AIBU to feel upset after seeing school mums out together?

This just breaks my heart to read. I am similar and have always thought I have had social anxiety. Could you try peanut? I have not used it but I believe it is a way to meet other mums? You need to find people who are also looking to make friends. I'm afraid if you want to make friends you are likely going to have to make the 1st move. Xx

@Advice943 that's terrible as well. Sounds like you had a good midwife. The thing is you can't get these precious moments back.

I think MIL was trying to protect her son from me or something as we had had an argument earlier when I had just got out of surgery. I just was on morphine and crying uncontrollably for some reason, I think it was the drugs and being separated from my baby as soon as he was born, and I just didn't want anyone touching me and the nurse was insisting she washed me and I told her I would wait till I could walk and have a shower. So my ex said I was immature like he was embarrassed or something and I told him to get out. And then he did and just left me for about two hours. The result was we had no time with our baby together as he left with them. It was just all wrong.

I think maybe you have social anxiety op.

but we can’t expect to be friends with people just due to proximity, this group all hit it off, the dads too, this is ok. I understand it hurts as you want to be included.

but you need to have some things lined up, women’s groups, as said earlier, and if he’s home, go. If not don’t; Most of these things you dip in and out with.

id really not go asking all the mums at school to go out with you. Not try to base friendships round your kids, but find something for you , it has more longevity, even if it means finding a baby sitter, be it your mother in law, a family member or someone you pay.

but you can’t sit and expect to be invited and proclaim you’re lonely and ifs your husbands fault. You need to be proactive and get yourself out there. It will never come to you otherwise,

I have felt so much anger over the years that she destroyed my precious moments with my babies

I have this feeling towards my ex MIL, (who is a total bitch and has just been awful and disrespectful to me the whole time) I'd just and my son and he was whisked away to NICU. A few hours later I was able to see him and instead of his father she was sat in the room in the only other chair while his useless father waited outside. So my first proper cuddle and hold of my baby she was there with me in a private moment as I tried to bond with him. The cheeky bitch. That family didn't understand boundaries

Do you ever organise outings? I stopped inviting a friend to things because I was always the one organising.

I don't think you necessarily have autism or anything no. I'm introverted, would never go up to people I didn't know well and invite them out. Well I don't think I have any conditions but my relative keeps telling me I'm autistic

I want to know more about DH and the laptop. Is he coding or running AI agents while you're out? Or what? That seems really isolating and I'm sorry you're being subjected to that. On the mums --- I had similar experience. There's not a lot you can do apart from keep trying or give up. I thought if I hung around long enough they'd accept me. It sort of worked with one child's year mums but not the other. I'm a bit of a loner and find it hard to connect with people too. I like to stretch myself though and sometimes there are those moments of connection. I definitely get rejected along the way, but try again. 😃

Aw that sucks. I remember trying to make mum friends in baby groups and never really fit in. I find it hard to make friends anyway (I'm also ND) so it was quite upsetting. I've also done the dinner dates with a husband who was more interested in his phone. It sucked.

DC is now in YR4 and I've managed to make friends at the school gates. I've just started chatting to everyone and weirdly the mums I'm now friends with aren't the mums of DC's friends. So not many play dates for us but we chat and do coffee and drinks and they've listened to me whinge about my divorce. The group has grown now and I always make a point of inviting everyone and making sure any newcomers are invited to nights out etc. I'd hate to feel like I'm excluding anyone.

No real advice apart from just get chatting in the mornings/afternoons if you can. Offer to see other mums' kids in if they need to dash to work. And as PPs said, the school mums aren't your only option. Do you have local FB groups for meeting people? I've just joined a few local ones where people are looking to find friends or network and they look like a friendly bunch. Haven't gone along to the meetings yet but I can see myself going which is huge for me. 🙈

Good luck!

Op its hard isnt it. My daughter on a sports team said it was hard to settle in. Are you on the whatsapp group? I found mams cliquey in my sons year made a few friends from daughters year we still in touch. Hit and miss isnt it

I can see why this hurt but I think your real problem is your DH who was on a laptop in family time!

I think you need to do something regularly for yourself once a week. Tell your DH he has to be home that night. Don't change it. I think one reason your confidence is low is because your husband treats you pretty poorly.

I think you need to look for friends and self esteem beyond the school, as well as working on 1:1 invites with mums you feel more of a connection to.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so awful. It’s not unreasonable to feel left out, but you have to put your energy into finding friendship with women who are open to wanting to make new friends – you’re wasting your time with those who aren’t. Let them be, you can’t change how they behave.

The bigger problem is your marriage. No matter what’s going on in friendships, you should find support a solace there. What’s going on? And how long has he been like this?

I think you are redirecting your attention to them to deflect from you feeling lonely due to your husband emotionally abandoning you. If he had got his laptop out at a public dinner I would of walked out.

Ask yourself, do you think you would feel so strongly about the other mums meeting up without you if your husband was kind and attentive?

I understand it hurts to see other mums doing stuff together without you, but please be assured it is nothing to do with their opinions of you; its a solid friendship group that meet up regularly and thats it. If you have to fight to be someone's friend, theyre probably not a great friend to have.

I would look elsewhere for friendships - other mums at school, joining social groups (yoga or something) and so on. If you work, do you have work friends you could meet up with? Its easy to get into your head about these things when other areas of your life arent great, in particular. Also, If your son is good friends with these kids at school and theyre happy together there, then dont worry about him being left out, he is fine.

Its a sad situation OP but I would seriously focus more on your marriage and what to do there. It doesnt sound like its a happy one, so if your husband isnt willing to fix it I would advise cutting off the dead weight and moving on. You'll be much more able to make friends when you feel better within yourself, too. Good luck

Mate, you need to leave your shitbag husband.

OP this would really hurt me too. I’m sorry. Take it easy on yourself xxx

If I were you I would pick the one from the group that you like most / is most approachable and try to set up a play date or day out with kids to try and get to know one person better.
Don’t tackle the whole group, just focus on one person and if it goes well they might include you in the group. Or you might strike up a separate friendship with them outside of the group.

It is hard though. I’m naturally quieter and I think people sometimes think I’m unfriendly or not interested in making friends… I’m better in a one to one or small group situation.

I agree with this. Initiate the meet up and then hopefully they’ll reciprocate.

Invite the mums and kids to a coffee or lunch yourself? That is the only way to be sure to be invited.