents. Oddly, I don't blame them for this. Huge spikes in poverty. Serious addiction issues. Overcrowded housing. Limited access to MH provision. People are drowning. But you know what? We (teachers) are not the enemy.

Why is it that parents and carers find it so hard to work with us? I'm from a really terrible background, don't own my own house, am even partial to a cut-price Spoons afternoon deal, so what gives? How did we get here? Why are we at each others throats? What would make a genuine difference?

Yes, so much this.

Naws · 17/04/2026 22:35

ProudCat · 17/04/2026 22:34

You sound sarcastic and not at all interested in helping to resolve the actual issue. Thank you for you contribution.

How are MNetters going to resolve the issue?

ProudCat · 17/04/2026 22:34

Dimms · 17/04/2026 22:28

You sound nice.

You sound sarcastic and not at all interested in helping to resolve the actual issue. Thank you for you contribution.

OP posts:
Chocaholick · 17/04/2026 22:29

There’s just been another big decline in standards and the public seeing everyone ‘working for them’. Entitlement, lack of intelligence, arrogance, not sure how you solve those things

Dimms · 17/04/2026 22:28

You sound nice.

Swipe left for the next trending thread