Should teachers be allowed to speak to parents as they are spoken to?

OP isn’t wrong though. Who says she needs to be nice?

Those that insulted you are probably the ones that don't parent their kids and set boundaries and teach them respect...

I often wonder whether children would behave the same in a classroom if they knew their parents were watching them via a video link. I'm confident that 95% wouldn't behave that way.

I phoned a parent last week when their 15 year old refused to sit in his allocated seat, demanded aggressively that I tell him what harm he was doing sitting where he wanted (I didnt respond), then called me a fucking bitch when I sent him to the isolation room after politely asking him to sit in his correct seat 3 times. His mum basically accused me of lying and apparently her son would never behave like that. 🙄

And they wonder why people are leaving teaching... so much of the job is having to deal with the results of poor parenting.

I do understand the point you are making even though you’ve went about it bullishly!
It must be incredibly frustrating to be a teacher these days. I mean, there have always been disruptive students who have a negative impact on the class. But I feel like possibly in the past parents used to work more collaboratively with teachers and if a pupil was given into trouble by a teacher the parent would support them. If I came home and told my parents I’d been given a telling off or a punishment exercise, I’d probably have been given another ticking off and a consequence from them. But these days there is too much of a ‘not my kid’ attitude and a parent is more likely to be up at the school outraged that the teacher dared to dispense discipline.
I’ll get flamed for this but I don’t think the increase in ND diagnoses has helped. Of course there are children with genuine difficulties through no one’s fault. But the behaviours produced by poor parenting and lack of boundaries can look very like some of the behaviours seen in children with ADHD. And I’m NOT saying that poor parenting causes ADHD at all, I’m saying that the ‘symptoms’ for want of a better word, can look similar. So everyone jumps to ADHD and this absolves some parents of taking any responsibility for their poor parenting. So
nothing changes and the poor kid has a label slapped on them.

It's crudely put. Unfortunately, for a minority there is truth there.

For a minority.

There is a large number of people for whom the education system holds no value beyond doing their job (childcare) for them. Sadly, that is a truth.

Trying to get them re-engaged is just as big a need because their children will just lead on from their parent's attitude.

Op you lost any claim to a legitimate argument when you said this about mothers “…get off your back long enough to actually focus on anything that's not your latest deadbeat boyfriend”

@ProudCat I am a senior leader so pick up a lot of unhappy parent issues but have more recently found I am essentially a buffer between the staff and certain parents for the purpose of staff wellbeing. My biggest bug bear is parents demanding an immediate meeting in reception, turning up with no notice, then getting cross when they've had to wait 20 minutes before I can get to them and that I can only spare 10 minutes before I need to be back teaching a class or in a different (scheduled) meeting.

I also can't stand the long, aggressive emails. All that is needed is a polite email, asking us to look in to their concern and we will. Better yet, book a meeting if you are really unhappy and I am more than willing to listen for much longer than 10 minutes!

Oh. We know. But we are not the only ones who should be trying to break a cycle. But, we try.

Yes, you are definitely making assumptions.

Why do you sound so proud to be with an ex con?

I can see why students speak to you the way they do!

I think teachers forget that parents are the same kids 20 or so years on. It's just a repeating cycle. The kids who are scared and disruptive and disengaged now are the parents of the future. They hate school and the school hates them, nothing will have changed when they're compelled to send their kids there in the future. Teachers are seen as the enemy because we've all been there, we've lived through it, we know what it's really about.

Yikes. Looks like you really went for it today with your afternoon Spoons deal.

It’s not a competition, is it? I grew up in care and was moved around quite a bit, so I’m not sure what that makes me.

I do ask the children this if they speak rudely to me. It often stops them in their tracks and results in an apology from them. With older children, I sometimes phrase it linked to work, explaining I would lose my job if I spoke to a colleague (or pupil) the way they spoke to me. It's important to teach them social etiquette and about respect.

I am a teacher. This reminds me of a request made by a pupil once.

"Sir, I wish we could have a day when anyone could really say what they think about each other... Particularly what we think about the teachers."
"I mean, sure.... As long as the teachers can also freely say what they think about the pupils too....."

It took a moment. But the lad was shocked.

Frankly, I applaud the professionalism of my colleagues. It's amazing they do not snap more in the face of abuse, disrespect and sheer hubris.

I’m working class, but actually gave a stuff about my education and tried hard rather than being disruptive. I’m only one generation older than the kids I taught (secondary) but it seems like the vast majority of parents were feckless and so were their kids. I felt sorry for the children who did want to learn.
I did teach on a last choice secondary school on council estate so parents were often disenfranchised and apathetic.

kids are communicating to us is that their parents are ridiculously ill-equipped to be actual parents. Oddly, I don't blame them for this. Huge spikes in poverty. Serious addiction issues. Overcrowded housing. Limited access to MH provision. People are drowning. But you know what? We (teachers) are not the enemy.
Why is it that parents and carers find it so hard to work with us?

You have partly answered your own question- poverty and overcrowding would necessarily lead to parents not ending or seeing teachers as enemies

serious addiction and unaddressed mental illness may very well, including if they are worried their children might come to attention of social services. Also if the parent didn’t have a good experience of school (not necessarily due to the school)

Im sorry I don’t have answers I’m afraid